Hubbie cheating

Poppykins

Oh dear, not sure what I have done and need some advice. I am posting this under a different name to my usual log in so as not to be identified.

Recently I became suspicious of my husband and I decided to check his mobile phone (said I would never do this, but I felt that something was going on). My suspicions were correct! He has been texting a woman saying how things at home were bad and how much he misses/wants her.

About three months ago things at home were difficult. When our daughter was 6 months old I went back to work fulltime as hubbie is an arts student. I was, and still am, very tired (dd sleeps terribly - waking up several times in the night). I pay the mortgage, nursery fees, all the bills and food. Hubbie was helping me out at home some of the time but most of the time the chores were left to me. He loves our daughter and she loves him. However he spends very little time with her because he is always out doing something (various schemes to earn money!). Recently things got much better - hubbie realised that he needed to help out at home more. He has been more attentive and gone back to sending me loving texts every day.

Any advice on what I should do? I know that I should not have checked his phone and feel really awful about this. Should I now tell him and ask him what is going on? Maybe I am over reacting and these texts are just texts and there is no more going on?

Part of me now feels that there is no future between us as I have very little trust left for him. I am really worried that if I do confront him he will threaten divorce and then take everything he can (he did say when things were difficult afew months ago that if we split up he would make things difficult for me - fight to have our daughter residing with him and take half of my pensions/savings).

debjay

I think you will have to ask him but how, I am not sure, If you dont ask then it will be all you think about and that will eat you up inside.
Maybe dont actually say about checking his mobile but ask generally about how things are.
Sorry I am not much help really

Poppykins

Thanks debjay. It is already eating me up inside and I am sure he can tell I am not my usual bubble (but tired self).

shellyaspey

i have to agree i wouldent be able to overlook the text messages and just crack on with things it would just eventually send you mad ask him you have done nothing wrong i wouldent think twice about looking at my hubbies phone that should not be a problem as he does mine but its not because i dont trust him ! it could be a number of things it doesnt have to mean he has or is having an affair some men text these text chat lines thinking they are talking to real women ? sorry for babbling on but i really think you need to ask him hope it works out for you hun x

shellsuit

Is there a name with the texts? If so, I'd just come out with it and ask him who X is.

You won't know if you don't ask ~ I wouldn't be able to keep quiet about it, I'd want to know ASAP.

What a rotten thing to find, but isn't it funny how us women can sense when something is wrong.

Good Luck xxx

jorichste

how awful for you, only you know what to do, but I would defo want things out in the open, it could be much less sinister than it seems, and probably no worse than you are already thinking. Hope everything works out for you x

Poppykins

Thanks for reply Shellsuit. There is a name with Texts - a mans name?? Now I know that my hubbie is not gay as there was a reply from the woman saying that she could not get away from her boyfriend this week!

shellsuit

Poppykins wrote: »

Thanks for reply Shellsuit. There is a name with Texts - a mans name?? Now I know that my hubbie is not gay as there was a reply from the woman saying that she could not get away from her boyfriend this week!

Ah, that old chesnut! Saving the person as a male name, so if you accidently saw him receive or send a text to the person, you would assume it was a mate of his :rolleyes:

If she has said she can't get away from her boyfriend this week, then it looks like they have met before or are planning to meet up

You definitely need to find out what's gone on, either by asking him, or by calling the number (if you happened to write it down)

What suspicions did you have to suspect he was upto something? You don't have to say if you don't want to xx

Poppykins

Thanks Shellsuit. I did write the number down - not sure I would have the courage to call it tho. I guess I know the deeper I go the more might come out. I feel so upset now that I sort of want to protect myself from getting more hurt - does that make sense?

shellyaspey

do any of the texts insinuate that they have met up ?i would text he from his phone pretend to be him i feel so sad for you its an awfull thing to happen i had a feeling for weeks that my ex was messaing around so i told him that my cousin had seen him in my car with another women he admited having a women in the car maybe call his bluff

Poppykins

Shellsuit - the suspicions I had were mainly about him suddenly being so nice at home and him saying he wanted to give me one evening a week when I could go out and do my own thing.