Money Moral Dilemma: Can you go giftless to a wedding?



  • Lori_P_2
    Lori_P_2 Forumite Posts: 1 Newbie
    I think the whole idea of a gift list at a wedding is horrible - have we all forgotten what a wedding is about? Celebrating any occasion is about the occasion itself and not what presents you can get and this should be especially true of a wedding!
    We take gifts to weddings, for birthdays etc because, like most people, we want to but would absolutely, no way Jose, get in debt to do so. Most couples I know have all said they hated doing the wedding list anyway, so if we all stopped expecting one and enjoyed the day for the reason it is meant to be enjoyed then it's one less pressue for them! (This goes for weddings themselves - why are so many people that intent on the 'perfect wedding' that they start married life in debt? Not a great foundation to the start of life together!)
    By the way we didn't have a gift list for our wedding and although we did get some lovely presents we did tell anyone who asked to spend their money on thmselves, we want our friends company not their money!
  • freebird65
    freebird65 Forumite Posts: 1,751
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Well, it's all been said already - and very well too - with the exception of that ungrateful "tat" comment.

    When I get married I also want my nearest and dearest there to share the day and not for the gifts they bring. If people feel they need to, I'd much rather they got us something small & personal than something expensive. I already have everything I need in my home. (Want is another matter entirely :D ).

    At the end of the day, the people around you matter much more than objects - and will probably be around longer too!
  • Catonine
    Catonine Forumite Posts: 7 Forumite
    The last two weddings I have been to my husband and I have been pretty skint. Most of the wedding list for the first was WAY out of my price range, the cheepest thing on it was about £30. Instead we bought them a terramundi type pot with their names on it. The pot is basicaly a savings pot that you can only get into by breaking (and you are ment to buy a new one plus something nice with the procedes). The couple were thrilled and are enjoying saving some money themselves!! The pot was about £15 but you can buy them for as little as £8.

    The second wedding was that of my Dad to his longstanding lovely girlfriend, they have pretty much everything they want and so on a whim bought some little canvases and some tube paint from wilkinsons (about £6 in all) and got my kids to paint on them. They were excelent and the couple love them - they look better than some of the abstract art you can pay the moon for :rotfl:
  • oliversmum_2
    oliversmum_2 Forumite Posts: 5 Forumite
    No you should never go to a wedding without some sort of gift. I think it is very rude to go along and eat the food/drink the booze and not offer even a small gift.
    I don't think you should get yourself into trouble financially but I'm sure most people can stretch to a £10 or £20 voucher if everything on the list is too expensive. Especially when the bride and groom have paid upwards of £100 for your food and drink for the day!!
    Whitehill, Hampshire
    Busy mum of two gorgeous boys!
  • Suzy_M
    Suzy_M Forumite Posts: 777 Forumite
    OK I'm really going to get it now but
    I no longer give wedding gifts

    Two reasons for this -
    1) The appalling manners of some brides and grooms in forgetting to say 'Please' and 'Thank You' in any form!


    2) My main reason is weddings are no longer a 'once in a lifetime' event.
    I got thoroughly fed up with serial weddings and serial wedding gifts. I do still give a gift but it is a promisory note for the 10th wedding anniversary! If the couple are still together after 10 years they get the equivalent of whatever the gift value was on the day they married.
    So far I've only had to pay up for two out of seven - and those two couples really appreciated that little bit extra just for themselves (at least enough for a decent meal out) at a time when a lot of marriages can seem to be at a dull point.

    And yes I do still get invited to weddings!
  • Bryony48
    Bryony48 Forumite Posts: 10 Forumite
    I'd definitely go to a wedding without a gift if necessary; however, I usually work things differently.

    At a very posh wedding of a close friend, I was horrified to discover from the maid of honour that it was apparently 'correct form' at weddings to take along a gift to the value of what has been spent on you at the reception. I'd bought an inexpensive but perfect present for the bride. I hate buying from wedding lists as I find it soulless and impersonal and usually try to buy presents specific to the couple. I went to a wedding last month and as a memory of the day, I bought a selection of newspapers, the no 1 single, the no 1 book and then made a presenter of famous events in history which had taken place on that day, ending with the marriage of my friends. I hope they will keep these as a set to look back on in the future to remind them of their very special day. Over the years I've also adapted wedding list presents - the list said '12 mugs' so I spent weeks scouring seconds, charity shops and boot sales for funky mugs, and packed them all up in a homemade box to brighten up their new kitchen. My partner always promises a framed photograph he's taken which makes the personal touch - however, he hasn't actually got round to doing any of them yet, but I think this is more down to laziness than money saving! ;-D
  • Beverley
    Beverley Forumite Posts: 138
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    My ex husband's nephew was getting married and my children (and therefore I) were invited to the wedding which was 300 miles away.

    With the invitation was enlosed a slip of paper saying
    "Dear Wedding Guest
    We know that you really want to buy us a present but we have everything we need right now. What we would really like is some money towards our new home fund. It the added the bank account number and sort code"

    I was astonished that someone whom I'd only clapped eyes on only once is 12 years had the bare faced cheek to assume that I would want to buy them a gift so my reply declined their kind invitation to attend their wedding and I sent nothing.

    Equally, I recently attended my sister's wedding to her ex-husband. (I spent a small fortune the first time round so fully intended not spending much anyway) However, I took no gift as I wasn't in a position to afford anything - however, I will be treating them later this year.
  • roseygrech
    roseygrech Forumite Posts: 40 Forumite
    You have been invited to share their day - if they are good friends that is all they want.
  • Taffybiker
    Taffybiker Forumite Posts: 927 Forumite
    Anyone who thinks they can't go to a wedding without a gift is a snob. As a married man I can truthfully say the guests who made the effort to turn up at my big day were much more important and appreciated than any of the gifts.
    Try saying "I have under-a-pound in my wallet" and listen to people react!
  • robpw2
    robpw2 Forumite Posts: 14,044
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    gifts dont have to expensive and also if i found my friend wasnt at my commitment ceromony because of no money for a gift i would prefer to buy a gift myself wrap it up and drop it at there house the night before

    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
    Slimmer of the month February , March ,April
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