Money Moral Dilemma: Can you go giftless to a wedding?

Crispy_Ambulance

When we got married, I refused to have a wedding list - I hate them. We invited our friends to celebrate our marriage, not so that we could be "repaid" for the cost of the wedding by the gifts. I really disliked the thought of sending out a list of requests - it just sounds greedy.

In the end, people did buy us some lovely things and the best present was a £10 Boots voucher from a friend who didn't have much money and suggested that we spend it on toiletries. We bought a wok with it and have used that more than any of the other gifts.

A wedding should be about celebrating the fact that two people love each other enough to make a public commitment to each other. It shouldn't be about how much you can spend.

moneysavingmumofone

I would take something cheaper but with a lot of thought put into it, like a gift basket or similar.
Ive been to a wedding reception with no present, just a card but it was a friends mums wedding and our friend invited us at the last minute and we were totally skint! He was a millionaire (the groom) so i didnt feel too guilty:p
(i did really, felt like a meanie!)
P.s Now i come to think of it I didnt get my stepdads brother a present for his wedding either but i hardly knew him and i just assumed my stepdad was sorting a present from the whole family...
I got my sister a personalised wedding certificate holder that cost less than £10 inc postage and she really loved it

caroleanne_3

Having just got married, we set up a gift account with Habitat as we've lived together for a few years. The account enabled guests to donate any amount of money into the account and Habitat then added some and the result was over £800!

It ment that guests could give as little or as much as they could afford with no pressure or guilt, we even had guests putting small amounts in in installments over a few months.

8 months later when we moved house we could furnish it with what we wanted or needed from Habitat.

Also ment that everyone turned up without a gift!!!

mrsmcdade

Absolutely YES.

I got married 4 years ago and had a lot of student/generally quite poor friends and family who didn't bring a gift and we weren't at all offended. I would much rather everyone was there with us to enjoy our day than not coming because of something as silly as a present!

roversbabe

When we got married, I wasn't bothered about receiving gifts, I wanted my friends and family to share our celebration - with this in mind, I would go to a wedding without a gift if necessary. I'd much rather see my friends there than have anyone not coming because they couldn't afford a pressie.

rb x

punk_fairy

No I wouldnt go giftless. However, how about making something? Like an old picture of them when they were young or first dating? and put it into a nice home made frame or customise one of your unused ones?

Or another, How about making a little cake or buns? The ingrediants for a basic sponge cake can cost no more than £5 at the most. Also by making a cake you can also use the sma emixture to make little buns... and not only can you give a gift to the couple, you have also contributed to the buffet!

Most people will remember that sentimental present and realise the thought behind it.

vette_2

Hi All, you could always do what i have done in the past... A long time ago - whe i was a single mum with even LESS cash than now! - One friend I tarted my car up for her & drove her to the reg. office, then them both on to reception etc... For another friend (who was better off) i did her flowers as a gift... i'm not a professional, but i bought some cheap silk flowers from a car boot & practiced for ages, then did hers in the silks of her choice... There's LOTS of things you can offer without it costing you a fortune... Be well, 'Vette x

AngryTank

I will be celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary this year and i can honestly say when we got married we didnt give a hoot whether people bought us gifts, we just wanted them to come and have a good time with us on the day.

If i really couldn't afford to buy anything i'd not have any problems going giftless, after all marriage isn't about how many gifts you receive it's a declaration of your love and commitment to your partner.

Even if you've gots tonnes of cash maybe it would be a better idea to try making something yourself or writing a poem about your friends? Anyway i wouldn't feel guilty about not having a gift but i'd always regret not going to my friends special day.

NatFeerick

Let's turn this on its head for a second...Are they inviting you just to get a present? Hopefully not. They want your company first and foremost - to help them celebrate their special day. So absolutely I think you can go giftless! Plus, you don't usually give the present to the couple personally, it gets left on a gift table, so if you just walk in with an envelope containing your card an leave it on the gift table, onlookers will assume you've given them a cheque or vouchers. I very much doubt the happy couple will be checking off the gift-tags against the invite list. Go giftless - I bet no-one will ever notice!

badger277

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I've got a wedding list for a reason - i don't want random handmade tat as a gift cluttering up my shed (all unwanted presents have ended up there)

Just read this comment...why are you so tight and lack understanding when you use a money saving site for people who are trying their best to save money and in many cases get out of debt?
I was shocked at your quote.
When we got married 18 years ago you wouldn't believe the "tat" we got...we said thankyou very much and appreciated the thought (and ignored the lack of thought in some cases) that had gone into it.
I have to say most of the "tat" was expensive bought stuff, not the handmade or second-hand stuff (such as my husbands grandma's ottoman which had been given to her on her wedding day and then passed to us on ours) given to us by people we knew and who loved us.
Instead it was from distant relatives who we only ever saw that one time and were only trying to show off anyway!
If you don't like it, freecycle it or give it to charity and benefit from the feelgood factor that gives you. You could even possibly sell it on.
I agree weddings cost a fortune these days but that's more due to unrealistic imaginings of a "perfect day" like something from a celebrity magazine! People are going into debt, not to get married as that only costs the price of a licence, but to have a posh do, holiday or party to impress others.
Weddings are only the means to be married. If the couple who's wedding you are attending has forgotten this, then they don't deserve to have you much worry about the lack of a present. They are too materialistic to appreciate thought and effort anyway.
First time I've posted on here, forgive the rant...!