Money Moral Dilemma: Can you go giftless to a wedding?

shadej

I got married last year and only three people out of 78 adults bought a gift. Others gave us gifts of money and only one item off our wedding list was bought. Who cares the most important thing was our vowels. I would have been so upset if they had not come because they had no gift. I had already spent a fortune on catering and wine, so I wanted everyone to come and enjoy. That said I would never dream of turning up without a gift, I would find something within my budget.

cwp500

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I'm getting married in 6 weeks time, it's costing a LOT of money. .

They'll want you at their wedding more than a present anyway

its not really a dilemma. The whole business (and it is a business) surrounding weddings is outdated and excessively materialistic. Friendship is not judged by who spends the most money. Impoverished singletons like yours truly can be great friends as well!

If really skint then feign illness on the day and send or take a present when you can afford it.

Small gifts can be just as meaningful. A nice bale of towels and soap in a basket can be made up quite cheaply.

Dont forget charity shops - silver plated items can be picked up for pennies.

[Deleted User]

cwp500 wrote: »

If really skint then feign illness on the day and send or take a present when you can afford it.

I would be mortified if I found out someone did a sickie rather than come to my wedding. Not to mention it would be extremely rude, but we'd have spent £100 on a wasted meal

Stinkybell

I'm ressurecting this thread because I've got my own MMD!

A girl I used to work with as a teenager (I'm now in my mid-twenties) is getting married soon. My best friend is still in really close contact with her whereas I've always been more of an associate (not helped by us both moving away). My best friend was invited to the wedding where she will literally know the happy couple and that's it. She was originally not given a "plus one" but has now been granted one due to extended family not attending the wedding. She's single, and wants to bring me, which the bride is happy with. My best friend has already purchased her gift (quite expencive, from the Wedding List), but I really feel like I should contribute something!

Should I offer by best friend cash towards her present??
Should I buy something from their list?? Should this be cheap as I'm only a plus one??
Should I not bother with any sort of gift as my "date" has provided one for us as a couple??

Any advice appreciated!

pukkamum

I won't be buying my sister a wedding gift and she knows it.
.
She is getting married 300miles away so it is costing us £50 in petrol to get there and £160 in accomodation.

Not to mention the cost of a suit for my son and paying for mine and dd's bridesmaid shoes (she tried to make us pay for our own dresses but was sent away with a flea in her ear).

There is also the £145 i have also paid for her hen do which will cost me another £100 once there.

If she's lucky i might put a picture of them both in a frame but thats as far as it goes.

It makes me so angry when people use gettign married as a way of gettign all new stuff. It wouldn't bad if the married couple were setting up home after the wedding with nothing but most couples have lived together previously.

When i got married i couldn't bring myself to ask for gifts and when relentlessly pressed by relatives and friends said a few euros towards our honeymoon would be great.

pukkamum

Stinkybell wrote: »

I'm ressurecting this thread because I've got my own MMD!

A girl I used to work with as a teenager (I'm now in my mid-twenties) is getting married soon. My best friend is still in really close contact with her whereas I've always been more of an associate (not helped by us both moving away). My best friend was invited to the wedding where she will literally know the happy couple and that's it. She was originally not given a "plus one" but has now been granted one due to extended family not attending the wedding. She's single, and wants to bring me, which the bride is happy with. My best friend has already purchased her gift (quite expencive, from the Wedding List), but I really feel like I should contribute something!

Should I offer by best friend cash towards her present??
Should I buy something from their list?? Should this be cheap as I'm only a plus one??
Should I not bother with any sort of gift as my "date" has provided one for us as a couple??

Any advice appreciated!

If you are a plus one then i would think a card would be sufficient.

bandraoi

Cash towards the present from your best friend. You don't have to go for splitting it 50/50.
Then put your name on her card.

brightonman123

if they are really good friends, they will know and understand your money situation, and just (hopefully) enjoy your company..

how about a home made gift, or a fun 'IOU' certificate?

i found one firm that did an interesting certificate that had various facts from the day someone was born, or for a special (advance) day- momemnts in history, famous births etc..

pm me for details, as not at home right now.

WhyIsSavingSoHard

When my sister got married this year, I was on Job Seekers and was told by her NOT to worry about getting anything for them as she knew I'd be saving for an outfit and such. I knew I couldn't go without a present, so saved up for something smaller on their list and promised to cook them both a meal sometime soon. Their friends and family being there meant more to them presents. If I was a plus one, I'd ask about chipping in with the cost of their present and putting my name on their card. I certainly wouldn't go out and buy something myself.

Oh and for anyone thinking of saying you'll go to a function that's having food and just not turning up, in my opinion that's worse than not taking a present! My mum had to pay nearly £300 for wasted food at my sister's wedding. Even knowing a week before would have stopped that!

Brasileiro_Brit

There are some great responses on here...

I think you definitely should provide a gift, however, it does not need to be purchased.

For example: If you are in a couple and they have just bought a new house which needs a lot of manual work, you could make them a nice voucher for a weekend of intensive labouring to help them paint a room, clear a garden whatever. I personally would really value that plus it would be good fun!

I realise this example doesn't represent your situation but you get the point. I think it is just lazy and unthoughtful to think that you may not go because you cannot afford to buy a present, good friends don't care about inanimate objects and would remember your creative gift much more than who bought them the gravy jug!

Get thinking!