Money Moral Dilemma: Can you go giftless to a wedding?

chocolatechipcookies

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I've got a wedding list for a reason - i don't want random handmade tat as a gift cluttering up my shed (all unwanted presents have ended up there)

What a disgusting attitude to have.

jec_60

bigbadandy wrote: »

None of my wife's family had such a moral dilemma they didn't bother bringing any gifts and weren't the least bit embarrassed about eating and drinking all the spread we'd put on. The thing is, none of them were even particularly skint!

A few friends who I knew to be broke didn't buy presents, I knew the expenses of getting to the wedding inc overnight accomodation was quite enough so a present was not required.

I was in the same situation in '97. In laws gave us a set of towels and MIL made the wedding cake. Couldn't get the knife into it, not what I had asked for(square, concrete icing, 2 tiers, icing flowers, awful piping:eek: ). Makes me sound ungrateful but she kept phoning to check what wanted and even had photos--had turned down offer from best mate who had won awards for her cakes.
DH brother + wife gave us nothing at all and my parents even put them up + fed them for 3 days!!:mad:

rlp

I would generally stick to the list but ask if someone would share the cost and give a joint gift.
I am not in a debt situation (except a mortgage) but I still hate to spend money on things that the recipient won't value.
When we got married, we invited the whole church to the service and a buffet reception. We really didn't want presents off any but family etc. (And made that clear.) We were not organised with a gift list past a few suggestions to relatives. We were not broke and did not need a second set of everything we had already. We received some trinket presents which we never liked or used. We may have given them away but that was not held against the giver.
This shows my attitude to presents that are not appropriate - it also means that I look like a skinflint for going to weddings without a present sometimes.

cherrycupcake

I'd buy a gift or if they had a list that I couldn't afford something on then I'd buy a voucher for them to put towards something. That way I don't overspend and they get something they want!

When I got married not one family member on my side bought us a gift! My 'best' gift was quite amazing...... It was one of those horrible £1 shop porcelain figure things - that was USED! Not only that, it had soil in the bottom from where they had had it in their plant pot for decoration! Give me tat anyday! lol

cherrycupcake

Very good point rlp - I agree that there's no point in buying something for the sake of it. We're 'this close' to telling people to not bother buying our kids anything 'cos they buy utter random rubbish that just sits in the cupboard untouched (and then gets discreetly taken to the charity shop!)

Pumpkin_Pie_5

When we got maried we had a list, because people asked about it and some people do prefer it. But a few of our closest friends don't have a lot of spare cash - Did that mean I didn't want them there? NO! Our wedding cost what it cost because WE wanted to spnd that money on food drink and entertainment. And WE wanted our friends to be there.

My very best chum's present to us was doing the reading at the registry office. He's very shy so I know what that cost him and and it was priceless.

And frankly as someone who is about to buy a first home, if we'd received a present of a day painting I'd be thrilled.;)

Oh, and the best present we gave, according to the recipients? A tree from the Woodland Trust at a cost of £10.

OutOfMind

I recently had this problem. I've been out of work for sometime, causing a debt problem.

I went without a gift, but I did speak to the bride before the big event, letting them know. I also said I'd help them celebrate their 1st anniversary with something. Friends wouldn't want you to make a situation worse.

I would say that any couple would want the people there to celebrate their marriage / love and not think of what gifts they can get. If they're just thinking of things like gifts etc. perhaps they should re-examine themselves.

Things went well

[Deleted User]

I've never actually been to a wedding where you bring a gift on the day - a card maybe, but not an actual present. Everything is given before

I'm liking my gift list - I get an email every time someone buys us something. Just got a Jamie Oliver stir fry pan! We already have most essentials, but lack things like 'good china' - thats mostly what our wedding list comprises of.

I like the Greek wedding tradition of pinning money on the wedding dress, that's very cool.

trejoy

If its family or close friends, then they would know your finances. My brother, who was unemployed but good with a camera, became our photographer, my friend did my hair and make-up. You don`t have to buy from list or even spend money, you could offer help with decorating, gardening, whatever. People invite you for who you are, not for what you can give.
Be happy:beer:

ldavies_3

My husband and I married 2 years ago after 14 years together and we didnt want any gifts at all. It was a real pleasure to have our guests there. My friend acted as photographer and gave us a beautiful album as a reminder of our day. It was more important to have our guests share our day than people buying gifts that were uneccesary. It wasnt a big do either as the day was organised within 2 weeks as my FIL was really ill and didnt order a cake until 3 pm the previous day lol