Money Moral Dilemma: Can you go giftless to a wedding?



  • jameskay_98
    jameskay_98 Forumite Posts: 7 Forumite
    A wedding gift list is still open after the wedding usually closes at least 2 weeks after, so you still have time after the occasion until pay day.
  • Kazza1
    Kazza1 Forumite Posts: 18 Forumite
    Real friends don't want presents at their wedding. They want their friends and family!

    As others have said, homemade gifts are often the best. For one couple (who are into food and cooking), we put together a collection of recipes from their friends and family and put them in a nice card box (but you could equally put them into a nice scrap book of some sort). We did buy them another present as well, but the recipe box was the one they remember and the one that made them cry! (happy tears of course!).
  • rosepink1984
    rosepink1984 Forumite Posts: 2,753 Forumite
    I've got a wedding list for a reason - i don't want random handmade tat as a gift cluttering up my shed (all unwanted presents have ended up there)

    Firstly, it's not tat, secondly, if you don't like the gift , that's a shame but at least you got a present from a somebody who couldn't afford the wedding list! Of course I would buy something on the wedding list if at all possible, but it's not always possible without breaking the bank so I have to think of an alternative, as I want to give something.
    Why don't you sell unwanted gifts on ebay or give them to the charity shop?
    "Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together."
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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Forumite Posts: 0
    Holiday Haggler
    I have visions of pasta shells, spray painted and glued onto picture frames in my head and they won't go away.

    We actually received 'hand me down presents' as engagement gifts (we knew the people who'd given them originally'. I do like the idea of flogging them on ebay.

    Lets just hope people stick to the list.
  • flowersflowers
    flowersflowers Forumite Posts: 21 Forumite
    Wedding invitations are normally sent well in advance, aren't they? A friend of mine is getting married in September and I got the invitation last week, so I have lots of time to scrape together the costs of presents, travel, things to wear etc.

    I'd never deviate from the gift list unless I was certain that what I'd make or get would be a valuable contribution to their lives. I'm not sure everyone who gives homemade things actually think of that.
  • mintedby30?
    mintedby30? Forumite Posts: 120
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    I definately wouldn't go giftless but I know that any of my real friends would understand if I was unable to afford something from their giftlist.

    I would offer to contribute to their wedding as someone has mentioned already- arrange flowers, take photos etc or make them something- perhaps a beautiful photo album or DVD of the day.

    If some or all of the couples were friends of each others as well and getting married at the same time you could organise a pampering day for say the brides and one of their friends- and you! Rope in other friends, little sisters etc to give facials and manicures and provide some sparkling wine, nibbles, magazines etc. You could have a really fab day for £50 or less!

    I would say to organise a joint hen/ stag night and pay £50-£100 towards everyones drinks but most brides I know would not have been happy to share their night- and they shouldn't have to- it just depends on the people.

    I think the main point is that if they are really good friends, they'll only care that you're there on their special day.

    Sorry everyone about the sig- I'm not crazy enough to be thinking about Christmas just yet!
  • lemmings
    lemmings Forumite Posts: 5 Forumite
    Yes you can! A few years ago we were invited to a wedding miles away from where we live. We had very little money and were both struggling to find jobs. We had to pay for travel and new outfits . Luckily we found someone to stay with so we didn't have to pay for accommodation too. I apologised to my friend for not having a gift and she said that having us at her wedding was more important than a present. And I agree.

    At our wedding we had a gift list if people wanted to buy us a gift but we didn't force the buying of gifts on anyone. What we wanted was all our family and friends to come together to celebrate our getting married and to enjoy the day. That's what a wedding is about not getting gifts.
  • Loothelev
    Loothelev Forumite Posts: 1 Newbie
    I was skint when my brother's best friend got married so I offered to babysit their children at their house on the wedding night and spruced my house up so they could stay there instead as they couldn't afford a hotel for the night... I just made sure they felt comfortable stopping at mine and stocked my fridge with contents of a full breakfast and parked their car at mine ready for the day after. It only cost me the price of egg, bacon etc and they had a fab evening without worrying about keeping an eye on the little ones as when the kids got tired I whisked them home from the party. The children spent the day after with me a the park and the happy couple rolled home in time for tea having had a lovely day out. A winner all round (though obviously you'd have to know them well enough!)
  • HJR
    HJR Forumite Posts: 17 Forumite
    No one should be obliged to take a gift. Weddings are about the couple. The Couple choose to have a wedding and spend the money. Surely the idea of guests is for them to share the day as friends and family not as gift givers. If as a guest you want to buy a present go ahead but if for whatever reason you don't want/can't buy a gift it shouldn't be held against you. I agree with others here that as a guest you spend already on travel, outfits and accomodation. You certainly shouldn't borrow just to buy a present.
  • AMH999
    AMH999 Forumite Posts: 27 Forumite
    I am getting married in 8 weeks and I've asked people on the invites not to bring presents as we've been living together for 8 years. However the wedding/honeymoon cost lots of money so I've asked people to donate cash ONLY if they really want to give something. Other friends are helping to organise etc and I'd rather people did this than give gifts as it's a headache!
    if i had known then what i know now
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