am I being selfish & unreasonable?

cupid_s

What sort of sister asks for £425 with no intention of paying it back?
And to throw it back in your face when you offer a full loan, and interest free as well.
Maybe you could try pointing out in that you choose to live in a nice house, have a nice car and go on holiday but all this costs money. And paying for these things leaves you with probably no more spare cash than your sister has.

jackie_w

Once again, thank you for all your replies.

When DH came home last night I told him, and ended up in tears saying how terrible I felt.
Well, he put his foot down. He said we werent giving her anymore money especially as she refused the money as a "loan".

He phoned my sister and my mum, and basically told them sis isnt a charity case, and we are not a bank. He told sis to stand on her own 2 feet and take responsibility for her actions. She wasnt very happy.
He told my mum she could pay for the repair of her car off the babysitting money we give her. He told her that we had offered my sis the money as a loan which she refused to which my mum replied "well she cant afford to pay you it back so what good is that to her"!!!!! They dont seem to realise that at least it would get her car fixed.

I dont feel so bad this morning . Mum was a bit cold towards me when I dropped DS off at her house today.
Im not going to ask how sis is getting on, or what she is going to do to get her car fixed, Im staying out of it altogether. I just hope she realises that im not going to be an easy source of cash for her, and she will have to tighten the purse strings and stop buying treats, and then she can get her car fixed.

Jackie

skylight

Well done for taking a stand. And well done hubby for standing right there besides you about it (and a bit in front too!)

I know that it couldn't have been easy, but you have made your position clear.

*Louise*

Well done your DH!!!:T

Craftyscholar

jackie_w wrote: »

He told my mum she could pay for the repair of her car off the babysitting money we give her.
Mum was a bit cold towards me when I dropped DS off at her house today.
Jackie

Well done DH! especially after they suggested you should go behind his back.
It might be an idea to look into other childcare arrangements just in case your mum decided to get difficult.

Carmina_Piranha_3

yes i was going to suggest looking at childcare just in case. breakfast and after school probably wouldn't cost much more than you are paying your mum anyhow.

well done your DH :T he did exactly what was needed. you shouldn't feel guilty or start to weaken - you and your DH are a team.

Carmina_Piranha_3

epsilondraconis wrote: »

I agree you shouldn't cave in; however sometimes that's easier said than done.

How about telling her that you will give her half of the money and that for her birthday / Christmas, you will give her only a token present?

half the money? yikes i wouldn't give any of my relatives over £200 in cash for christmas no matter how poor they were, let alone of they had a job earning 24k :eek:

Burlesque_Babe

you are making the right decision to now stand back and not enquire any more about the car etc.

I do wonder deep down if you Mum knows you are correct but can't now be seen to back down??

margaretclare

Jackie_W

Good for your DH, and I'm glad he's prepared to 'put his foot down' and take a firm stand.

Your sister works full-time and has a car. Anyone who has a car is well aware that there are expenses connected with it. It's only a mechanical contraption made of metal, and such things are not foolproof, are subject to breaking down! Money that is earned has to go, first and foremost, on to essentials, and THEN whatever is left over (if anything) can be spent on luxuries like holidays, nights out, bottles of wine, whatever. There are huge numbers of people out there who have not learned this simple fact, and the responses you've had, other people's experiences, really underline this. Your mother doesn't seem to have much of a clue either, and she is NOT helping your sister, by putting all the onus on to you. She could help, but it would mean addressing her own priorities first and learning a bit about what's essential and what's not.

JimmyTheWig

jackie_w wrote: »

DH wouldnt be too happy about giving her money, and I have explained this too, but, my mum and sis are telling me just to take the money from my bank and not tell him!!!!! There is no way I would do this!!!!!!

I know that we've moved on a bit from this but I just had a thought...
Good job you didn't do this. Not sure you should be taking councel from your mum and your sister about how to handle your OH. Remember they both split up with theirs...