Coming clean...how do you do it?

john_kent

I seeked advice , then presented the problem and solution to my family. Dad went bananas , mum cried a bit. But that was two weeks ago . yesterdya , Dad tells me he has faith in me to sort it out via CCCS , Mum has fille dmy food cupboard up to see me through until the end of March when they return from hols.

Then , mum and dad tell me , that they will stop taking keep. they dont need the money as they work hard and holiday everuy year. they dont drink or smoke , and see keep as a way of me paying my way.

This is a big help , as it means for the forseeable future I will have extra funds to pay debtors.

My GF know I am in debt. She doesnt know the amount , but she saves her spare cash and takes me to the odd pint and a burger. Occassionaly we can stretch to a budget weekend away. I am lucky as she doesnt like material things in life. Last July , we collected some small pebbles form the beach. At christmas , i bough a glass dish for 99p form the cheap shop. A candle for the same. Found a stone polishing kit in the shed and made her a table ornament. She loved that more then the ring i bought the christams before.

Everyone is different. But at the end of the day , they will have to accept it or dump you. Family doesnt do that. Money is not all in a relationship.

Me_Myself_2

Good luck John.

HAVEFAITH

As we all have a common thread here please ALL believe that things WILL get better.

I found myself with credit card debt from compulsive gambling and share dealing. I sat down one day (& just sitting down facing facts is hard to do when you try and block out all the issues and high card balances) and faced the numbers from the statements looking at me saying ... oi you are in debt to the tune of £32k ... 7 credit cards with balances totalling that number. Two of the cards have 0 pct interest the other ranging from 13% apr upwards. Then you look at the interest amount (approx £300+ each statement date). Obviously with the minimum payment I just adding debt to debt. I have spent months saying to myself, hey don't worry you'll win the lottery or the problems will better themself in time. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and said 'GET REAL' and sort it! ... it's the only way. So onto the internet i went and looked at the cheap loans on the market. Northern Rock looked good, (it's flexible-you can add to the monthly amount and early redeem without charge and low rate) So I applied in order to consolidate my debts and was offered a rate of 8.9%. I was not happy with this apr and wrote back to them and requested 5.8 that was on offer (without loan protection - waste of money). After a week they agreed and gave me 5.8 ... So at least on a monthly basis I know where the hell I am with outgoings. The credit cards are no longer (shredded them!) and if I have a few bob more each month I pay more off the loan. The bottom line here is at least there is a light now appearing at the end of this dark tunnel - the rest is up to me. I need this discipline and hope it helps anyone who has read this. Best of luck - take control of debt!! - IT WORKS.

Bunnyinthelights

Justin,
As you know, I was is the exact situation and it was the most terrifying thing I ever did telling my husband.
However, the secrets, lies and fear were erroding our relationship more then the debt was. My worst fear was that he would leave me and I would be without the person I value more than anythign in this world (other then my children of course!). It was over 3 years of being scared, depressed, worried, anxious and effectively deepening the debt treble fold because of it. My regret is not telling him sooner-perhaps I wouldn't have had to hit rock bottom to get the help I needed and wouldn't have had to utterly destroy my credit rating in the process. But that is by the by...As I have put in my post, I have a home, food in the fridge, excellent health, beautiful, happy children and a husband that is sticking by me. What more in riches do I need? It has truly made the single largest difference in our relationship in the nearly 13 years we've been together. We are more happy now then we have ever been, the honest and support is more then I ever dreamed of.
It was hell when I told him, pure hell. He cried, I cried. He walked out. I thought it was over. Then, I don't know if it's a survival issue, I stopped being afraid. My worst fears were being confirmed and I was going to be on my own...Then, he came back. We talked, and talked some more, then we talked more. More then we have in years. I remembered things about my childhood that have affected me more then I chose to recognize that lead me to try and find happiness and secruity in food, clothes and gifts for my family. (None of those things worked obviously!) It was a revelation and I feel more free and happy then I can ever remember in my adult life.
Please tell her. It will be horrible, I can tell you that. You may even want to laugh, I did! The situation was so dire and absurd that I was almost hysterical! But these things will pass, then the healing and re-building can go from there.
If I can help, please PM me.
Good luck,
Bunny

HAVEFAITH

Bunny, a brilliant post & a so recognizable read .... I lost my breath whilst reading it because the similarity was unreal! .... isn't it great to be on this earth again .... head high girl!!!! :j

Bunnyinthelights

Thanks,
Has anyone heard from Justin lately?
Bunny

crystal_clear

Hi there

Justin is still around the boards and answering some questions.
he was last on here midweek, but i think you will find he has given up on this thread. Please dont hold your breath for him to reply, although agreed it would be nice to get an update on how he is doing.