Coming clean...how do you do it?

natters_2

I can't think of anything else that everyone else hasn't already mentioned except one - I am assuming you have had to be secretive in handling all these problems on your own - so your wife will probably already be aware that something is very wrong - should her mind work in the same way mine does I would be suspecting an affair - so maybe finding out it is debt that is causing the problem could come as a great relief?

bluezone

I had some debt which my husband knew about some of it and he had debt which I didn't realise how much until I found some bills unopened or just not paid. Since then he has let me take control of the money side and I have typed up a spreadsheet of our cc balances and in and outs of our monthly wages. It is a hell of a worry we are about £112k in debt but i feel more in control having written things down and we both see ittogether. Down hold out on her - TELL HER

Justindebt

Well, thanx for the advice and good wishes, everyone.

And I know I really should tell her....the thing is how to go about it.

To be told you married to a man who has run up 100K in debts is, I would imagine, going to fel like the end of the world.

She has a very good friend in whom I have confided a bit.....I was thinking of telling her first and having her wait in the wings while I break the news.

Then she can "coincidentally" drop by the house after I have told her.

I don't want to spend the night at home when I tell her.

Anyway.....I have taken some steps.

I called the CCCS and they have arranged a telephone interview next Tuesday.....also I called about an IVA and a woman is to call me this afternoon.

I have complications there, though, as Mrs. J is a bit under the weather and didn't go into work today.

She is due to go to Spain for a week the weekend after next (with her friend) so I think I will let her have that break and make a date with myself to tell her when she returns.

Though I really don't know how.

skintchick

PLease don't have the friend drop by - if your wife realises you talked to someone else about this other than her, she is going to feel awful. And angry. And I'm afraid you will need to spend the night at home, as your wife will need you.

THe longer you leave it the harder it will be - I agree you might like to let her have the holiday first, but are you sure the friend won;t tell her while they're away?

I think you just need to bite the bullet and do it.

Good luck

tinalives

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Justindebt

Thanx, skint and tina....I won't tell the friend, then.

fairylights_2

perhaps it might be better to tell BEFORE she goes away otherwise she'll come home happy and then be deflated. Plus it'll give her some time away to rant and rave about how cross she is whilst you can get on dealing with things - and her friend who it sounds like knows a bit already will be there for support and help at that time.

Personally, I'd say the sooner the better, it's a bit like putting off the inevitable. You'll kick yourself if she's fine with it and you've been working it up to be something it's not (here's hoping for you, anyway!)

Petal_3

I would tell her today....there IS no right time...there IS no right way (imo). Just do it...

Thinking of you....

skintchick

If she's at home it could be a good time today.

You could always show her this thread and she'll know how worried you've been and how scared to tell her.

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by her reaction once she gets over the shock.

kazzaj

I posted an earlier thread, but after your comments about not wanting to stay at home after you have told her, I thought I needed to say something else.
I know exactly how difficult it is to tell your other half that you have managed to run up huge debts behind their back. My husband found out about my deceipt and after an extremely stressful and unpleasant couple of days of not speaking, we sat down together and talked things through. This was about 2 months ago, we have now sorted out the debts and taken action to manage them, our relationship is stronger than ever because we have worked through this TOGETHER, and we are about to book a holiday away. I would imaging that if you told you wife, let her shout at you and then walked out of the house, she would almost certainly feel as if she had done something wrong. I know it really seems like the end of the world, but if your marriage is worth anything, then this will NOT be the end. I cant begin to tell you how much better I feel now our "affairs" are out in the open and it is so much easier to sort this out WITH someone else.
Please tell her.
PS> Agree with the earlier posting, dont tell her mate!

Good luck,
Kaz