Coming clean...how do you do it?

Justindebt

No, I am definitely not telling her before she goes away.

If there is no right time to tell her, there most certainly is a wrong time....I wil let her enjoy her break first.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi, there.

I have been reading with interested, and am glad that you realise that you MUST tell your wife.

My first thoughts were you should tell her before she goes away. She will have something to look forward to. Mainly because she will be able to get away from all the stress of it, and she WILL have a good time on holiday.

But something you have said has signalled alarm bells, if you have confided a lot to her friend about your situation (don't know what extent).....then won't you be worried when they are away together????????????????

Just something to think about?

regards
pot

tinalives

.................................

Justindebt

Pot....this girl has known we have a few problems since four years ago.

Hasn't said a word.....never will.

In fact, she even helped me out finacially a bit at that time.......

But tina, no, there is no way I am telling her this before her break next week.

What would it achieve?

Nowt....that's what.

It would just put a dampener on her holiday for her.

Three weeks after she comes back from Spain we are off to Portugal.

I was thinking of telling her before we go (say two weeks before)....then we can go away and come back refreshed ready for whatever needs to be done.

But no....no way beforehand....apart from owt else I am looking forward to a pressure free week regarding the postman etcetera.

tinalives

..............................

Justindebt

No, the holiday is a freebie....her company paid for the plane and they are staying at the holiday villa of another friend.

So there is not much money being spent.

crystal_clear

Justindebt

I have read all this thread and have to say i would rather be inclinded to tell her before she goes away this time because you say your both going three weeks after. I would give her the news now let here get it outof her system to a degree then when she comes back having rested and mulled it over she will probably be able to offer more support and advice than you could have imagined. You then both have the next three weeks to think of plans of attacks before going away together (if you leave it to long and tell her then there is likley to be a lot of resentfullness about when you both go away) I would tell her now then allow her the space (time away) to catch her breath

Also big Alarm bells ringing here I noticed that you mention IVA and that you have a 300k? home with equity. DDDDDDDoooooonnnnnnnntttttttt go there I too have debt for other reasons and nearly considered this option OMG am i so glad i didnt I have heard so much about these things. Whilst they appear to work for them that have no assetts they appear to hit them hard that do
your in for 5 yrs you are told what you can live on in that time via regular reviews you are not allowed to take any further debt on that is secured in any way without there strict permission and come the 4th year you are given a list of prefferential lenders to apply and get a second mortgage from then the balances out standing at that time are paid up to the lenders( ok I may have skipped one or two bits but principal all the same) So you will have to comply with this IVA as legally binding for all the time stated paying month in month out for years and then you get towards the end you have to remotgage to pay you way out and you just landed another 15-25 yrs debt ???????? oh and i do believe your credit rating is shot for around 11 yrs as 5 yrs in debt and 6 on file after satisfied all creditor.
Please really check this out before going down that road ask all the questions especially relating to the remarks i have made.
I have a friend in an IVA and its a nightmare for them as they own there home. They have had the worst 3 years of there lives trying to meet this IVA and couldnt have tried harder but have failed and awaiting the letter to say they have failed and being declared bankrupt all coz one of them lost a good paid job and got another but at less money and could not get IVA to lower inline with wage decrease.
from what i hear of IVA i would take all other options first and then if failed go bankrupt but would never in a month of sundays take the IVA route.
Please note these are my personal choices and comments and its upto you to check it all out for yourself and not take my word as gospel....
Good luck and plz tell her now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Justindebt

Thank you very much, Crystal Clear....I wil rethink this IVA business.

Apple_2

Not sure I fully understand what is happening here.

You have been deceiving your wife about your debts. You have decided that she deserves to be deceived for a little longer.

Did I get that right?

If I did get it right, how do you think she will see it? Will she be grateful that she deserves to be deceived?

Apple_2

Not sure I fully understand what is happening here.

You have been deceiving your wife about your debts. You have decided that she deserves to be deceived for a little longer.

Did I get that right?

If I did get it right, how do you think she will see it? Will she be grateful that she deserves to be deceived?