Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

sticher

Sorry I think it was as Spendless says my question that started the topic to go off on a tangent. But I agree with Piratess 'I think its good to gain from others experiances as teens are all different and develop veru differently to.'

I also agree with Spendless that it is not one extreme or the other. I feel I let my boys have as much freedom as possible, within the boundaries I set for their ages.

having a open (well as open as possible) relationship with kids (like piratess obviously does) can only be agood thing totally agree with this and do have with my children, smothering children and calling it protecting them is not allowing them to develop theor own personality's as human being, their just becoming who you think they should be and not who they want to be again I agree. If u show them you have confidence in them to make the right decisions in life i'm sure u wont be disappointed Not necessarily IMO especially when they are still so young (which I think 14 is) A 14 year old may be sensible, etc but they are still not necessarily able to make all the right choices for themselves and that is where a parent's guidance comes in to itself.

haylibo

Its actually a fact that teen pregnancy is declining (and by the way the the term "teen pregnancy" that is used by the media and the statistics that they quote are for pregnancies under the age of 20).
Sorry to turn into the anorak at the party...the rate of teen pregnancy is falling overall (not as much in some areas as others and the overall numbers are still increasing) but is still massivley high compared to much of europe and the rate of STDs is increasing like mad.

The stats for teen pregnancy are for mothers under the age of majority i.e. 18. Still young to be with a child but not a true reflection of the rates for underage sex.

It is tough to know how to navigate the whole topic with teens and I have to say OP sounds fantastically open and straight - you have a really lucky daughter - but I do think we have a cultural problem with sex and it bothers me a lot.

In many ways it offends me as a mother of daughters that we mums are left to try to help navigate through it all when society as a whole has such an unhealthy approach to our girls and their bodies. How sad that this is all linked to eating disorders and poor body image too. I think the pressures are enormous and I certainly don't wish to rant at other concerned parents so I'll get off my soap box.

Hayles

claireandella

Can I stick my two pennorth in and go off at a tangent please? I'm really concerned about the videos and pictures on my partner's cousins sons (sorry bit convoluted) phones, which I saw a couple of weeks ago. The middle boys are 11, 13 and 14 ish and I caught them at a family party laughing and proudly showing off their phones to other, adult family members who had no problem with the content at all, and in fact were laughing as well (apparently a lot of the content was provided by the mum's new 17 year old boyfriend!!!!). They showed my partner who was less than impressed, said it was disgusting and that it should be deleted so then they tried to show me.

I'm not a prude but I doubt the video I saw was even legal- it was extreme pornography that was so degrading for the woman involved I'm surprised she actually survived it. They also had video of someone being beheaded and similar. I actually feel sick thinking about it. And these are children who shouldn't have a clue about these things (I must admit I didn't). To my mind this is a form of child abuse, although I spoke to their father and grandmother about it and both thought it was fine. Am I worrying unneccessarily?

I should add that we have very little to do with the family as this is one more incident in a catalogue, but I'm worried this will really damage these kids and wonder if anything can be done.

haylibo

Wow, that one has left me speechless and it takes a lot.

There are laws relating to exposing a minor to pornography but I don't have time to search at the mo. I would phone the NSPCC and ask their advice. Sounds like quite a family.

Badger_Lady

haylibo wrote: »

Badgerlady here are some stats but the most useful site is down:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/343062.stm
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/12/30/nsexed130.xml

Just do a search.

sounds like it could give some accurate guidance on how to raise your children!

what?

Thanks... but when you posted before, you said "that's not what the statistics are showing with regard to teen pregancy", in reference to the fact that my teenage mum friends were babied through their early teens.

I assumed you had statistics to show that teens who are given trust and responsibility (as opposed to babied) are more likely to become pregnant... but I can't see that from your links..?

haylibo

http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/bsc/anp/2004/00000038/00000004/art00004;jsessionid=r3qucf0kq9jp.alice?format=print
here we go. There is a better report but the site seems to be down. Will post in due course.

haylibo

http://64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:nEjMlEiAkN0J:www.uniview.co.uk/pdf/teenagepregnancy.pdf+teenage+pregnancy+accelerating&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=3&gl=uk&client=firefox-a
This is clearer on the risk factors. Doesn't mention overprotective parenting.

Badger_Lady

I might just be missing it still... but I can't find the bit that says "Teenage Mothers are most likely to have been brought up in a style where they are given more responsibility and independence from their parents".

The report is good - it says that socio-economic background and lack of education have a strong correlation, and also those brought up in carehomes. But it doesn't mention any correlation with parenting style.

If such a statistic does indeed exist, I'll be more than happy to reverse my feelings on the subject and recommend to anyone that they should control their children's activities and keep them dependent for as long as possible. I will accept that my two friends were just anomalies who happened to get pregnant despite their parents treating them like children. I'll also revise my beliefs drawn from time spent studying teenage psychology.

haylibo

Girls having sex under-16 are three times more likely to become
pregnant than those who first have sex over 16. viEarly onset of
sexual activity Is this the independence you refer to?
I'm sorry, I don't accept that giving more independence to your teen decreases the risk of pregancy and that the 'protected' girls in your anecdotal case.
Maybe this would have happened to them anyway, but it seems coincidental to me that the teenagers who were allowed their own independence appropriately took more precautions against getting into trouble. Exactly, it is coincidental. There are no reports to suggest that this style of parenting produces more at risk children.
Statistics show the risk is for those involved in underage sex, with parents who have low level aspirations, for those who truant and for those who are themselves children of teen mothers. The notion of 'protective parenting' is your own construct.
Appropriate independence is a difficult one to define but the issue is whether there is evidence to suggest that 'protective' parenting is a risk factor in teenage pregnancy rates and there is no evidence of that other than your anecdote.
I might just be missing it still... but I can't find the bit that says "Teenage Mothers are most likely to have been brought up in a style where they are given more responsibility and independence from their parents".
Don't be silly - but nor does it say teenage mothers are more likely to be the offspring of protective parenting which was your assertion.
I'll also revise my beliefs drawn from time spent studying teenage psychology. So you have evidence that protective parenting is a risk factor? One factor raised was the issue of sex education for girls both in and out of school but nothing more specific than that and this is argued in other studies as being irrelevent once other factors are considered.
There is no evidence that there is a link between protective parenting and teen pregancy rates. It's an anecdotal example. The statisics show that the risks are from other sources.

Badger_Lady

Ah - sorry, I wasn't trying to imply that over-protective parenting causes issues like teen pregnancy, just that it can be as damaging to a child's development as under-active parenting.

A healthy dose of trust in your teen is (IMO) the best way to keep a positive parent-child relationship, allowing them to develop into responsible adults.

And no, I have never intended my definition of "independence" to be "sexual activity". The two are mutually exclusive.