Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

piratess

Hhmm i dont know the parents of the boy, But when my DD gets home im going to tell her about being in the public eye and how things from peoples teen years somtimes jump up and bite them in the bum ... She wants to be in the poilce force in the mounted section eventually .. so she needs to be "good" ..... and she knows this! ....
She has a very dark view on drugs and smoking so much so that when my parents visit (they smoke) she usually smells like she has been bathing in the contents of the perfume counter from boots!
Its just the whole "growing up" experimenting stuff! .... I wish we had a manual! ... But when i think back to when i was her age! i was about the same as regards to boys, had a cpl of boyfriends but only done kissing where as my friend at the same age had done MUCH more (i only found this out yesterday and she was hugely embarresed) ...... Oh im babbling again!

vixarooni

Piratess: i wasnt calling your daughter a slag. I just know what happens when girls do this sort of thing because ive had friends who have done alot less, and got a lot of stick for it.

Let her know that 16 is not some magical number where she is free to have sex with whatever. I remember when i was 15, thinking oh my god im totally not ready for sex yet and im nearly 16. I waited untill i was 19 to lose my virginity, im about the only person i know that enjoyed it more than anything. It was absolutly fantastic, i was totally ready, totally relaxed and loved the person i did it with and still do.

I have no more advice really, good luck and i hope you find an answer!

piratess

Thanks vixarooni! I do know what your saying, I agree its not some magic number im just saying she has said she is waiting until she is at least 16 as she knows its against the law .... she has also said that some lads say things just to get what that want and of course we know shes right lol ...

She has said after a recent s3x ed lesson that she is going to wait until she is ready altho some girls at school ar saying they have already done it and that somtimes she feels a bit left out ... peer pressure is a orrible thing, but even so she has said she doesnt care whether they think she is frigid she is gonna wait till shes ready

Thanks all for your replies! ....

sticher

she is waiting until she is at least 16 as she knows its against the law

I have to say that this comment, coupled with the photos, and the fact that you say she has already done 'boobs' to me implies that she is on the point of having sex, regardless of what she says to you. If a couple are going so far as 'boobs' then it could easily lead to more in the heat of the moment. The fact that it is against the law doesn't always make a difference.

Slightly off topic, but I personally know of a family whose daughter started dating an 18 year old man when she was 13. Her parents insist it is innocent (been seening each other for over a year now) as that is what their daughter tells them. I personally can't believe an 18 year old (who was sexually active with previous girlfriends) would be interested in a platonic relationship with a 13/14 year old.

I have a 14 (almost 15) year old son and I would not be happy about him sending photos of himself undressed to anyone.

sticher

She has said after a recent s3x ed lesson that she is going to wait until she is ready altho some girls at school ar saying they have already done it and that somtimes she feels a bit left out ... peer pressure is a orrible thing

Are you sure she's not trying to tell you something? Only you really know your daughter.

duchy

Yes 14 is an experimental age but if she honestly believes the photo she sent that boy isn't going to get passed around his mates then she's deluding herself. Sorry but I used to work with kids that age and a "trophy" like that is going to be too much of a temptation for him at some point. Maybe not right now if he's hoping for a relationship with her but what happens if it doesn't work out or she decides she likes someone else.
My advice to her would be to get hold of his phone on a pretext and delete the photo quicksmart unless she doesn't mind the whole of her year seeing it at some point.

piratess

I know for a fact she hasnt gone further! ... she doesnt have a boyfriend, recently split up so i do know she hasnt gone further and im sure she would talk to me about this.
Im going to approach the photo thing after school im sure she just didnt think the same as this lad didnt think, they are both the same age so yes they are both potentially breaking the law! and im sure she didnt know this either! but she will come 3.30! ............

Sticher she is NOT on the verge of having s3x! .... i was merely trying to explain that by not following a certain few at school that she does have her head screwed on in the sence as not to follow! ... she isnt a follower, she likes to form her own thoughts and opinions and not those of others just to be popular! ....
I hope im putting my point across properly! am findin it hard to explain! ....

glossgal

sticher wrote: »

she is waiting until she is at least 16 as she knows its against the law

I have to say that this comment, coupled with the photos, and the fact that you say she has already done 'boobs' to me implies that she is on the point of having sex, regardless of what she says to you. If a couple are going so far as 'boobs' then it could easily lead to more in the heat of the moment. The fact that it is against the law doesn't always make a difference.

Slightly off topic, but I personally know of a family whose daughter started dating an 18 year old man when she was 13. Her parents insist it is innocent (been seening each other for over a year now) as that is what their daughter tells them. I personally can't believe an 18 year old (who was sexually active with previous girlfriends) would be interested in a platonic relationship with a 13/14 year old.

I have a 14 (almost 15) year old son and I would not be happy about him sending photos of himself undressed to anyone.

Totally agree, especiallly with the first comment in bold. I think its refreshing that OP has a close relationship with her daughter but teenagers will never tell their parents everything, they didn't 10+ years ago when I was one (those were the days lol) and I expect nothing much has changed. I knew girls who were very promiscuous whose parents thought they were virtually nuns. I also knew teens who would get parents 'on side' by confiding to a certain extent so mum/dad were lured into a false sense of security. She may be a smart girl but sending pictures of herself is a clear signal IMHO. Genuinely no offence intended OP but you seem like more of a friend here than a mother figure in terms of your reaction?...

piratess

What do you mean in terms of my reaction ? ..... please explain!

I want to try and walk a fine line in explaining the ins and out of sending photos! and not alienating her into not talking to me atall! ......... if she thinks im "having a go" then she wont be willing to come to be anymore will she ??!! ................

Im trying to do the best i can ive never been in this situation before! so im in the dark a little! ...
Her phone is now as somone else suggested! put on the top of the landing at 9.30 pm and it stays there until morning,

sorry im not a perfect parent!!!! But hey at least im bothered and im not just allowing her out to roam the streets! with the attitude of
"well as long as shes out of my way"

She is at home every night after school her friend live in the near by town so she cant just nip and see them! she goes swimming once a week to which i take her and pick her up and at the weekend she works at the local stables!

Dont judge me when all ive done is ask for thoughts! ....... I just thought it would be nice to talk it through with others who may be in the same or have experianced a similar situation!

Oh and just to add i know she's not a nun! she is no angel what teenager is !!!!!!!!! but i also believe her when she says she knows she can talk to me about things!

glossgal

OP, i was not questioning your parenting skills or trying to have a go at all, I was just making a comment based on the information to hand. Please don't post for advice if you are going to get defensive with comments you may not like.

All I meant was that you seem to be coming at this from the angle of a concerned friend ie isnt it a worry etc, there is little element of shock or even anger towards what has happened. You are obviously concerned or you wouldn't be on here in the first place, its just that these emotions don't particularly come across-other posters have expressed more anger and diaspproval than you have?

I think maybe you are trying too hard to be pally with your daughter by discussing who does what with who etc. IMHO (and thats all it is ) it's dangerous territory to lose the authority position between parent and child. You don't have to be liked all the time.