Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

sticher

Piratess I didn't mean to upset you - I don't know your daughter and can only go by what you say.

You said your daughter feels a bit left out and I can't equate that feeling with someone who wants to wait until she is at least 16 - surely she would feel proud of herself for that?

Edit - None of us are perfect parents and we are all learning as we go along - as you say, at least you are bothered. I personally know though that I would not be at all happy if my soon to be 15 year old boy was 'doing boobs' - maybe I am too strict?

Spendless

piratess- I didn't have sex until I was 18 and had been seeing the lad for 18 months but my first fumble:o is a different story, probably 15/16. With a september birthday I was one of the eldest in my class so I was still at school. Some of my friends had done more than me at this age some less.

I suppose the old day equivalent would have been to flash your boobs/bra in a photo kiosk and give him the picture. I never did this. After all you can totally deny a story, a picture is another matter.;)

However if I had done something like this and If my mum had found a picture like you have done. She would have showed it me with a "I want a word young lady" and whilst I would have been mortified, took my punishment etc, I can't say 100% I wouldn't have done it again. I'd have just made sure the evidence was kept from her in future.

Are you going to let her keep her phone or say it has to change to one that doesn't take photos?

*Louise*

piratess wrote: »

Hhmm i dont know the parents of the boy, But when my DD gets home im going to tell her about being in the public eye and how things from peoples teen years somtimes jump up and bite them in the bum ...

Last year's X Factor is a perfect example (if she watches it) of how you past can come back to haunt you - there was that girl who got taken off because a mobile phone video turned up of her happy slapping....

tanith

I have just read only some of this thread and it horrifys me too what kids get up to.. having got 2 grown daughters of my own and 3 grandaughters can I just say one thing... however trustworthy and believable your children are when it comes to the other sex trust me they WILL TELL FIBS... however much they say I won't/don't do this that or the 'other', :rotfl: they will ......
Its no laughing matter I know but trust me they will be doing far more than you imagine...:eek: I trusted my children implicitly and only now 20yrs on have some of the things they got up to come out in conversation.... while we have been discussing what my grandaughters might be getting up to...I am afraid its part of growing up and most kids turn out all right in the end.... I am just glad its now my daughters turn to WORRY!!!

piratess

Thanks for replying, I did post for opinions etc but i didnt post to be judged! ...
Catwoman My DD doesnt have a myspace account, or facebook she does have bebo and i have the password, She only uses the net once a week for checking her mails and it is in our main living area she doesnt have a comp in her bedroom and yes i agree with what other kids have on their accounts it is shocking! its also shocking that these other kids arnt policed by their parents over what content is in there!
Sticher i didnt say i was happy about the situation because im not! ... I will be having words after school regarding the photos.
She will be keeping her phone BUT it will be out on the landing at bedtime switched off! and i will be doing regular checks on it and not just when she leaves it lying around!
Tanith thankyou for your honest and realistic view of things! ... Our children are most certainly not angels and like you say most hide somthing from their parents we have all done it and we have all been teenagers!

I just wanted to say i was 17 before i went all the way and was manipulated from the age of 15 by a man 13 years older than me! My parents tried to warn me ground me etc but it didnt work! at 16 i ran away from home to be with him, my dad fetched me back but i went again! ... and i do regret my actions deeply i suppose deep down im trying to me on good terms with my DD as to her speaking with me so i know whats happening as my parents didnt have a clue! ...........
Hope this makes sence!

Amanda65

piratess wrote: »

I just wanted to say i was 17 before i went all the way and was manipulated from the age of 15 by a man 13 years older than me! My parents tried to warn me ground me etc but it didnt work! at 16 i ran away from home to be with him, my dad fetched me back but i went again! ... and i do regret my actions deeply i suppose deep down im trying to me on good terms with my DD as to her speaking with me so i know whats happening as my parents didnt have a clue! ...........

And herein probably lies yor dilemma! I understand completely that you want to keep an open relationship with your daughter and want to try and do it differently to your parents. I am a mother of 3, two of whom are girls (DD1 is 16 and DD2 14) and I know how hard it is. However that said I would be absolutely horrified if either girl, at 14, was 'doing boobs'.:eek: Perhaps I am very naive, or just lucky that I haven't had to face this yet. Neither girl has or had a boyfriend although both have lots of friends who are boys. I have always spoken openly and honestly with them and would hope that when the time comes they would let me know if they were ready to sleep with a boyfriend. My advice would depend greatly on their age and whether or not they were in a relationship with the boy or just casual friends.

If it were my daughter (and we're all different so it is just My opinion) I would sit her down and speak about her self respect of her body and how boys of 14 are so immature that any photo's of girls in bras is likely to be brandished around (I also have a 12 year old DS and know how 'silly' boys are).

Also I think as parents we have to remember that we can say 'No - that's not acceptable'. I wasn't a particularly rebellious teenager but a alot of what drew me back from potentially difficult situations wasn't peer pressure but not wanting to let my parents down:rolleyes: . I try very hard to give leeway but with boundaries and so far (I am crossing everything here) it seems to work. Your daughter must have known that the photos would be there for you to see if she left her phone around - maybe she's out of her depth and is a bit relieved that it's all out in the open? Sometimes we just want our parents to parent. Good luck though,. You can only do your best and muddle through - the same as the rest of us :rotfl:

Sola

I just ran this scenario past my husband who has a 13 year old daughter. He wasn't so concerned about the bra+jeans photo sent, but said that he would want to ask his daughter why this boy sent her the photo of himself, and would she want Dad's help in putting a stop to it.

Very different to when I was that age (if mobiles had been invented then) - my Dad would've gone straight round the boy's house and had it out with the boy's parents.

JoJoB

Just to put things in perspective - an acquaintance of mine has just found out her 14 year old has a new boyfriend and he is a 20 year old smackhead. She doesn't have much control over her 14 year old and frankly hasn't ever put much effort into being a parent other than just throwing money at whatever problem comes up. As a consequence her daughter drinks, does drugs and is now probably sexually active with the most inappropriate boyfriend possible.

So while the phone pics must have been a shock (and certainly indicate things that have to be nipped in the bud), things could be a lot worse! The lines of communication seem to be open between you and your daughter, which is half the battle. But teenagers are secretive - it's part of the demarcation between child and adult, separating themselves from their parents a little and having something of their own. It's only natural, and obviously with s3x being an issue in the teenage years this is an obvious thing to attach that need for separation to. I'm sure she is open much of the time, but sometimes you want to keep something back particularly where s3x is concerned - especially from parents!

haylibo

14 is not a little girl IMO It is under 16 and for many people is seen as being young and I wasn't being literal. Your response is interesting though as we do have a problem in this country with having very sexually advanced teens with high teen pregnancy rates. One of the factors is our own expectations of teen behaviour - I certainly wouldn't want my daughter at 13/14 to talk about getting to the 'boob stage' for instance. I expect her priorities and experiences to be different to that and so far it has worked well here. And no, she isn't cosseted and she has her head completely screwed on - she's very much her own person.

G-G_4

I think she is just growing up and working out her own limits etc.. I think that by the sounds of it you are a great mum and have handled this situation brilliantly!

Try not to worry too much, she is young.. the other boy is young, at least it's not an older guy or anything. If something happens between them then it isn't ideal at her age, but she wouldn't be the first and certainly not the last and I don't think that makes her a sl&g either.. x

I think you should have a chat about boys, what her limits are etc.. just to make things clear.. especially contraception. If you are worried maybe ask if she wants to start the pill? I don't know if that is a good suggestion or not, but it might be worth a thought..

xxx