Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

haylibo

My daughter is almost 18 and I'd be shocked to find her sending photos of herself half undressed to anyone. I would certainly be alarmed if there were naked photos on her phone. It's isn't simply to do with age or sex but to do with personal conduct and self respect.
14 is terribly young and this sounds like the behaviour of a very advanced little girl.

princess

Hi, I would be very concerned about this. My DS is 13 and we remove his phone at night - as you can imaging he does not appreciate it, but we do it nevertheless as he was exchanging messages etc late at night.
I think also both your daughter and the lad are on very dodgy ground legally should it come to it. Its illegal for her to hold photographs of the boy on her phone, whether or not he sent them to her...

'The Criminal Justice Act of 1988 Section 160 of this Act also made the simple possession of indecent photographs of children an offence.'
So if hes under 18 and aroused as you say she should get rid quick.
And its also an offence to expose a person under the age of 18 to 'pornography' which he has done by sending a minor these pics.

vixarooni

OH MY GOD. Is all im saying.

I would kill my daughter if that was her, at 14 sending photos like that of herself to any boy, she would have more self respect i would hope, then to rely on her body to get guys. My best friend in high school was quite sexually aware lets say, she got the title of slag very quickly.

Has your daughter never thought how quickly that picture will be shown to all the boys back at school?

I really think you need to have a word with your daughter. Its not right for her sending images like that to boys at 14. Im only 21, im not some concerned mother here, but i know what its like when people get labled slags at school and its not nice, and mud sticks. Tell her now to have more respect for herself, and get to know a boy and be dating him for awhile before he even goes anywhere near her boobs.

belfastgirl23

In some ways I'd be more worried about what he's sending her than what she has sent him. Her photo at least isn't too explicit but if he thinks it's okay to send that photo to her is that not a form of sexual harassment nearly? I'd be tempted to take that to either his parents or their school, although I know it's difficult when you want to protect your relationship with her. Would you be able to confront him directly with the photo?? If he's a decent-ish kid it would really put the wind up him, if he isn't then at least you'd know what you're up against.

I would also remind your DD that if she were to come to public attention any time in her life (even something as nice as winning the lottery! or marrying someone famous ) there's a fair chance that any photos like this could be dragged out. At least make it clear to her that she shouldn't allow a photo to be taken that she couldn't cope with seeing on the front of the Daily Mirror.

I have to say my gut instinct is being horrified by this, I don't think you're over reacting at all and I do think it's really important to nip it in the bud whatever way you think best.

**edit** I just realised that in sending the explicit photo of himself to your DD I think that the boy concerned is actually making assumptions about her being 'up for it'. I think in sending the photo back she has abused your trust as well...how you deal with it is up to you though...

piratess

Thankyou all for your replies! ...

But can i just say that my DD is not a sl8g! or a tart! ......... she has her head screwed on as regard to s3x and has always stated from the day she realised about things that she is going to wait until she is at least 16! .....

She has told me that this boy who sent the photo is bein weird and thinks for some reason she fancies him and she doesnt! ....... I didnt post on here for my DD to be slated! .. she is a teen i was posting because i thought others may have experianced similar and was asking for constructive advice not name calling! !!!!!!

We have a close relationship, she is quite street wise, she has a wonderful group of friends all of which have never gone past the kissing/boobs stage,

Thankyou for all your replies. I think deep down it was a sort of experimental thing, but i am going to point out the facts regarding her recieving photos from this other boy as i think they were disgusting, Im also going to point out that boys do lie to get their own way! and that she shouldnt send anything to one person that she wouldnt want anyone else to see! .............

belfastgirl23

At least it's a good way to bring up some stuff that you would probably have needed to talk to her about anyway - and hopefully it will make her stop and think. It's easy to get caught up in the moment, especially when you're a teenager (we've all been there )

PS I don't think anyone really was saying that your DD *is* any of those things, more that she would be labelled as it if the photo came out in the wrong way. Of course the boy would be just a bit of a lad

Shineyhappy

Hi,

Not that I am a parent but I just wanted to say that I dont think your daughter is a tart or anything like that, I do think she is perhaps young and experimenting like most teenagers probably do.

My mum and I are close and always have been and when I was being a hormonal, less than perfect, teenager she would find a way of mentioning stories from her past. I dont think she lied, and they usually werent particularly relevent to anything I was doing. She told me about a friend who didnt use contraception due to religious beliefs and ended up pregnant, she also told me about a friend who took acid or lsd and thought they were superman and jumped from a local multi story car park. She told me the reason she never tried that sort of drug was because she worried that she would think that snakes would crawl all over her and I should be careful as I may end up having a bad trip!

Yes colourful advice and I am sure a lot of parents may disagree with it, but I thought at least its a reason not to do something. The drug campaigners were saying "just say no" and I always thought why? Well I now had a good idea that if I took hallucinagenic drugs I could see my worst nightmare and I may get eaten alive by spiders, so at least I had my why.

Maybe there is a problem page article with this sort of problem on you could mention or be reading something about Heather Mills aka Mucca and say because of some photos taken long ago she will now always be remembered as Mucca. Dont tell her you went through her phone!!! I would never have trusted my mum again if I knew she had done that.

Good luck and I am sure things will turn out fine!

piratess

Shiney Happy .. thankyou! ...

me and my DD do chat about things and like your mum i do mention things from my past! ... ive told her about my best mate doing drugs and how paranoid she is and so not bothered with how she looks etc ..... Ive also told her about a friends daughter who got in with the wrong crowd ended up known to the police and now has no chance of going into the services! I do share things! ....

the thing is with parenthood noone gets a manual and i think the older they get the harder it gets because they think they can take on the world almost as if they are untouchable! ...... I think people are right when they say it gets worse as they get older! when they are little you know where they are what there doing who theyre talking to/playing with as they get older their independance grows although ........... Because we live in a village she doesnt go out once she is home as all her friend live in the local town so apart from swimming once a week and is always close by, But she has a weekend job at the local stables so that gives her some responsibilities! I just somtimes feel like a failure! and that im doing it wrong! ........ were not all perfect though are we?!?! .... (sorry i babbled a bit there)

Ive never told her this but i think deep down im scared of her making the same mistakes in life i did i.e having children when i was young and insecure, and never making a career for myself. I want her to do so much better! .... BUT i would never be without her or my other children.

Hope somone understand what im trying to say.

Spendless

haylibo wrote: »

14 is terribly young and this sounds like the behaviour of a very advanced little girl.

14 is not a little girl IMO.

piratess- I have no advice to give you- sorry. The only thing I would say is that you mentioning you've seen her phone, is that not likely to make her delete the pictures?

eira

I am so with you on those thoughts. Teenagers are so vulnerable and 'tough' it's heart breaking. I think it's perfectly valid to talk over your 'mistakes' with them-I think it personalises reality and makes you more human.
Camera phones are a menace- a lot of teenagers use them innocently unaware of the potential threat they represent.It's much the same as Facebook. I drag up every media story I can about what can happen. If you are real and honest and truthful and loving and supportive (and try to be brave!) you will be doing the very best you can. Despite their attitude teenagers really need their parents-as a teacher I too often find that parents turn down the support because they assume that adult sized progeny with attitudes don't need them any more. As a thought what about the boys' parents-any chance of contacting them ?