Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

piratess

My DD is 14 and she is a level headed girl knows what she wants etc isnt a airhead ...
she comes across as quite sensible! .. i.e wanting to wait until she is atleast 16 to go " all the way!" .. has had a couple of boyfriends but only done kissing and boobs! ....i believe her were quite open about talking about things like that! she has told me she tells me everything..... a couple of weeks ago she started talking about this boy called "fred" .... and that he was fit etc anyway she left her mobile downstairs so i had a quick look thro and there were piccies from him to her! semi nude! and a nude one! .... where he was ummm excited shall we say She had sent one back of her in jeans and bra ....

Today ive just had another peek and theres another lad whos been texting her same age asking for a photo of her bum and that he'd like to play with it! .... i didnt get chance to see if she had taken any photos of herself to send as she came down for her phone!

Some of these texts have been sent at 11pm at night, ive tried telling her that her phone goes off at 9pm but she says she needs it for alarm etc ! and to listen to music to send her off to sleep! ...

is there anything i need to do ? should i take her phone off her at a certain time? should i mention ive seen the texts? or is it all a normal part of growing up? ...
HHELLPPPPP

findingmyownway

Hmmm, thats a tough one. The last thing you want to for her to find out you have looked at her phone in secret because that will probably be the end of any chance you've got to get her to confide in you.

I would definatley ban phones at night. My stepDDs phone have to be on the landing turned off when they go to bed. Avoids problems with late night calls, text messages from friends who should be asleep etc. Maybe you could buy her a cheap MP3 player and alarm clock to avoid those excuses being used!

But thats not really solving the problem. Maybe a chat with her about general respect and how people can abuse her trust. How would she feel if this boy sent the picture message to other people / posted on facebook etc?

Paula_anne

I wouldn't personally take her phone away cos i think she just experimenting and enjoying the attention she is getting, i do think you should tell her you've looked through her phone cos she'll respect your honesty.
I would remind her that she is only 14 and some may take advantage of that. Although she'll be upset you looked at her phone, admit you were wrong.

Hope this helps

ka7e

Two things spring to mind. The first is, does she actually know these lads? Exchanging gradually more explicit photographs are one of the grooming techniques used by paedophiles etc. Secondly, she needs to know that these pictures are likely to be passed around and viewed by all the lad's mates and could even end up on the internet.

angela6834

OMG.....I was interested to read this thread as my daughter is 14 and has just started going out with a boy in her year. I am not a prude and think we have an open relationship but would be horrified if I found images such as that on her phone.....I know they are at such an age and will experiment but she needs to be so careful, especially where pictures are concerned.

Maybe she feels this is okay as she is not contemplating sleeping with them. I think you need to discuss the dangers of her sending these pics.

I can remember feeling so grown up at 14 but even though my daughter is mature and grown up she still seems so young. It would be an awful situation for them to be in school for another 2 years at least and for all of her school friends to have seen these pictures of her.....

I really didnt want to come accross as too shocked but I am......

Hope you can talk to her x

piratess

Hey thanks for the replies! I can say 100% that she knows these lads! as they go to her school and i have heard her mention them before one of them lives in our village, they are all the same age!

Ive just told her ive looked in her phone and she was a bit hacked off said i didnt trust her etc and so i pointed out that she told me when she got the phone i could go through it when i liked! she just said "oh yeah" .... she said that "fred" was acting odd asking her round to his house etc and that she didnt fancy him atall but actually fancied the other boy! ..... but isnt going to ask him out as she feels he should do the asking,
she admitted she used the phone late in the evenings because "she didnt like not texting back" (her words) ... so i guess its just her growing up!

Do you think im worrying over nothing is this a natural thing now that the teens do these days ? in my day it was notes over school desks and phone calls from the local phone box! lol

Thanks angela for your reply think i posted just as you did so adding some more! ... The pics are from this boy she fancies ,... and the only one she has sent back is her in jeans and bra! ..... still very scary! for me anyway I do think this is maybe just experimenting and she has always said she will not have s3x until she is at least 16! im hoping she will continue to feel this way! altho they are 14 and growing up they are still our babies! ... and i suppose we cant help the protective instict kick in!.......... Good luck with your DD to angela ! its nice to know there are others in the same position! ....

thanks for listening to me babble!

angela6834

piratess wrote: »

Hey thanks for the replies! I can say 100% that she knows these lads! as they go to her school and i have heard her mention them before one of them lives in our village, they are all the same age!

Ive just told her ive looked in her phone and she was a bit hacked off said i didnt trust her etc and so i pointed out that she told me when she got the phone i could go through it when i liked! she just said "oh yeah" .... she said that "fred" was acting odd asking her round to his house etc and that she didnt fancy him atall but actually fancied the other boy! ..... but isnt going to ask him out as she feels he should do the asking,
she admitted she used the phone late in the evenings because "she didnt like not texting back" (her words) ... so i guess its just her growing up!

Do you think im worrying over nothing is this a natural thing now that the teens do these days ? in my day it was notes over school desks and phone calls from the local phone box! lol

thanks for listening to me babble!

No I dont think you're worrying over nothing...fair enough if she doesnt fancy him and has her eye on someone else but now he has a photo on his phone of her in her jeans and bra!!!

I can just see him being vindictive and sending the photos to his mates...or worse...posting them on the internet x

angela6834

Thanks angela for your reply think i posted just as you did so adding some more! ... The pics are from this boy she fancies ,... and the only one she has sent back is her in jeans and bra! ..... still very scary! for me anyway I do think this is maybe just experimenting and she has always said she will not have s3x until she is at least 16! im hoping she will continue to feel this way! altho they are 14 and growing up they are still our babies! ... and i suppose we cant help the protective instict kick in!.......... Good luck with your DD to angela ! its nice to know there are others in the same position! ....

thanks for listening to me babble![/quote]

I always trusted he completely and she has done nothing to suggest otherwise but Im so worried about her....then again its probably me...they went to the pics with some friends yesterday and the boys sat together and so did the girls...at opposite sides of the cinema....she has only held his hand so far....lets hope it stays that way......

sorry if i mistook who she'd sent the photo too....these camera phones have alot to answer to!!!

Anniek1969

I've also got a 14yr old DD (15 next week) and although I don't look through her phone she knows that the rules are if I think she's doing something she shouldn't and abusing her phone (late night calls and texts) the I will take it off her. Like your DD she's a really great well adjusted girl and has had a boyfriend for the last 2 years (although they just broke up) I know they never done anything other than kiss as we're also quite open about this kind of thing.

What I would remind your daughter of is how dangerous it is to send photos even to people you know, look at that young actress from High School Musical that sent nude pictures to her boyfriend while they were apart and they ended up on the internet. When you send a photo to someone you never know where it's going to end up. Like most young teenagers they don't think of what might happen they just get caught up in the moment.

*Louise*

angela6834 wrote: »

sorry if i mistook who she'd sent the photo too....these camera phones have alot to answer to!!!

Camera phones are the worst invention where teenagers are concerned - I honestly wish that they had an 18+ age rating...:rolleyes:

You're right to worry about your daughter - luckily you seem to have a good relationship and she sounds like she has self respect, hopefully she will be more careful about sending pics.

I work with teenagers and pics are the least we have to worry about - I have caught 12/13 year olds with extrememely explicit pornography videos/pics etc and it shocks me to think what my own children will be exposed to in their teenage years.

keelykat

Id be worried about sending semi/naked photos, i agree you dont know where they may end up....who else will see them, will they end up on the internet etc? As an adult id be wary of swapping naked pics, but being that age (14) is even more dangerous i think.... there are boyso ut there who think its funny to pass around the photos and it only takes one to post a photo online and its out of control. anyone could get hold of them-the thought gives me the creeps.

I know teenagers are going to experiment and do things, but mobiles really are a parents worst nightmare ie photo and video clips. The clips of 'happy slapping' end up on you tube so what else?

She may regret showing these boys explicit photos, she may get a bad reputation ie a tart/slapper if people start talking. Id sit down and explain why this isnt a good idea. Besides sex before 16 is illegal, and it looks as if things are heading in that direction.

keely.