Not sure what to think ? My Teen DD?!

piratess

Thanks for all your replies! .... this certainly has had a mixed responce! I do feel that like all parents we find out own way and our own children are all "one offs" no others like them! ...

I sat my daughter down last night and we had a long chat about what boys could do with her photo she agreed that it was stupid! and that she should have known because its what she tells her friends! .. I told her it was totally unnaceptable for a boy to be sending her pics of himself and did she/he know there were laws surrounding underage photos etc ........... she didnt and did seem genuinly upset by this! .... The phone being on the landing at night time didnt go down to weel but this is how it is! .... she had a strop and that was that! ...........
Somehow before it all ended she was explaining to me that she felt bad about her body and didnt feel happy with it (not sure how we got onto that subject) she told me the photo she sent this boy wasnt taken for him but she took it of herself so she could see how she looked! and that at this point she isnt happy with her image and her belly. ..........

anyway the long and short of it is, That if this boy sends anymore then im going round to the parents because i bet they dont know what hes doing! ..... her phone is to be out on the landing at bedtime and she is NOT to send anyone photos of herself! ........... Oh and ive told her im doing phone checks whenever u fancy it! .... and she agreed! ...

thankyou for all your messages.

vwcampervan72

tanith wrote: »

I have just read only some of this thread and it horrifys me too what kids get up to.. having got 2 grown daughters of my own and 3 grandaughters can I just say one thing... however trustworthy and believable your children are when it comes to the other sex trust me they WILL TELL FIBS... however much they say I won't/don't do this that or the 'other', :rotfl: they will ......
Its no laughing matter I know but trust me they will be doing far more than you imagine...:eek: I trusted my children implicitly and only now 20yrs on have some of the things they got up to come out in conversation.... while we have been discussing what my grandaughters might be getting up to...I am afraid its part of growing up and most kids turn out all right in the end.... I am just glad its now my daughters turn to WORRY!!!

OMG are you my mom??

Good luck OP ive also got a 14 yr old DD, BF for the past 8 months and ive laid down the law with her from day one and im hopin that im right when i say shes not gone any further than "the boobs"

She did mention the sex thing a few weeks ago and i told her if i find out shes had it before the legal age i'd take the boy to court and have him sentenced.

I used to leave them together in her bedroom to watch dvd's etc, but now find an excuse to go in and do stuff in her room ie put ironing away etc

Mojisola

piratess - I think your daughter is a lucky girl to have such a brilliant Mum!

Badger_Lady

"Banning" is the worst thing you can do - it puts a rift between you and your teenager, and demonstrates that you don't trust them. At 14, particularly girls, they just want to prove themselves as independent young adults (even though they're not yet). Any barrier to this results in rebellion.

OP, it sounds like you've got a rare and special relationship with your daughter, and the best thing you can do is keep that going and keep talking to her. Don't tell her what to do, she's got a reasonably sensible head on her shoulders and as long as you demonstrate that you trust her to act maturely, there's every chance she will do so.

Remembering back to my teens, there was a lot of serious flirting, even when I was much younger than 14 (I remember my 10-yr-old boyfriend asking me for sex!)... but I was determined to wait and hold onto my virginity, like your daughter, and that's exactly what I did do. Without the benefit of a close relationship with my Mother.

It's a scary time for you, but just be there to support her without inflicting rules - she has to find her own path now .

Steel_2

vwcampervan72 wrote: »

She did mention the sex thing a few weeks ago and i told her if i find out shes had it before the legal age i'd take the boy to court and have him sentenced.

I used to leave them together in her bedroom to watch dvd's etc, but now find an excuse to go in and do stuff in her room ie put ironing away etc

Nice one. Try thinking back to what you felt like at that age and help her. Not batter her senseless with threats. Or invade her privacy and show her you clearly don't trust her. Or she's going to go to great lengths to keep her business from you and sneak off to public places to make out with BF or skive off school during free periods to his house.

How do I know? Because my father was like you and I used to do the same. He had no respect for my privacy and would burst into my room when friends or boyfriends were there and bustle around doing things that clearly were not important just to find out what was going on. He had no interest in my feelings or listening to my idea or thoughts and was intent on imposing his will on me, just the way you're doing with your daughter. He told me if any boy so much as looked at me before the age of 16 he's break their spines.

I spent most of my teenage years from the age of 14 lying to him so I could enjoy a life of my own. Don't be surprised if your daughter does the same. She a human being with thoughts, feelings and confusions like everyone else, but she feels emotions more keenly because of her age and because all of this is new to her. And unfortunately she has a mother she can't share it with because you'll over react and have her boyfriends dragged off to prison.

piratess

Steel i hope none of that was aimed at me! .... I have explained throughout my posts that i have a very close relationship with my daughter and we talk about a lot of things, And im being very careful not to break that as id love her to be able to confide in me! I couldnt ever talk to my parents about anything and i feel that if i had of been able to i wouldnt of ended up being in the mess i was at 15/16 .....

So i do treasure what we have between us! and altho i trust her i also know that teens keep things to themselves i was one once! lol

Sami_Bee

Piratess you brought a tear to my eye! you obviously love your daughter alot and you sound to me like your very close to being a perfect mum!
I just wonder does your daughter know the story of how you ran away when you were young? if she doesn't it may help her to understand your worries if she ever thinks your being over protective, she sounds like she is mature enough to understand how your experience would affect you and your method of parenting.
I wish I could talk to my mum like she does with you, I'm 22 (and 3/4!!) with a 13mth son and a partner who i've been with for 6+yrs and my mum still constantly tries to tell me what to do and calls me "a silly little girl"
You sound like your doing a great job so just go with your instinct and ensure that she has protection just in case at least then when she does go that far she won't be at risk

Spendless

Steel wrote: »

Or she's going to go to great lengths to keep her business from you and sneak off to public places to make out with BF or skive off school during free periods to his house.

How do I know? Because my father was like you and I used to do the same. was intent on imposing his will on me,
I spent most of my teenage years from the age of 14 lying to him so I could enjoy a life of my own.

:T I had a very similar experience and I too kept my mouth shut about what I was up to. I also see someone close 'babying' their own teenager and thought for years that rebellion would happen. Though I now have reason to think that they are doing what I did and are keeping quiet.

piratess- I think you have handled the situation exactly right.

sticher

She a human being with thoughts, feelings and confusions like everyone else, but she feels emotions more keenly because of her age and because all of this is new to her. - surely this is why any parent of a teenager should be concerned? There are way too many teenage pregnancies for parents just to let teenagers be left to their own devices/privacy.

And unfortunately she has a mother she can't share it with because you'll over react and have her boyfriends dragged off to prison. - It sounds to me that vwcampervan has a good relationship with her daughter if they talk about sex and stuff - I don't think there is anything wrong with stressing the negative aspects of getting into a sexual relationship too early.

Steel your father's threat of 'if any boy so much as looked at me before the age of 16 he's break their spines.' is not the same at all as vwcampervans threat - opposite sides of the law for a start.

Finally my parents trusted me - and I still sneaked off school to be with him in his flat! Teenagers, like everyone else, are all different and will react differently to different styles of parenting.

Edit to add: I made sure I didn't get pregnant though - that would have devastated my parents.

Spendless - how old it the teenager who is 'babyed' now out of interest?

Spendless

Now 17. Old enough to be working f-time and possibly living away from home but still not allowed to do x, y and z. Such as use public transport for anything more than a short trip, or go to a large shopping centre unaccompanied.