Shutting 11 year old in bathroom

RHYSDAD

Nenen wrote: »

...and who needs a member of society like you who is blind to the needs of children who should be protected by us all? Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!:rolleyes:

I have worked with too many children who have been the victims of horrendous abuse (in all its forms) who were ignored by people like you who absolved themselves from any responsibility by saying that other parents have a 'right' to deal with their child in 'whatever form it takes' not to feel anything but anger at your response. I am not suggesting that the situation described by the OP necessarily constitutes abuse (although I would be very interested to know the reaction of the SS) but IMHO the OP has done something very sensible by admitting she is concerned about a child and asking for advice (albeit from an internet forum). It is often the 'gut feeling' that something is wrong, by someone that knows the child, that is later proved correct and can, if acted upon, lead to the child (and often the family) getting the help and protection s/he so desperately needs. I would certainly urge the OP to look at the NSPCC website where she will find contact details of someone she can ring and speak to about this.

Given the statistics that 10% of boys and almost 20% of girls have been sexually abused and that 72% of all people in prison have been abused as children, IMHO it is a great shame that more people don't get involved and report children who they think might be at risk in some way (link to stats from House of Lords): http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/ld200607/ldhansrd/text/70327-0001.htm

Until 'society' (and that means all of us) realise that children are our future, irrespective of whether they are in our own family or someone else's, and that we all have a responsibility to care for and protect them, then the neglect, cruelty and abuse will continue which in turn leads to consequences including crime that we all eventually pay for in one way or another. By all means bury your head in the sand and say that anyone trying to ensure a child is safe is a 'do-gooder' or 'hand-wringer' who should mind their own business but don't be surprised when the consequences of your washing your hands of any responsibility to a defenceless child come back to bite you!

The OP said that the parents are great in every other respect so that would almost certainly rule out abuse and/or neglect and if you actually read what i had typed, that PROPERLY administered discipline is the way forward.
I'm not advocating beating, abuse or neglect am i? It's exactly people like you i was referring to.:mad:

poet123

The point is you refer to properly administered discipline but locking a child in a room is not properly administered discipline. In my book it certainly does constitute abuse,mental abuse, and as I have outlinedin an earlier post, can lead to serious mental health issues in later life.

I am no hand wringing do gooder either,in fact I am probably the opposite, but there are ways of imposing discipline which do not include this type of behaviour.

The OP did say they are good parents but actually how can she be sure? lots of seemingly good families hide abuse behind closed doors. It is only when it is too late people put the pieces of the jigsaw together and say "oh well I knew about xxxxx but ".

it is not alright for society to say parents have the right to discipline as they see fit,there have to be some guidelines. In my opinion if you have a nagging doubt which will not go away, with regard to the welfare of a child you need to report it,anonymously if necessary.

It seems you, and many others, really dont care enough to consider the effects of innapropriate forms discipline in later life,and that really concerns me.

I have 2 grown up kids and younger ones and they have all received appropriate discipline from being young and I have never had any problems with any of them,I have alwayd been able to take them anywhere and know they will behave. Although as they are all boys maybe I had it easy!!!!

Nenen

I couldn't agree more with you Poet123 ....
"The OP did say they are good parents but actually how can she be sure? lots of seemingly good families hide abuse behind closed doors. It is only when it is too late people put the pieces of the jigsaw together and say "oh well I knew about xxxxx but..."

Child protection training is all about every person who has even a niggling concern ensuring that this is properly recorded and passed on appropriately as a piece in the jigsaw. That information might be the first piece or the last that enables a picture to be clearly seen. If the OP's concern is the only piece ever recorded then it is unlikely any action will be taken and her belief that the parents are usually great in every other respect could well be right. However, it could be that several other people have other concerns she doesn't know about and that when taken together it is clear the parents are neglecting or abusing their daughter. I would never want to be the person who stood back and did nothing only to regret it bitterly later when something dreadful happened!

RHYSDAD wrote: »

The OP said that the parents are great in every other respect so that would almost certainly rule out abuse and/or neglect and if you actually read what i had typed, that PROPERLY administered discipline is the way forward.
I'm not advocating beating, abuse or neglect am i? It's exactly people like you i was referring to.

Your idea of "PROPERLY administered discipline" is certainly not one I share as for you this includes locking a child in a bathroom as is clearly shown in your earlier post where you stated,

RHYSDAD wrote: »

I think it's okay to lock her in too, otherwise it may simply be a case of her just walking out the door and away."

You went on to say....

RHYSDAD wrote: »

Kid's KNOW their rights these days as do-gooding adults are so willing to tell them. :mad:

Thank God they do as there is an increasing chance that children who are suffering might realise three vital things: 1) being abused is not 'normal' in every family; 2) It is not their fault; 3) there are people who want to help them. If you read the NSPCC website you can see that, "In ChildLine’s first year (1986-1987) nearly a third of children who called about sexual abuse had suffered silently for more than five years. Today, half the children who call ChildLine about sexual abuse do so within a month of the abuse starting."

Decent adults who teach children about their rights do so in the knowledge that these rights are incredibly important for all human beings. They should also be teaching children about how their rights link to their responsibilities and this should mean that children grow up understanding that these two things are inextricably linked. Thus children who are experiencing reasonable discipline and care wouldn't try to invoke their 'rights' as a way of escaping their responsibilities and the consequences of their actions.

Children do need secure boundaries but these can be provided without resorting to locking them in rooms etc. I have three children (now 22, 20 and almost 18) who have all grown up to be incredibly well behaved, considerate, responsible adults who are a credit to society, without me ever needing to resort to locking them in a room (or worse) and this, along with my experience of working with children who have had a very different experience of family life, makes me feel I have something worth contributing to society and all our children. If you see that as 'do-gooding' then I feel sorry for you.

RHYSDAD wrote: »

Properly administered discipline and chastisement, whichever form it takes, is the fabric that underpins society and would explain the current 5hitty sate of affairs this country finds itself in.

I agree that children (and adults) need to know what society agrees is acceptable behaviour and the consequences of not adhering to these agreed boundaries. It is your definition of 'properly administered discipline' and 'whatever form it takes' I have a problem with!

setmefree2

How could anyone lock someone they love in a room?:rolleyes:

poet123

I am a school Governor with special responsibility for Child Protection,and believe me it has opened my eyes to what some parents consider acceptable. From outward apearances you would never guess what goes on in some homes.

Poppy9

setmefree2 wrote: »

How could anyone lock someone they love in a room?:rolleyes:

I could lock Bradd Pitt in my bedroom;)

Poppy9

Nenen wrote: »

IDecent adults who teach children about their rights do so in the knowledge that these rights are incredibly important for all human beings.

When DD was in primary school one parent (mother A) who worked for Childline came into the school to tell the children all about it's work and bullying, abuse help etc. Unfortunately the children of mother A parent were among the worst behaved in the school and when mother B rang her to say that Mother A's child was bullying Mother B's child she wouldn't believe it.

melancholly

i guess i feel the accusations of abuse are a little premature.......... without knowing how often this happens, how it is implemented (i.e. clear verbal warnings), how the parents deal with the child afterwards (i.e. explaining why and discussing whatever led up to it), it's all conjecture! we don't know if it's going to escalate to locking under the stairs, or whether it's happened 5 times in 11 years and is a final threat that makes the child behave,

and incidentally, thinking about it, i have locked up every animal i have looked after - from a guinea pig in a cage, to a dog in the kitchen overnight. i don't feel i have abused the animails - quite the contrary. i kept them safe and allowed my burglar alarm to go on without them running around and setting it off!!

i'm beginning to feel like rational points are being lost and pitch forks are coming out!!

poet123

Sorry, but as far as I am concerned there are no circumstances that would make this acceptable. This kind of action is abuse,however unpalatable that may be to some people. If you follow the line of reasoning above, any form of discipline would be acceptable provided it occured infrequently and was discussed after the event.

I dont agree that saying that something is categorically wrong equates to pitchforks coming out.

melancholly

i guess i feel that the comments on here would make me an abuser of animals and my parents child abusers. i know those things aren't true - and that reasoned debate with a child throwing a tantrum doesn't usually work. something has to done and although, as i've said before, i'm incomfortable with locking a child in a bathroom, you need a punishment that works and critically, one that calms the situation down as quickly as possible.

i wouldn't ever dare to presume to judge the situation to the degree done by others based on a post giving so few details about someone else's child.