Shutting 11 year old in bathroom

poet123

I infer from your post that you were locked in by your parents as a child,if that is so then it is understandable that you shy from calling it abuse,however lots of actions which were considered acceptable in previous years are not considered so now. Times change.

Also, the judgement of others is what makes society behave properly,the incidence of child abuse seems to suggest that we as a society do not rush to to judgement quickly enough in very many cases to save children from abuse. The judgement is not of the parents per se but of the action they take to control a tantrum,whether that is indicative of other things they do is speculative,but does bear scrutiny.

sunnyflower

This thread is interesting, it could run and run, and some posters could still not reach an agreement!

There are downright cruel, callous parents, or those that are just disinterested.
On the other end of the scale are trendy psycho-babblers who think any form of punishment is an infringement of a child rights; no matter how much of a brat it is!

I suspect most of us fall in the middle. We love our children unconditionally, but sometimes struggle with their behaviour.
No-one gets any training to become a parent (unless you are from a dysfunctional family)! Every family unit is totally unique. Every situation within that family is unique, the dynamics between each person varies constantly.

We've got 3 children, over the past 16 years I've screamed, wallopped (too hard sometimes), shouted, slammed objects so hard they've broken, and generally been the epitomy of a terrible mother!
But (on better days) I've explained, reasoned, re-inforced, and always let them know WHY we've insisted on certain behaviour and standards.
Fortunately my husband is usually very calm, and it take an awful lot for him to get cross.

Most importantly, although I've always worked (through necessity), our family life has always come first. and the children KNOW that. They also know that WE are human too and can only take so much!
Also, they know that they can't play off one parent against the other EVER!
And when other people tell me how polite, considerate and sensible my children are I know we've done somthing right!

poet123

I have used various forms of discipline with my kids over the years,but the most effective is to either ask them to go to their room (or insist depending on the state the argument is at!!)and calm down, or leave the room myself till I have calmed down. This takes the heat out of the situation and prevents either side from escalating the conflict. I used the naughty chair (in the same room)when my children were much younger. There are loads of ways to dicipline kids which do not inflict physical or mental abuse on them,but they are harder to put into action and the lazy/tired/inneffectual parent takes the easy option.

We have all shouted at our kids and whilst that is not right either, it is usually over quickly, and is useful is showing them that we all have breaking points,but in my opinion it leaves no lasting damage (provided they are not being constantly screamed at )as can other more extreme forms of discipline.

I just do not like the idea of a child being locked up, and the feeling of helplessness that must give rise to in the child, is not a healthy way to discipline kids.

princesslizzie

Used to babysit/mother's help for a family. They used to lock their kids in bed at night. Mother and father would sleep upstairs and the toddler in her crib (wasn't locked in), two younger boys slept downstairs in seperate rooms and were locked in at night. The eldest was locked in with his own ensuite. The family were quite wealthy and had swimming pool, sauna, gym, expensive techy stuff around the house so they justified locking them in for their own good - the kids would run amock around the house at night if they weren't locked in. I still to this day believe it is wrong, imagine what would happen in a fire?!

poet123

I think that is terrible. I would hope that had a fire broken out and the children been hurt the parents would have been prosecuted.

If I had been you I would have reported them(anonymously if necessary),but I suspect you were probably young and inexperienced and unsure if this was the norm? so I can see why you would not have taken that action.

princesslizzie

poet123 wrote: »

I think that is terrible. I would hope that had a fire broken out and the children been hurt the parents would have been prosecuted.

If I had been you I would have reported them(anonymously if necessary),but I suspect you were probably young and inexperienced and unsure if this was the norm? so I can see why you would not have taken that action.

Yeah I was only 15 so I didn't really know it was cruel. But I see why they had to do it, but I did not agree with it.

li'l_p

Ticklemouse wrote: »

I lock my 8 yo in his bedroom because when he throws a complete paddy, there is nothing youcan do with him. I won't have him disrupting the rest of the household and he won't stay put and as his room has a proper key lock on it - in he goes. He usually screams and stomps and bangs the door for a while, but he's beginning to learn that his "time out" doesn't start until he calms down.

If he trashes his room - it's his own look out. He doesn't share with anyone else so it's not as if he's destroying his brother's stuff. If he needs the loo he is escorted to the bathroom then back to his own room and locked in again.

He has had an amazing temper since he was a toddler. Yes, it does worry me at times and I wonder if he will need anger management inthe future, but for now, at least I know where he is and he isn't getting hit etc. Also, whilst he was locked in his room only the other day, it was the first time in a long time.

Anyone want to report me to social services??

I used to have an "amazing temper", I used to get on all fours and bang my head against the floor! However, I used to get 'timed out' in my bedroom and used to "carry on and create" as my Mum referred to it, but as a healthy 28 year old, I can say it never did me any harm . I still have an amazing temper, but tend to get in strop and sulk for hours on end now, which seems to have far greater effect on my OH!

johng_uk

The only thing I disagree with is the 'locking in' process. I have an 8yr old daughter and an 8mnth old daughter. Our 8 yr old is hard work but a pleaseure at other times. She knows when she's done wrong but we have to discipline her regularly!!

The harshest she gets is the 'naughty step' and this seems to suffice. If she throws a temper tantrum she goes to her room until she calms down and then we explain what she's done wron. During this time she's not allowed to play playstation's, watch tv etc.

The toilet seems a strange environment to lock anyone in imo. And locking someone in only serves to inflame the situation even more.

I wouldn't go as far as reporting them as their kid might be particularly troublesome, but I would keep a distant eye/ear on the situation and not just forget about it. Don't get in too deep if not required though as it would then get messy.

Hope this helps

John

baileysbattlebus

Our children are grown up, but we used various methods to discipline them, one of the most effective in our house when they were young was to make them sit on the stairs. No toys, no stimulation, just the hall wall to look at and they hated it. Sending them to their rooms was no punishment.
I've smacked each one of them on occasion, lost my temper with them (there are 2.5 years between the 3 and it was hard work). and I don't have much of a temper so when I lost it, it really pulled them up. If I lose it now and they are in their 20's they all still get upset and because it is such a rare occurance, they know that I'm really, really, upset and angry.
But as youngsters the stairs were pretty good. I've never locked them in any where and never, one of our girls locked herself in the bathroom when she was about 6 and was absolutely beside herself - but we had one of those little key things that fit in the door handle from the outside so it didn't last long.
Locking them in seems a bit harsh, but perhaps they have their reasons.

marybishop

I can remember shutting myself in the bathroom when my twin girls were creating, usually when I was trying to have a sensible conversation on the phone! 14 years on they now shut themselves in their rooms if they feel the need!!! (BTW they're both lovely - most of the time!!!)