Shutting 11 year old in bathroom

jamjar,

Some acquaintances of ours discipline their daughter if she has been rude/naughty by locking her in their bathroom for 30 mins. I don't feel happy about this, but don't know if there is anything I can do about it.

cobbingstones

Blimey that seems rather extreme! How often does this happen I wonder?

If you feel you would like to talk to a professional about this, then contact your local Children and Families Team and ask to speak to the duty officer. You do not have to give any details if you don't wish too.

How is the young person generally?

Good luck

MM

jamjar,

She seems absolutely fine in herself, and I don't think it happens all that often to be honest.

fiscalfreckles

I don't see the problem - I'm sure they only do it when they feel they can't do anything else with her & surely it's better than hitting her. And at least she has "facilities" available.

How old is she?

I don't think it's any worse than telling a child to stay in their bedroom if they have misbehaved, unfortunately, when they get to their teens, you cannot physically make them and will probably get thumped yourself if you try!

zebidee1

I dont think this sounds overly drastic tbh.

Sending a kid to their room is usually no punishment these days, (tv/dvd/games etc), at least a bathroom is boring and might help focus her mind.

30 minutes isn't really a long time for an 11 year old either although any longer and I'd question the wisdom.

It might not be the usual method of chastisement, but I dont necessarily think it's cruel or worthy of 'report'.

Oldernotwiser

Kids' bedrooms are so full of entertainment these days that being sent to your room is hardly a punishment. This seems a fair alternative (as long as they have another loo to use!)

Carmina_Piranha_3

i don't see a problem with it - is it any different to sending a child to their room or to a naughty step? 30 minutes seems a long time though, it shouldn't take that long for things to calm down. i think naughty step type stuff is supposed to last one minute for each year of their life so 11 minutes in the bathroom ought to be enough.

my 11 year old has been sent to his room a few times recently and he doesn't actually think about why he's there and why he should apologise - he gets out a book and forgets that he's being punished :rolleyes:

some kids trash their room or have TV/games/phone etc. in there and if a room is shared then it's not fair for the child who is not being punished to have to leave.

some time out where everyone can calm down can be a good thing. it's not cruel to send your child for time out but again, i think 30 minutes is too long.

zebidee1

I think it might depend on the child?

My son for instance needs to go through a calming process......he spends the first 10 minutes being angry, the next 10 calming down and the next 10 thinking about the issue. If we interacted with him before he was in 'reasonable mode' it would just be counter productive. He's been like this all his life so it applied at any age.

My daughter goes straight to 'wah, wah, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again'. So 30 seconds is enough for her, lol.

jamjar,

Thank you for your replies. I think I was focusing more on the fact that she was locked in (by key) that didn't seem right, but obviously being sent to their bedroom isn't much of a punishment when all their toys/games are there.

Ticklemouse

I lock my 8 yo in his bedroom because when he throws a complete paddy, there is nothing youcan do with him. I won't have him disrupting the rest of the household and he won't stay put and as his room has a proper key lock on it - in he goes. He usually screams and stomps and bangs the door for a while, but he's beginning to learn that his "time out" doesn't start until he calms down.

If he trashes his room - it's his own look out. He doesn't share with anyone else so it's not as if he's destroying his brother's stuff. If he needs the loo he is escorted to the bathroom then back to his own room and locked in again.

He has had an amazing temper since he was a toddler. Yes, it does worry me at times and I wonder if he will need anger management inthe future, but for now, at least I know where he is and he isn't getting hit etc. Also, whilst he was locked in his room only the other day, it was the first time in a long time.

Anyone want to report me to social services??

sunnyflower

I can't see a problem with putting a child in the bathroom; 40 years ago it would have been a dark cellar with the rats!!

Only one of my 3 kids didn't like being sent to his room; the other 2 didn't give 2 hoots!

Now they are teenagers,it's hard to get them OUT of their rooms. Punishements now are; no MSN and grounding. If I'm REALLY hacked off, their phones get confiscated!!