Shutting 11 year old in bathroom

prestonlass

leoetal19 wrote: »

its morally wrong and teaches the child nothing at all. the worry is its the thin end of a wedge ie that doesnt have the desired effect-what next??

What would you suggest then to teach guidlines & discipline to a child who doesn't possess expensive toys and mobile phones etc, I seriously would like to know.

You can see the effects and results of parents not bothering or taking the time to give a child any sort of discipline down at our local magistrates court most days.

leoetal19

i have 3 kids-now 22/19/15 and was lft 2 bring them up alone when they were 4months/3/7 so wasntt judging without knowledge and mine didnt have expensive gadgets. they had time love attention.
my eldest 2 are fantastic adults x no courts x no trouble 23 gcses/8 a levels between them. youngest is getting there-no trouble jst feeling his way. no angels, disciplined where needed every time.
try talking, disapproval, removing whats valuable to them (not in financial terms) ie friends round/grounding/footie practice/spend the list could be endless but shoulnot include 'deprivation of liberty' under ECtHR.
as part of my work i train abuse awareness and work with victims of abuse. i am so into its the parents job to help educte children. education and punishment arent the same thing. does this seriously help?

poet123

Tbh honest I think it is abuse,and could lead to mental health issues in later life. How do I know this? my mother was locked in a room when she misbehaved from a young age, and it stayed with her her entire life. She was acutely claustrophobic,could not go in a lift,plane,or sit in a locked car,all because of her experiences as a young child. It was as bad, or worse as physical abuse...certainly for her.

prestonlass

Ah now I get it. I was struggling to see how on earth sending a child to their room for half an hour would cause people such a problem. In the case the OP stated, I had no problem with the fact that it was the bathroom thinking it was just an alternative to an attractive bedroom with TV, computer etc. As the girl in question was 11 years old and a fixed time is known to be the punishment, I felt it to be far removed from a frighted, young child, with little understanding of their misbehaviour enduring a indefinate punishment. It's good to be on here as the opinions/experiences of others do expand my knowledge. (one thing I can't stand, ignorant, opinionated people who never comprehend the points of others!)
The reason I was curious to know your alternative forms of discipline leoetal19 is because my eldest son is as good as gold and to be honest the issue of punishment has never arisen yet. However I have a young daughter and just know I'm not going to be so lucky this time around - she takes the word NO as a challenge and I can't help but worry how I will keep her on the rails, so to speak, in the future.

leoetal19

its the lowest form of wit and inappropriate on a thread that has such emotive undertones and i would never lower myself, poets thread alone spoke a million words the rest of us opinionated souls didnt need to x good luck with your daughter x they can be little madams x
i also find all attempts at humour in this context uncomfortable 2 say the least

prestonlass

prestonlass wrote: »

Ah now I get it.

It's good to be on here as the opinions/experiences of others do expand my knowledge.

not too familiar with how to work these quotes

- that can be the problem with the written word for me as opposed to conversation.
I had made NO attempt at sarcasm or humour -I was attempting to explain how my initial opinion had altered having read subsequent posts

leoetal19

i apologise if i misunderstood x the humour referred to the earlier post about the time in the bathroom. but sincere good wishes with your daughter as i said mine were far from angels and my daughter took me over the roller coaster more than once x

billysmum

Hi. i have 4 sons . who are told to go to the downstairs toilet to cool down for 1 minute per year, the door is not locked and sending them to their rooms is not an option as they all share with someone.

leoetal19

billysmum-that seems fair enough to me-the door being locked for 30 mins was the issue-well 2 b honest for me the door being locked fullstop. if they arent locked in thats differnt you are giving them time out-its different in everyway. 4 boys?? oh the mud!!! LOL x

melancholly

i guess all parents needs need a 'final' punishment. with me, it was a smack (when i was young, not as a teenager). it didn't happen more than 3/4 times ever, and every time i had a warning that if i continued, i would be punished. it taught me not to question my parents authority too much and that they wouldn't bluff!! made me a much better behaved teenager too! a lot of people don't agree with smacking, understandably, but with some children a stern tone of voice is simply not enough.

if the child in this thread is being locked in a bathroom 3 times a week and being screamed at, it's one thing. if it is a last resort that happens very very rarely and only comes after a warning, i think it's better than hitting a child. it's really hard to suggest 'abuse' after such little information (and it doesn't sound too bad to me). different children respond to different punishments - if only there was a parenting manual where one there was one solution to fit them all. punishments are not meant to be nice and, although i understand concerns over locking the door, i don't think see this as a 'problem', even if it wouldn't be my first choice (and i can only assume that the parents tried other things first!)