Very traditional asian inlaws getting on my XXXXX

James240

i agree with Aunty on this Tammy dont give them a been just sounds like there trying for the easy life if u ask me nice long holiday abroad and dont have to worry about spending a bean...................that would seriously pee me off :mad: :mad: :mad: like it has done with u.

Stand your ground girl!!!

James

Amie_007

What does your husband think to this? Is he unhappy about what they are demanding?

Is he willing to continue to contribute towards his parents household and is he willing to pay them £50.00 per month when they are living in Pakistan?

tammy_3

margaretclare wrote:

If they'd be happier living in Pakistan then why don't they go. If they really want the way of life there rather than here, I'd wave them off at the airport! Recent terrible events are showing us that we don't need people who think our way of life is wrong, that there are other countries which are better to live in. To anyone who thinks that I'd say - fine, just go, don't delay, let's see the back of you! Tammy, I am not being racist. Just down-to-earth and practical. There's a saying that 'the grass is always greener in the next field' and some people are always thinking that life would be better somewhere else. Well, if they think like that what's stopping them?

Aunty Margaret

Sorry to hear about your daughter........
They (inlaws) arent racist or prejudiced against the British way of life-Just liek alot of British people retire to spain they want to retire back to their homeland. I understand it from their point of view to settle there because all their family is there- that was originally where they were born and bred-that is where all their family history is, they own land there that was passed down from generation to generation, this isnt a discussion about them hating british culture, its a discussion about them being lazy/scroungers and anyone who watches eastenders will see theres a likeness with them and the Millers! I dont wish to make this discussion into something about race because its not about race its about them being annoying!!!!!!

kingshir

elvis_bloggs wrote:

I don't believe in marrying into a family with a strong culture, I'm not racist but it causes so many difficulties and could have far reaching consequences.

I totally agree with Elvis! The stories I have heard :eek:

Spendless

tammy wrote:

Im not entirely sure what you're asking spendless...ar eyou asking that in years to come i won't rely on my kids? Then the answer is well start as you mean to go on. I certainly will help pay or foot some of the bills for their uni and wedding costs, we certainly intend on working most of our lives and yes i would like to think that when we are in our 70s they keep an eye on us and help us a little if we need it........but this lot have needed help since their 40s which is actually very different- they are able bodied people who can work but chose not to, go on lng holidays and throw good money away on their lazy younger sons, so why should we have to foot the bill for the entire families laziness- I have some medical problems, nothing major but would never use that as an excuse not to work and i suppose where as his mum does the womanly bit of cooking and cleaning so u can excuse her from working (although my mum cooks, cleans and goes out to work!) what on earth was his dad put here for? if we all decided to retire at 40 then who would pay our bills in 15 years, who would support our kids. Life doesnt work like this and i wish they stopped playing victim that they havent got much ands topped scrounging off people who work adn the taxpayer and used those hands of theirs to do some work....if they dont want to fair enough but whats getting to me is their grumbling or hinting at us

No that wasn't what I meant. I was in middle of something and did a rushed reply. I have previously posted that I would not give them the £50 mentioned as I beleive it would lead to them asking for more.

I meant that your in-laws and your dad (from a prev post you've made saying he helped grandad out) see that the kids help the older generation out financially. Have you pointed out that you don't see your kids (when you have them)going on to do this for yourselves (and any siblings) if you/they are fit and healthy are perfectly able to go out and work themselves.ie you don't expect the next generation to be supporting you and OH, you expect to do this for yourselves.

Amie_007

I'm sorry, but the "lazy scroungers" as you term it should be made to go and get a job. Maybe you could fill in some job application forms in their names and send them into employers - might give them a kick up the bum to find work and earn a wage and stop asking you for cash.

Not only does it appear that they are demanding that you and your husband top up their income, by asking for money left, right and centre, but they also seem to be sponging off the rest of us, who as tax payers, work hard and pay an awful lot of tax, for people like your in laws, who choose to sit athome, not work and dream of returning to Pakistan to see out their old days!

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but thats exactly what they are doing, if they don't want to work and earn their money.

tammy_3

Amie_007 wrote:

What does your husband think to this? Is he unhappy about what they are demanding?

Is he willing to continue to contribute towards his parents household and is he willing to pay them £50.00 per month when they are living in Pakistan?

Well he says no because hes woken up to the cost of living......the fact that two graduates with 4 degrees between them are struggling to buy a decent place is an eye opener.....things will get tougher when kids come along- and waht his family dont understand is that i dont want to live in a working class area where drugs and foul mouthed kids are rife on the streets, i want a nice place with nice things- i dont wnat to share the pot, our kids will need their hobbies and we will still need our romantic getaways...so really no we cant afford £50 a month to give them for the rest of their lives! They want to hire servants over there (like they did last summer) to do their housework and cooking n cleaning- SO i suppose on £100 a month they could afford that btu why shoudl i pay for their luxury lifestyle (even though money stretches a long way) when i work my backside off, so does my partner so do my parents! Like i said one thing i disagree with in western culture is turning your back on your parents when they are old, but this two are not yet old and im sick of their moaning and their needs and wants

kingshir

Hi Tammy, I hope your husband is solid with you on this - if not then it is going to be soo hard. If he is then stick to your guns, not a penny piece and not a moment of your time! Cut back on visits,visit when it suite you, don't let them visit you, don't ring and let an answer phone take their calls and ring back only if it suits you to do so, in other words you and hubby become the masters in this relationship. There will be a lot of resistance but it will be worth it. You and hubby are 'a family unit' now and that 'family' should come before all else. That's not to say others can't be included but only on your terms. I've had a similar experience and 31 years later hubby, kids and I are a tight family unit that is extended to include various family members, friends and new family members. Our family toast is 'Here's to us and them that likes us' You sound a lovely, sensible girl, your hubby is lucky to have someone with your sense and strength - good luck!

Amie_007

It sounds as though you know what to do, you just need the strength and support of your husband to put your foot down.

You are quite right, why should you pay for them to live in luxury when you and your husband WANT to work to have a better quality of life together.

I personally would find out what the other family members think to this, there might be "strength" in numbers, particulary if your husband finds it hard to say No.

tammy_3

Amie_007 wrote:

It sounds as though you know what to do, you just need the strength and support of your husband to put your foot down.

You are quite right, why should you pay for them to live in luxury when you and your husband WANT to work to have a better quality of life together.

I personally would find out what the other family members think to this, there might be "strength" in numbers, particulary if your husband finds it hard to say No.

The problem is ........most of them are like that....i dont understand how he is related to them- his brothers follow the lead from their dad which is why they are all so lazy and cos my hubby was always the sensible one which is why they thought they could rely on him forever......until i came along of course aaaaaaah did i put a spanner in their works :beer: (not that i drink but cokes good!) i already just visit once a week for an hour, they never come around here, probably cos its not an arranged marriage but i like it like that but it pisses me off when i do go around all they talk about is money and helping them......arent parents suppsoed to help their kids? i certainly would put a little by for big events in my kids lives and not expect them to tackle trying to get a house whilst paying for my !!!!!! to sit in the MALDIVES (my dream retirement place!)