Wedding Cost nightmare

Mrs7ones

Thank you everyone again.

Just a little update.
After a conversation with BiL, it is now clear that we only need pay for DS2's suit hire and shoes, and DD's dress, shoes and hair-do on the day.
Slightly less than expected, but still........

DH asked why we were paying, and it seems that because the reception and honeymoon are so very expensive, their budget won't stretch to pay for everything.
my answer to that..... FIND SOMEWHERE CHEAPER!!!!!
Anyway, that's about it now - looks like DH is resigned to paying (much against my complaining and better judgement) - Charity shop for my outfit I think!

Timmne

I still think you're being hard done to - dig your heels in on this one!

As someone who's getting married this year, I'm fully aware of how expensive a nice wedding is - I'm also fully aware that if we didn't have the money, we could do it for £100!

It's pure selfishness on your BIL's part and he needs to realise he has to pay for what he wants, not demand his happy day from everyone else!

Mrs7ones

My sis got wed last year, and paid for the lot - including accommodation for the close family....(they didn't have a honeymoon btw). I suppose this is partly why I feel so strongly now about having to chip in for this one.
But it seems that the decision is made - I now have to find the money:o:o

Timmne

Just make sure everybody knows at the reception who paid for what.... there's nothing against you 'accidentally' slipping it into EVERY conversation that the happy couple actually didn't pay for everything!

amandada

I'd not mind paying for shoes/ bag and stuff if I or my dd was a bridesmaid, as there's always the potential to be able to use them again, but I think being asked to buy a dress, which won't be of your own choosing is very rude on the part of the bride and groom.
As you say, if they can't afford everything they want, they should be changing what they want!.

(I had a similar issue when a family member asked for cash towards their honeymoon instead of a gift. For a kickoff I'd already bought a fgift (very MS of me!) and she and her now dh are both in very well paid jobs and I'm not!!! I've been married over 11 years and still not had a honeymoon, so I'm not paying for someone else's!!!)

Strapped

Mrs7ones wrote: »

Thank you everyone again.

Just a little update.
After a conversation with BiL, it is now clear that we only need pay for DS2's suit hire and shoes, and DD's dress, shoes and hair-do on the day.
Slightly less than expected, but still........

DH asked why we were paying, and it seems that because the reception and honeymoon are so very expensive, their budget won't stretch to pay for everything.
my answer to that..... FIND SOMEWHERE CHEAPER!!!!!
Anyway, that's about it now - looks like DH is resigned to paying (much against my complaining and better judgement) - Charity shop for my outfit I think!

If you are resigned (as it sounds you are) to letting the children take part, then at least choose the shoes so that you get ones that can continue to be used afterwards. Tell them to sod off about paying to have daughter's hair done - she can do her own hair ta very much! or you will do it for her - and make sure you get to keep the dress, which can go on eBay afterwards to recoup some of the cost (or the bride & groom can sell the bridesmaid dresses as a set, and give you your share).

Personally, though, I think they are extracting the urine very, very strongly. We had only the attendants that we could afford to pay for! You pay = you choose. (Which is why we resisted all attempts for either set of parents to get involved either!)

melancholly

i also assume that you won't be getting them a gift - you shelling out this much just to be there should be enough for them!!

i guess i can almost understand having an expensive reception and not being able to cover everything so hoping people might pay for things themselves (it's still incredibly rude/inappropriate but at least you'll be there any enjoy some of it), but to say you need to pay for your children's outfits beacuse their honeymoon is costing too much............... i can barely believe that they managed to say that out loud without hearing it themselves............. perhaps you could ask them to pay for your children's birthday party so that you can afford to go on a family holiday instead......

pinkshoes

Tell your OH to grow some balls and point out to his brother that he should plan a wedding that he CAN afford, because organising a huge extravagant wedding and making everyone else pay is below the belt and RUDE!

Your husband should phone his brother, thank him for his kind invitation, but say that you'll have to decline playing any roles in the wedding, as you just can't afford it, and only accepted because it's normally paid for by the bride and groom so you weren't expecting to have to foot the costs yourself. Then tell him that you're looking forward to coming to the wedding as regular guests, and you're sure your DD will get over the disappointment.

If he's not willing to do this, then make sure every penny of the money required comes from HIS pockets! No more boys nights out, no more gadgets, no more beer...

floss2

melancholly wrote: »

............. perhaps you could ask them to pay for your children's birthday party so that you can afford to go on a family holiday instead......

I think this is an excellent idea - and you should really ask them now, so they have plenty of notice (and so they realise how ridiculous that pathetic "excuse" was!)

When DF & I get married, it will be a small affair - 1 BM, whose dress I will be buying (and giving to her so she can wear it again) and my 2 x DS's, who will be having new suits (whether they need them or not ).

When I was 3, I was to be BM to my godfather - his wife to be bought the fabric to match the other dresses & my mum made my dress, basically because we were 250m away from the other BM's. Never wore it though - got chickenpox instead!

Bex45

I wonder what kind of 'friends' some of the people are who are mentioned in the stories on this thread, those who are forcing people they're supposed to care about to spend beyond their means! As other posters have said, weddings these days seem to be all about who can spend the most and put on the biggest show. DH and I got married in a registry office, had a small reception and a honeymoon in Cornwall as we couldn't afford anything else (my wedding band was 20 quid from h. samuel!) but 24 years and 2 DDs later, we are still blissfully happy together (oh, and I would be gutted if I ever lost my cheap ring!)
OP, it sounds like you are still worried about the cost? Any room to negotiate it down a bit more?
Bex