Wedding Cost nightmare

margaretclare

If this is becoming a 'stupid trend' then it should be stamped on, hard.

When my younger daughter got married in 1993 the theme was 'The Railway Children' - reception on a preserved steam train! So, the dresses were copies of Edwardian fashions - think Phyllis in 'The Railway Children'. I paid for the children's dresses and shoes, that was part of my contribution.

When I got married for the second time in 2002 I paid for a dress for my matron-of-honour and also paid for a matching waistcoat for the little ring-bearer.

Margaret

hemc

My bridesmaids paid for thier own dresses and dd has been a bridesmaid twice and myself 3 times and all but one time we paid for our own dresses.
c x

belfastgirl23

I suppose the big question to me is whether you can afford it. In terms of the rights and wrongs well I do think it's a bit off personally BUT you're going to be living with these people for a long time and it's probably only worth falling out about if things are really tight. If it will really cause you problems then I wonder if your DH's parents or another brother or sister might have a word about it? In any case I would definitely make the point that this will be your contribution to the wedding and buy only a token gift (picture frame etc) and be sure and get shoes etc that the kids can get some further use out of even if they don't quite fit with the outfits. I would check the hairdresser situation too because if the bride has a hairdresser coming to her home then I would expect that your daughter should be able to benefit from this at least.

I do really resent how much weddings cost the guests though!

jane130

My dd's are being bridesmaids for my sister in may and we have offered to buy their shoes to help with the cost . she originally said aout us paying for the dreses( she has 4 neices so i can understand why she asked ) but we all said no that we couldn;t afford to and not to worry about them being bridemaids the gorls woudn;t mind .

Its her wedding she doesn't have to have bridemaids but she wants them so its down to her to find the money to pay for them or go without.

PasturesNew

I got caught like that a number of years back. I was asked to be a bridesmaid and then after I'd said yes it became evident I was having to pay to hire the hideous peach meringue-outfit the bride had chosen.

I think the LEAST people could do is start off by letting you know the outfits would need to be paid for by you and how much, so you can say "No thanks" or "I'd love to but can't afford it" at the outset.

Is there any flexibility in the outfits? That you could buy 2nd hand, or make them yourself or something similar (fancy dress shop?!)

Imp

I'm in the process of getting married. My fiancee bought loads of books about it. Half the books said the bride's mother traditionally bought the bridesmaid dresses. The other half said the bridesmaid's mother bought the bridesmaid dresses.

They should have let you know what was expected of you when you were asked. That is the only wrong thing they have done.

What we have found is organising a wedding is unbelievably difficult when people start expecting you to organise things they can do themselves. We are paying for the bridesmaid dresses. The chief bridesmaid does not like it the dress which has been chosen so wants us to find another one just for her. We have people complaining that we are having a vegetarian wedding. The bridesmaid and half her family are vegitarian. People wanting us to arrange their accomodation and transport and everything else.

Anyway, after my rant. Give them two options and a deadline to make the decision. Either they pay for the outfits, and the kids take part as they would like, or they don't pay for the outfits and the kids are just guests like everyone else.

Don't make up any sort of excuse, tell them how it is.

sticher

No way would I pay towards someone else's wedding (in such a big way anyway) when I couldn't afford everything I wanted at my own (because we paid for everything, including a free bar) What we couldn't afford, we didn't have - as it should always be.

With regard to your children being disappointed - I don't know how old they are, but do they even know what would be expected of them? If not really, I would just buy them some nice outfits and not mention it again - they are unlikely to realise if they are very young.

We went to a family wedding and I had dressed my sons nicely and even though they weren't ushers/pageboys, the photographer thought they were and wanted them in the main photos because they looked nice.

Mrs7ones

Thanks all for your replies.
I guess me and DH need to do some more talking.
Like one poster said, the thing here is about not upsetting the family and having to live with these people for a long time to come..
It isn't that we wouldn't be able to 'find' the money for the outfits, to me it's the principal of it. Had we been told (when the kids were asked to join in the wedding) that we'd have to pay for the privelidge, then I might not feel so bad done to now.

TBH, this is causing so much stress between me and DH already, that I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than even attend :eek:

vivatifosi

I agree with you Mrs Jones!

I know that the days of having sarnies in the local community centre are long gone, but I do think this is extracting the urine somewhat.

However, regarding the family thing, my cousin went through seven months of stress over something similar with her brother's wedding and I will say this, it cost her more in emotional terms stressing out over it for the seven months than the several hundred pounds and being hacked off on the day. While I agree with you completely, is it worth putting yourself through months of stress over?

laurad85

ive been a bridesmaid twice and both times ive bought the dresses-i just thought it was what you did! both times i wore horrible dresses and hated every minute, ive told everybody i dont want to be a bridesmaid again (unless it my bestfriend).