Wedding Cost nightmare

Mrs7ones

I've posted about this on the wedding forum, but now feel that here would be more appropriate.
Basically, DH's bro is getting wed in 18 months time. DD has been asked to be bridesmaid, DS1and DS2 asked to be ushers/pageboy.
We had an email last week telling us how much the suit hire and dress were going to cost us (they also wanted DH to have a hired suit).
Our (my) first reaction was shock at the fact that we were expected to pay for the suit hire and dress, and then horror at how much it is going to cost.
Being a family of 5, nothing is cheap with us..... just attending the wedding would cost enough in new clothes, but with hiring all the stuff, it's expected to cost over £600 (before I get anything to wear).
After a lot of heated discussion, DH decided that he didn't want to wear a fancy hire suit, but would buy a new suit he will be able to wear for work afterwards, and DS2 decided he didn't want to be usher either.

So, that leaves DD as bridesmaid and DS2 as pageboy...... Still, the expected cost of their 2 outfits being £300 :eek: 9please bear in mind I could get them something nice to wear for £60ish if they weren't playing a part in the wedding)

I just can't get my head around the fact that it aint our wedding yet it's going to cost us so much to attend.
I know they want their day to be special, but not at our cost. My feeling is that if they cant afford to pay for it all, then maybe they should down size a bit..... they've hired a huge posh hotel for the reception, and they planned honeymoon is costing thousands.

But it isn't just the bridesmaids etc that they are off-loading - someone else is paying for the night do, a friend is being DJ, and the Groom gets a free suit from the hire shop in the bargain.......

It just doesn't seem fair to me!

seven-day-weekend

I think if they want people to wear special clothes then they should pay for them.

Just tell them you can't afford it.

scotsgirl_3

I think this is really unfair. We got married recently, and our bridesmaids dresses etc were all paid for by us. Our ushers and best man paid for their own kilt hire, however this was something that they all insisted on, as even if they had been just attending a wedding as guests they would have had this cost. We had budgeted to pay for all of this ourselves.

I would be tempted to tell them straight out that you simply can't afford it, and point out that attending a wedding is expensive enough as a guest!

Also, how old are your little ones? £300 for the two outfits seems quite pricey! Are their other young ones that they have to match? If not, could you maybe try to find something cheaper for them to wear as a compromise- lots of the high street places like BHS and debenhams do outfits for young bridesmaids and page boys which may be quite a bit cheaper.

gazzak_2

You are subsidising their wedding, pure and simple.

When we got married we paid for EVERYTHING. Our parents kindly gave us £1000 at the last minute which we put behind the bar. We saved for years for the wedding and had what we wanted at OUR expense, I don't understand the mentality in expecting you to pay out so much money. I don't have a solution, (sorry), but I'm getting angry just thinking about it :mad:

Time for a cuppa.

Jamz

I would tell them I couldn't afford it also.

At my wedding the people we wanted in special outfits (Only me, Best man, Father of the Bride, the bridesmaid and of course the bride) we're paid for by us, Saying that though there were 12 people at out wedding, it was in Cancun and it had cost everyone at least £1700 to be there anyhows

floss2

I agree, say theat you're very sorry, but DS2 & DD won't be taking part as the costs are too high for your budget.

If they really want them to be part of the ceremony, they should pay for the outfits......I have never heard of a bridesmaid not being bought her dress....

debs66_2

i can understand your anger. you are quite right.

IMO, if someone gets married and asks someone else to participate as part of the wedding party, then they should fund the clothes. i know my parents did that when i got married (over 20 years ago, but i still think the principal applies).

i think your anger lies in the fact that they asked your family to take on these roles without mentioning that they would expect you to pay - and also that they seem to be playing pretty free with everyone else's money in that they are choosing very expensive outfits. i mean, there can be no expense spared if it's not their expense. bit cheeky actually.

i think your hubby needs to do the talking, and he needs to go in with a compromise.

he should speak to his brother, and tell him that you did not expect this bill, and that you simply cannot afford it. don't forget, his bro doesn't know what its like to pay out for a family of 5 - he's just starting out on that road. they quite simply might be totally unaware of how difficult it is to find that sort of money, and whether he is a brother or not, it isn't even for a day for your family.

your hubby should explain that if they cannot afford to fund the wedding, then they should discuss a compromise on what others can and will pay.

are there parents involved here too that can be brought into the loop to help sort this in a diplomatic way. let's face it, there is a bride here who has a big idea going on in her head, and someone's going to have to bring her back down to earth...

good luck!

u2nick79

We paid for everything and the bridesmaid got to keep her own dress and accessories.

They are being cheap skates.

mumofjusttwo

Agree with everyone on here. I had 4 bridesmaids and 6 ushers and would not have entertained the idea that they would have to pay. Especially when they are not cheap.

Hope it all goes well and can get sorted.

Dan_Thunder

Shocking, if you ask someone to take a role in your Wedding then you're expected to pay for their outfit.

I'd just explain that most of you won't be able to take part because it's too expensive to outfit your entire family on your own as well as turn up and buy them a present.

I appreciate that even a small Wedding can be expensive for a lot of people but even so, there are certain things that the Bride & Groom/Parents are expected to pay for and outfits are one of them.

squashy

I think there is an unwritten etiquette rule that says: You choose you pay!