Wedding Cost nightmare

floss2

How about asking what colour BM dress is required, then finding a reasonable dress to match - at a cost that you choose to pay and that DD will wear again......if that isn't acceptaed, then maybe say "Oh, i'm sorry, but that's all we can really afford, what with paying to hire DS's suit, and DD's shoes & hairdo etc. If it's a problem then maybe you should pay for the dress so it matches the other BM's"

Mrs7ones

floss2 wrote: »

How about asking what colour BM dress is required, then finding a reasonable dress to match - at a cost that you choose to pay and that DD will wear again......if that isn't acceptaed, then maybe say "Oh, i'm sorry, but that's all we can really afford, what with paying to hire DS's suit, and DD's shoes & hairdo etc. If it's a problem then maybe you should pay for the dress so it matches the other BM's"

They are being very specific on the dresses - all 4 bridesmaids are in matching floor length dresses.......

Mrs7ones

From my posts, it looks like I'm being the fussy one here..... I'm not, honestly, I'm just telling it as it is!

belfastgirl23

Mrs7ones wrote: »

From my posts, it looks like I'm being the fussy one here..... I'm not, honestly, I'm just telling it as it is!

I know my advice has been to swallow it and get on with it...and I guess I do still think that.

but I do think it's inappropriate to ask, especially in the context of paying for their honeymoon :eek: :eek:

Mrs7ones

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

......
but I do think it's inappropriate to ask, especially in the context of paying for their honeymoon :eek: :eek:

there wasn't any 'asking' involved - we were TOLD :eek:

floss2

Why not "twist" the phrasing, and ask them why you should contribute to their special day?
If they say "because we want your lovely DD to be a BM", then say OK, so pay for the dress & we will cover her shoes & DS's suit hire.
but if they say "because we can't afford to pay for your DD's dress because we're having a super-dooper honeymoon", then say "I'm sorry, but DD will be a guest with us as we don't have the resources as a family to spend that sort of money"....

Either way, somebody will probably have a tantrum - whether it be your BiL or your DD!

It is not just the cost of the dress & shoes though, it's everything else: dry cleaning / new haircut / shoes heeling / buttonholes / taxi or fuel to get there / drinks at the reception / taxi home / overnight stay? And it all adds up, even without a gift.

dawnybabes

i'm amazed by this - i've been BM three times as an adult - once the bride chose the dress so they paid and the the 2 I've picked the dress and insisted on paying as its been an evening type frock I could rewear. BUT it was my choice to pay on all occasions the bride has offered and I've declined.

My DS was pageboy this summer and it was all paid for - I'd have been suprised if I was asked to pay

Thnk its been a but underhand - presume they expected you to be so happy for kiddies to be involved (I know one won't will the others be upset if not ?) bit emotional blackmail here ....

Mrs7ones

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Do let us know how you get on.

I though it would be rude not to let you know the outcome of all this....

After lots of thought and discussion, we have decoded to tell BiL that we will have to turn down his offer for DD and DS2 to play parts in their wedding, as unfortunately, our budget for the next 12 months does not allow to pay for such expensive outfits.
I just need to get DH to actually tell him now :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

belfastgirl23

Well done for coming to the decision!

Will be interested to hear how the telling bit goes, sounds like your BIL wasn't taking the point on board at all....

Mrs7ones

Well, they've been told!
And they are not happy.
It would seem that we are putting unnecessary stress on them and spoiling the fun of it all.
They 'thought' we were aware of what we would be expected to pay for, and as it is a special day, we are expected to conform and cough-up! (that aint gunna happen!!), and make a bit of effort for them.

Anyway, we all know where we stand now, and TBH, the importance of it all has just plunged in my life as my dad has just been diagnosed with a very very serious illness

Just keeping you informed!