Calling All Single Parents

missyg_3

misswig, the hardest thing for me is having to soldier on when I am ill. Thankfully (touch wood) I'm a healthy person and this has only happened a few times, but I'm sure you all know this feeling!

98sidney

Hello everybody, and welldone to you all you are all doing so well. I agree with going to bed early, and also like many others I have tried dating, but find most men are either strange or just after a place to live, so have giving up. And also like many of you I have been on my own for so long now I wouldnt be able to share my space with another person, or my tv remote for that matter. Have a good day everybody.

angie_baby

98sidney wrote: »

Hello everybody, and welldone to you all you are all doing so well. I agree with going to bed early, and also like many others I have tried dating, but find most men are either strange or just after a place to live, so have giving up. And also like many of you I have been on my own for so long now I wouldnt be able to share my space with another person, or my tv remote for that matter. Have a good day everybody.

Yep, i agree withthis - couldnt share my bed now either!

misswig

Me neither!! A good nights sleep is more beneficial than lying awake all night listening to someone else snoring or worse!!!

djdido2

What a great thread. I wanted to do this a while ago but scared of coming across as a 'man hater' lol. I'm a single mum to DD (11) and DS (4). She has just started secondary school and he has just started primary school so I have a little more time on my hands. I am always busy, I'm running a business, studying at university, I'm a volunteer youth worker and a real hands on mum. Dad takes no interest in children whatsoever and I get no money at all for them. Its damn hard work and when I dwell, I honestly wonder sometimes, how I do it! When I am tottering on with my busy schedule, it gives me time to think how lucky I am to have two brilliant kids, I have bought my own place and I am striving to get a degree and therefore a better job. It makes me stronger.

So all you single mums and dads out there, I really know how you feel and just want to give you all a huge pat on the back (and myself:)).

Its the best job you will ever do.

Dido

xxx

LameDuck

I agree djdido2 - it's the best job ever - I have a 16yo son, 13yo daughter and an 11yo son. They miss out on very little enjoy their life much better since their Mum left!!

scoobydo_2

Well done Lame duck I take my hats off to single dads they do a great job against the predjudice's (sp?) of society .Lone dads aren't thought of or thanked enough . Its not thought of that women leave their kids too have another life but they do , many moons ago when i was young lol I baby sat for 3 little ones who's mum upped and left no word as to why or anything they were all under 5 so very hard work for dad .

chickadee

eira wrote: »

Society expects you to walk on water-look at all the demands for single parents to go back to work and virtually no pressure for runaway parents to support the kids.

Please don't make sweeping statements like this that simply aren't true!

Society doesn't expect you to walk on water, it simply expects that you won't use your child as a meal ticket and a means of 'opting out' of making a valuable contribution to society. Many single parents, myself included, do continue to work and whilst I'm not suggesting it is easy, it isn't impossible.

There is a great deal of pressure (albeit from a dysfunctional child support agency) for absent parents to contribute to the upkeep of their children. Of course there will always be those whose aim in life is to avoid paying for them, as there will always be people who evade tax, commit fraud, etc.

And finally, referring to absent parents as runaway parents is very unkind. Every situation is different and whilst I agree that there are parents who do flee at the mention of the word 'pregnant' that isn't true for all of them. I know several fathers whose attempts to have meaningful relationships with their kids are thwarted at every turn by their former partners.

I'm not criticising the thread by the way. I think it is a great idea and will hopefully be of support to other single parents, just lets not let it degenerate into a man-bashing thread.

jembie

Hi to all my fellow LPs.
I have 2 children - 15DD and 13DS.

My story in short - I got married in 91 gave birth in 92 and then on my 24th birthday and as I was 9 months pregnant my mother past away suddenly. My son was born 2 weeks later and then 6 months later my father passed away. On Easter Sunday 95 just after my son's first birthday, My husband decided it was all too much for him and took his own life. This left me to bring up my children with only the support of my 2 younger sisters.

It hasn't been easy regards to money and even though I have tried several times to get back to work it just never worked out. They talk up about getting single parents back to work and providing child care etc but that was !!!!!!!! as there was absolutely no provision in my area. A lot of the time they expect you to use your parents as child care but when you don't have parents they don't know what to say.

My in-laws haven't bothered with me or the children since their dad died. I used to try by sending cards at Christmas and school photos but I never got a reply so I gave up with them.

I have been in a rut the last couple of years. I have been in and out of depression and developed social phobia so severe that I can't even bare to leave the house unless it is a last resort.

I have seen a few mentions of dating on this thread - I don't even know what a man is and if one tried to talk to me I think I would probably just pass out or maybe throw up all over him. My husband was my first ever boyfriend so I don't have much experience anyway.

I have enjoyed reading this thread it is nice to know there are others here with varying perspectives.

djdido2

chickadee wrote: »

Please don't make sweeping statements like this that simply aren't true!

Society doesn't expect you to walk on water, it simply expects that you won't use your child as a meal ticket and a means of 'opting out' of making a valuable contribution to society. Many single parents, myself included, do continue to work and whilst I'm not suggesting it is easy, it isn't impossible.

There is a great deal of pressure (albeit from a dysfunctional child support agency) for absent parents to contribute to the upkeep of their children. Of course there will always be those whose aim in life is to avoid paying for them, as there will always be people who evade tax, commit fraud, etc.

And finally, referring to absent parents as runaway parents is very unkind. Every situation is different and whilst I agree that there are parents who do flee at the mention of the word 'pregnant' that isn't true for all of them. I know several fathers whose attempts to have meaningful relationships with their kids are thwarted at every turn by their former partners.

I'm not criticising the thread by the way. I think it is a great idea and will hopefully be of support to other single parents, just lets not let it degenerate into a man-bashing thread.

But unless thats you in that position, you really dont know how it feels to have a gorgeous child that is blatantly ignored by the very person responsible for bringing him/her into the world.

I really dont think people are generalising and stereotyping here. I have had to deal with my DS asking why daddy does not 'babysit' for him anymore, or why school friends have got a daddy and I havent. Don't you think he should be there to answer those questions.

I think you will find there are thousands of runaway mums and dads as the shambles that is the CSA proves this!