Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_Sue

What a lot of good sense kimitatsu has posted! Not to say that no-one else has, but it's summed up everything I would want to say.

Glad to hear from Biggest that her bf is OK, now listen to her mooloo and don't try to add hospital visiting to your 'to-do' list!

Savvy_sewing

Hello, its Sunday evening already. Yesterday was a long hard day at work. I cried on one of the Volunteers just before we opened. In the morning I struggled to get things going, but some how we did. The shop did well and we were back on target, and beat it by £400 in the end.
I had to have a lot of conversations on the telephone, and I kept ringing home to check on DS. He mainly played on his computer games, and has not said very much at all. My parents listened, and told me that I am a very strong person, and that I have always been a rock, so they believe that I can handle this too. But mum was worried about me.
I did go to my BF's in the evening, and sat talking to him. I wanted to talk about how we are going to cope with the holiday that is booked in October. He said he is not even sure if his kids are coming and that is a worry. I said that although we have a few problems, if possible I would like all of us still to go, his 2 youngest, my DS, and the pair of us. We will have to see what he says to his kids.The holiday has mostly been paid for. And it was not cheap, worried now that we will be throwing it all away.
I need a holiday, but I need to know that the family is not in critical mode when or if I get to go.
Today I have felt really strange, bit spaced out, not all there. Slower than I have ever been. Cant think straight.
I didnt go to see Biggests of Mooloos partner as I was worried that I was not that safe driving if I felt so sluggish and not really there.
I have spent the last 3 hours in the family room, and have talked through a lot of things. Twin 1 said that she is not ready to move out yet, but that she is struggling with her sister. Twin2 went out yesterday as soon as her baby had gone to the other grandparents, and she didnt come back until a few minutes before the baby was due back.
I tried to explain to her that she has already run up another lot of massive debts with the bank, and that she will be getting over £130 worth of bank charges going out of her already £200plus overdrawn account. As she is only getting her benefits paid in, they will be swallowed up and she will have no money to buy food for her baby.
(I suppose I will have to do that out of the housekeeping that luckily (I hope) is still paid into my bankaccount straight from the Tax Credits office.). I have of course told her that I am not helping her anymore.
The baby was brought back on time. The Social worker A, rang at 6 to check what she was going to do. She has decided to stay here afterall as yesterday Social worker said she could not take the baby away, she would have to leave the baby with me. So I am also relieved that she has not gone. But she is not talking to me and has gone up to bed with the baby. She is expecting me to look after the baby all next weekend as she wants to go to do her Ann Summers and stay with this woman etc... I have said that I will have to seriously consider what she is asking and that I was in no fit state to make a decision today. The social worker A also spoke to me, and she said that she was going to see if she could interviene with the Ann Summers and the bank stuff, we will have to see if we can get the solicitors back on her case, etc.
She is also going to talk to the Solicitor that represented DS on Friday and see if he is going to represent him later on when needed.
Now I am sitting here, trying to think straight and not really succeeding.
I think it is time for me to bow out and go to bed early.
I will drive DS to school in the morning, and make sure he gets there, then I will have to dash back to open the shop as my Assistant has text me to say that her mother has had another nose bleed in the night, and that she was waiting to go to hospital (at 3.30pm) so she might not be at work afterall. That has put me into a spin as my area manager had said I could take the time off to do what I needed as and when, and I had wanted to talk to the school. I will have to do it over the phone again. But she said that becuase she thought that the assistant was going to be there to cover.
Much as I should be sympathetic to her, (the assistant) I just feel she is using it as an excuse as her mother has been in and out of hospital with nose bleeds for a while, and she has her sister who is the carer and lives at home too. So I cant see why she cannot be at work during the day, and if her mother is kept in this time, she could visit. Then when thats written down, then I feel as though I am being hard and a right !!!!!. We all have problems. I should be more sympathetic.
So I better consider that early night.

I would like to say thanks to all the posters. I have read what you have all said, and I will take it all into consideration. I am trying hard not to blame myself, but unfortunately I do.

Errata

There's absolutely no point in blaming yourself, it won't change what's happened.
Do you think the time has come when you need to decide what you can reasonably achieve and what you can't? Sadly, you won't be the first woman to discover that in practice 'you can't do it all' and it might make life easier for you and for everyone else if you could figure out which bits of the 'all' you can do and which bits are simply beyond you.

I'm not sure if Twin2 has learning difficulties, but if she has it should be reasonably straightforward to get her out of the Ann Summers contract. A headline in the paper reading 'Ann Summers rips of learning isabled woman' wouldn't be good PR for them. Hope this helps.

Savvy_sewing

Hi,
I have spoken to both the twins, I have spoken to DS. I have spoken to the Social Services. basically there is no quick fix.
There is nowhere that the Social services can actaully place the girls, if it is the best thing for them, me or both, at least that is what has been said.
My first priority is to make sure that my son is listened to, is helped, and can be supported as best as possible. I cant move back to Belper. I havent got the funding to up sticks and move because the family want to move again. I do not believe that it will solve many of our problems.
DS struggled to get through school, but he did. Nobody should have known but the twins had told one of his friends that had visited on Friday. She opened up her mouth and that was that. I feel for him. He did ring at lunchtime and ask to come home but I didnt think that it was a good idea, and told him that he must just say, "you shouldnt listen to gossip or spread it" and walk away. But he cant come home, life is going to be sticky and to be honest thats a little bit tough, becuase he has broken the rules afterall.! As long as he is not physically bullied, of course. He didnt come straight home, he stopped off at a friends. So I was not happy about that. I couldnt go to collect him. I did take him to school.
I went into work early, and was planning to leave the assistant a list of things to do, but in the end, I spoke to Social worker A, and the firm of solicitors that will represent DS. So I didnt need to come home. I left work at 2.15 to go to the physiotherapy class. It would have been my last session, but I am able to continue for another 6 weeks, so although I hate the thought, I am actually getting to enjoy the sessions!!(shh dont tell anyone, as me and exercise are not a common sight!!).
When the session was over I didnt bother to go back to work though, I came home. Twins were arguing again. I have talked to them, its quite bad.
Twin 1 used her money to buy baby food, milk, and some new bottles, nappies ets. To last her for the coming week. However as twin2 has so dramatically messed up on her money she has no money to buy her baby anything. So there was an arguement about her using her sisters food.
Obviously I cannot let the baby go without, so I have said that I will reimburse the sister for anything that Twin2 uses. But that twin2 will have to account for everything that she is using, and pay it back when we sort out the bank problems. (OK so I wont hold my breathe but I am not going to make it easy for her. ) Its tough that her sister is making a point. I dont blame her. Why should she use the things her sister bought and get away with running up more debts. The tension between the two of them is at one of the worst I have felt in a long time.
Twin2 ended up in Banbury with the Ann Summers lady for the weekend. So now she is talking about moving to Banbury as its cheaper. I told her that unfortunately as her baby is under a social services order, she is not going anywhere without their say so. That she needs to sort her self out before she can go solo, and that a place anywhere is not going to just pop up.!!
I have cooked the dinner tonight. Half price meat bought in the co-op last week with new potatoes, mushrooms, peppers, carrots and onions, done in olive oil, soy sauce and worcestershire sauce, Yum. I just could not face another concoction from the girls.
I had a descussion with work about taking some time out, when the assistant returned to work. As DS has his things coming up on Wed and dentist on Thursday, I think I might just take the full day off on both days. I am toying with the idea of taking off tomorrow too. But I will see. I can ring in to the Area Manager and take a bit of my holiday and fill in the necessary paperwork another day. She is quite a good manager that way. She understands the health and the children issues as she has been in poor health lately and has a 15 year old girl. Need I say anymore.
I will see if I can get a decent nights sleep and decide in the morning.
I think that if I can move properly I would like to sort out a few things in my rooms, and rumage through the washing mountain and get some clothes sorted out.
sorry I am rambling now. Better go and see if there are anymore surveys to fill in!!

Savvy_sewing

Dam, the landlord just telephoned and said that the council have paid less and there is a short fall of £45 ish... I have to go and see him. Well I am in my dressinggown so I am not going now. I just told him that I dont have it this week. That I have the water bill, the electric and gas, and the television all just gone out, so I dont have spare and I will have to ask my Dad. (My little bit of savings are in my parents bank).

Savvy_sewing

Well I have decided that I needed some time off of work, so I came home early after leaving instructions etc etc. I have tomorrow and Thursday off to sort out DS's troubles and his dentist appointment too. The rest of the time I hope to sort out the twins, who are arguing so much they are not helping each other.
They have gone to buy the food for twin2's baby, (with my money- to be paid back somehow).
DS Is home. Spoke to his school again today. He is behind in Drama and so I need to sort his homework and course work out with him if I can.
I contacted the council and found out what they have paid the landlord and what I am supposed to pay him, and he should I hope get the money sorted from there. As far as we make out/ Me and the man in the council, I do not owe him anymore, infact I overpaid him by £23. odd . He was not in when I went around, so I have left the explanitory note with his children. (Adult ones),
I await his reply.
Now the twins ahve also just got back in, so its back to battle commense mode here. God I am exhausted.

Savvy_sewing

I have telephoned the Insolvency Agency and they tell me that my Bankrupcy was discharged on the 18th Of May this year!! I never heard from them. They are going to send me a letter telling me. Hopefully I can use that to help me to move on with the banks etc.? Better go and see what they say on the Bankrupcy and living withit board!!

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo, I am so glad to hear some positive news (about the bankruptcy) and that you have been able to take some time off. Have a hug from me, and I'd tell you to offer you DS one from me as well, but I know what they're like with hugs at that age!

Savvy_sewing

Three months ago, I helped out two of the people I work with to get rid of some debts with a loan agency that is chargeing extortionate prices. To my surprise I was given back most of the money today. So I am quite thrilled as it means that if the landlord still insists I owe him money I can pay it. (Although the council say I dont). I dont want to get on the wrong side of him. It also means that I have said sod it for the night and said we can have a takeaway as i really am not in the mood to cook. Iknow its naughty of me, but I really had written the money off. The rest of it I am going to give to my BF to put away for our holiday in October. (if we get to go).
I am getting tired and nervous about tomorrow for DS, I take with me all the well wishes, and I hope that he will learn his lesson, but that also the courts are lenient on his situation. It is so terrifying for me, so I cannot believe how he must be feeling. All the talk I am getting is about his computer games so I have no idea.

Seaxwyn

Hey that's great news about the money. So glad to read about some unexpected good luck. Sending best wishes to you and your son for tomorrow - really hope that it's a good outcome for him.