Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Right after having been over on Hypno#s thread, I have decided to attempt to do the £10 a day challenge to raise extra funds. I am not sure how I will, or even if I can find the time, but that will be a third of my wages! That sounds good to me. Especially if I want the Mortgage deposit in 5 years time. (When Bankrupcy is wiped away!). I want to save £30,000, (Ok so thats a dream) One day I will make enough money to save some. I have to start somewhere.
BF has text good night, reminding me that although he is not at work tomorrow I am. (And with no assistant for another week, and new shop layout to do).
Best I start to think about bed myself.

Kimitatsu

Mooloo

I am a mum, and my mum is a grandmother, I love her to bits, she drives me mad (several times a week on average) and my children love her to bits BUT at the end of the day she has done her raising of her family, and we all know she is there for us if we need her. However this is her time and although I know I can always call on her for babysitting etc she has her own life - and I am pleased to see her living it to the full.

My Mum says that she feels about 20 but now it is her body that lets her down, she tires more easily and to my mind she is there to be grandma not mum (its my job to growl at the kids lol) and although as I pointed out to her that she is far more leniant with the kids than she was with me (apparently its one step removed!!) I know she is always there if anything happened to me.

I know how big a decision this is for you, but at the moment you cannot give the best to your grandchildren Mooloo whilst you are trying to be all things to everyone. This is YOUR time to take, you have found the love of your life, and he patently feels the same about you. Would you resent the people who made you give this up if you had to? I too work for a charity, and I love it. There are things that drive me mad about it, its lower paid than the commercial sector but actually I get a massive amount of job satisfaction from it, and that matters to me.I suspect thats what keeps you going too.

Its hard to let children go at any age especially ones which you have nurtured for so long, but Mooloo, if they went to live on their own, you would have peace, you could give DS the time he needs and still be there for your daughters. The difference is you can descend on them, play with the babies and leave, you dont have to live with them 24/7 and feel responsible for them. It doesnt mean that you are abandoning them in any way, you can still badger SS daily to ensure that they get the care they need but at the moment they have the safety net of Mum all of the time, they dont need to be any more independant than they already are.

I worry for you, if anything happened to you then your girls would be looked after, so look after yourself so that you can drive them mad as my Mum does me!!

FROSTYFRECKLE

Hi Mooloo,

Like many people reading your thread we want to help. Just read the latest and you got me thinking about housing for your twins. The Social Services are as useful as a chocolate teapot. As an alternative have you heard of Stoneham - they provide housing for vulnerable people - learning disabilities included. They are part of Homes

www.homegroup.org.uk

My hubby's friend Bill works for Homes in Scotland and provide excellent support and housing. Stoneham only provides housing in England. Sorry trying to hurry before forum gets turned off. Will find more info for you

Savvy_sewing

Hello, two points, I am very happy to let the children go, but I am not happy that they may loose the babies if I do. I want the Social Services to find the correct support for the girls.
Both girls had left home, it was the Social Services that sent them back to me! (Well twin 2 anyway. Twin one was sent back by the Hostel she was in in Derby).

I havent heard of Stoneham, and I will certainly look into it when I get back from work.
Thankyou for the link. x

Kimitatsu

Mooloo wrote: »

Hello, two points, I am very happy to let the children go, but I am not happy that they may loose the babies if I do. I want the Social Services to find the correct support for the girls.
Both girls had left home, it was the Social Services that sent them back to me! (Well twin 2 anyway. Twin one was sent back by the Hostel she was in in Derby).

Hiya Mooloo

I dont wish to offend you in any way so apologies if I did. I did understand that you are happy to let the girls go and it is SS that are being most unhelpful at the moment. What I was trying to say was that if the twins were not with you all the time you may find it easier to fight their corner, at the moment it is too easy for SS to put all of the burden onto you, rather than take responsibility themselves.

If they have to support the girls then they have a code of conduct, regular meetings and a standard of service. Under their own rules they have to try to keep the babies with their mothers as far as possible and there have to be set procedures that are followed. At any time in that process you can step in and offer to have them back with you.

I think you are doing a brilliant job, and YOU need the support to continue as much as the girls. Like you I guess I have just come to a bit of a brick wall as to where you can go to get the answers that you need. I assume the girls are registered with SureStart already?

Take care
x

Dazi

Hiya Mooloo

Am still reading your thread, not posted as I do not think I can say anything others haven't said. Am so in awe of the things you do. I want to shake social services really hard! they do not seem to understand what you are saying! I can understand that you do not want the girls to lose their babies, they are your grandchildren, it would be hard if you lost contact with them.

I enjoyed your posts talking about your job, think you may be ok even in the recession, think more people will buy from charity shops. You obviously love your job, it shows in your posts, and you obviously have the talent/dedication/flair to make your shop succeeed.

Am sorry that I do not have any advice, just wanted you to know that I'm still reading and feeling for you. xxxxxxx

Savvy_sewing

\hi I am just having a quick browse, been checking my emails. I am at my BF's today so dont like to ask to come on to the computer much. The kids are usually viing for it but they are not about at the moment. My DS has been to see us this afternoon. Its the first time he has been here since we all moved out in May last year. It even felt strange with him here, as he doesnt like it much. I had hoped that he would mix well with BF's kids as they are at the same school, and the same ages but it never has really worked out that way.
I have been researching about Stoneham homes. The oxford branch is funnily enough in the same precinct as my shop! I have been walking passed it every morning to work and didnt know.!
On Monday I will see if I can find time to ring the SS again. I have not had any comeback from my calls for help on Tuesday/Wednesday. It is rediculous. They should have got back to me.
I have been feeling stronger, got the other medication out of my system. Been taking work as the main focus, and just tryng to let the problems with the girls wash over me.
But I am uncomfortable in my house at the moment, as I feel a bit like a traitor when I am there, as I have asked for the girls to be rehoused? I doubt of course that the SS will do anything about it. But I want them to at least investigate what options there really is here.
Nobody has told me anything at all.
Twin2 has been going to Sure start in Rose Hill, and twin1 did used to go when the babies were first born, but the Father of twin2 BBJ goes up there and he and twin1 do not get on so she stopped going. I have been trying to get them to go to Florence Park, where there is, I believe a mother and baby centre. But I cant seem to get them to get ready to get out of the house to go.
I really find that frustrating.
On Saturday when I went home after work the girls had not done anything. They had decided to go into town, to do the little bit of shopping that I had asked them to do for thier meals for the weekend.
Becuase they went into town, they did absolutely nothing else. Twin2s BBJ had gone to his other grandparents for the day. Would have been a good time for her to sort out the clothes etc....Nope.
I wanted to cry at the mess, but I just shut my eyes, gave the orders of what was to be done, again,. and came here.
I believe that the social worker that came last Tuesday is also coming this Tuesday. I bet that they will put their ****s into gear a bit when they know that she is coming!.
I better go and see if there is anything I can do to help with the meal here. (The girls at home are doing Chicken Kiev'es and rice, they can cook that.).
Thanks for the thoughts and the advice.
I think that I would like to keep my job. I do love it, even if it is a challenge. I think that I should be aiming to be Granny that just gets a visit or too visit. I think I also need to sort out my boxes that are still in my sitting room since making the baby room, and maybe find someone to sell my excess for me.? That would help me save some money. I have far too much stuff.

Savvy_sewing

Well its my day off. already. Usually I have the end of the week, Thursday or Friday, but as the assistant is off on her Annual Leave, today is the only day that the regional support manager can give me a day off.
I have been up for quite a while, had a couple of cups of tea, written in my diary, and talked with DS. He was stopped by the police on his way home last night, and questioned, as he looked like the description of a mugger. He came home wet, and crying. He doesnt want to live here in Oxford anymore. He never really has liked it here. But I cant afford to move. I dont know what to suggest and I feel very guilty that he has been somewhat side lined to cope with the twins and thier problems. School is due to start tomorrow. He has not managed to catch up with his work, and already we had talks about his options. But I am just not sure what to do with him. Or should I say for him.
The Social services still have not got back to me. I telephoned them about an hour ago. I told them yet again who I was, what I wanted, and they said, ....wait for it......some one will get back to me!!.
So I wait, again.
While I wait I am going to see if there is anyone at the school I can talk to about DS. But I wont hold my breathe.

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo instead of writing a letter to your local MP ring today and make an urgent appointment and tell them ALL about Social Services!!

As for your son, do school have a learning mentor or a counsellor he can talk to to help him see a way foward, the poor lad is obviously unhappy and support is what he needs.

Got to go now catch up later

Take care

Savvy_sewing

I have just had Social worker on the phone, trying to catch up on what has been happening while she has been on holiday. Long call. She doesnt want to commit to anything until she has investigated what has been happening, what is available, and what the repercusions would be.
She is sorry that things have not been going well. Right.
Is this another stalling motion or will she actually be helping me from now on.
I am still sat here in my dressinggown and the other lady is due in 10 minutes.
I have been told that yet another lady is going to contact us about twin1, and will also be contacting twin1 in her own right. They say they had tried me, but they obviously didnt have the right number, as nobody has reached me at all.
The first port of call is that the social worker i have just been speaking to, is going to contact the school, to find out what is available for DS. Then she will see if they can give DS some mentoring support, and see what school support there is.
Will the ball start to roll now? I hope so, as I am exhuasted, and I am exhuasted with trying and shouting.
Where is the respite care I was once told there would be? I asked that, and she sort of laughed nervously.
I am off to write down points of the conversation in the desk diary under todays date, and see if we can track the day etc when and where i have spoken to SS.