Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Well at lunchtime yesterday I rang the Rent Officer, and found out that if twin1 and BGP moved out then they would expect my son to share a room with the BBJ and we would only be entitiled to a 3 bedroomed house.So the rent for that has a ceiling at £1,050. So as the rent here is £1,500 I would be expected to find the extra £450 myself a month. (And I would have less income from Daughter but not a lot of changes in major bills).
However interestingly I still would not afford this house, but if it was twin2 and BBJ moving out, then we would be entitled to a four bedroomed house but only £1250-£1300 rent. As they would not expect my son to share with a baby girl!!! Why should he at 15 have to share with anyone.!! Anyway if either of them move out, then it means that the whole family will have to move again.
I was working it out last night and with my parents moving around in the airforce when I was a child, and all my moving around with my life, I have been in over 37 different places called home, and I am only 47!!
And thats only what I can work out? I may have forgotten places when I was very small.
I really just want a home of my own, and roots. Something that can be mine for the rest of my natural, but now that I am a bankrupt, it is not going to be very likely to ever happen. But if we adverage life to our 80's I dont fancy moving every year for the next 30 odd!!! And thats if I can get a rent I can afford. I am still not sure if I can afford to stay here now that I am back at work full time, as the council have suspended my housing benefit while they work it all out again.
I woke up last night, in cold and hot sweats worrying about the finances, and where we will end up, and if I can afford to keep the car, and if this or that..... Basically I dreamt bills and debts and nomad life, and it horrified me!! I lay awake from just after 5 this morning, worrying about what the changes are going to be, and how I was going to find the difference to pay the landlord, and the difference to pay back the council on any overpayment that they may have made to the landlord before they suspended the payments..
Well its a working day for me today, so I had better go and get myself moving and dressed for the occassion. Still huddled in my dressinggown, not long finished my cup of tea. Brr is it me or is it getting colder?

Keeping_Motivated

Oh Mooloo your poor thing. No wonder you feel so unsettled and scared the very least you deserve is a secure feeling of a home as you are going through enough as the carer to your grown up twins. I wish I had some suggestions/answers for you I really do. Because you are a complicated case you are just being left on your own with this and this is not fair, which you know to your cost!!

Is council housing an option? I'm still thinking maybe write to your local MP and I would tell him your 'story/situation' in detail tell him you don't fall into any 'nets' which you can understand as its so complicated but if someone doesn't step in and help there will probably be 2 innocent babies up for foster/adoption, then 2 traumatised twins who may do goodness knows what including get pregnant again and the fall out of no one helping will be worse than if someone steps in now and actually listens then helps. I would plead for him to come to a meeting with Social Service and Housing with you.

Take care
KM x

Savvy_Sue

It did occur to me when you said the landlord mentioned a flat going spare that maybe the best thing would be to move you and your DS into that, and let the council sort the girls out!

However, I realise how difficult that would be.

Having said that, I suspect all councils and social landlords ask on their initial application "Would you need help to maintain a tenancy?" to which the answer is clearly a big fat YES! What's on offer varies, but it should at the very least mean fast-track visits if the rent's ever in arrears, and could include regular visits to ensure things are kept in order.

Savvy_sewing

Hello, Its my day off today. I am still in my dressinggown. About to go and have a soak in the bath and see if I feel any better when I get out. I started to take the new Medicine on Saturday night, but it has also knocked me stupid. I am unable to drive my car. So I have left it at BF's and got him to give me a lift back here yesterday.
I have physio again this afternoon at the John Radcliffe. Back to work tomorrow. But I am not sure I feel very up to it. Perhaps I would really be better off struggling the way I was then to be zombie fied by the medications. Its alright feeling numb and out of it but its not dealing with the problems.
Twin1 was hoping to have been allowed the flat next door, but when I explained that we wouldnt be next door anymore if we were, she seemed to understand. But the arguements between the girls still abound. DS rang me yesterday afternoon when I was out walking with BF, and said he had to get out before he murdered someone!! I know how he feels.
I had suspicious calls over the weekend, and I popped back on Sunday afternoon becuase twin1 told me that twin2 had let father of BBJ stay overnight. This is strictly against the rules, never to mention my own rules that he is not allowed in my house.
I am currently at a loss as to how to go on from here. Last night I didnt feel that this was my home, that it would ever feel like my home, and I ddint really want to be here anymore.
But obviosuly I dont exactly have anywhere else to go.!! BF said I am paranoid at the moment, puts it down to the medication. Certainly feel I have lost the plot.
So Off I go for that bath. Relax the stresses away with a bit of radox. Then I suppose I better try and diary bash and get my head around what I need to do to achieve something. Even if it is draft a letter to the MP, the social and maybe the head of the local Sanitorium???

Savvy_sewing

While I was having my bath the Social Worker from last Tuesday came to see the girls. When I came down stairs she asked me if the Duty team had been intouch with me yet. I said that although there was a lot of conversations on that day, there hadnt been anything since.
It was obvious to her that the routine that they had tried to do with the girls had not worked. (Well sorry if I sound sarcastic but its no big surprise to me).
Funnily enough the twins had told her about allowing the Baby's father here when I was out,? She reiterated that it was not part of the social order etc. But will they listen?
I was still very much of an emotional wreck with the woman, and I tried to expain myself but I just burst into tears.
I have to gather my whits together and get ready for my physio soon. As I will have to go for a bus.
It appears that when the main Supervising social worker comes back off of her holidays that things will start to move then? That perhaps it has come to the crossroads that now, my family will have to be split up. As I am obviously not coping very well anymore. To tell the truth I am exhausted with it all at the moment. I really am not sure what I am going to do next.

Savvy_sewing

Have decided that I better not take the medication that was prescribed anymore, until I speak to the doctors again.! Really need to be able to think rationally, and to be clear about things. If I continue to be "woolly" I may make the wrong decisions, and that scares me.
I have to be back working tomorrow, and at the moment, feel that I am not going to be able if I carry on taking things that are not agreeing with me.
I will be off soon for the physio, (on the bus) and then I will bus it down to BF's for a cuppa with him, before I decide whats next to do with today. The social worker said if she were me she would do all the overtime she could!! Well that wont help things here, all it will do is delay it.!
DS is out this evening, and wont be home until tomorrow now. So its only the girls and the babies to think about for tea. Basic sausage and chips probably as I really am not feeling that gormet chef today.
Tomorrow is another day. Perhaps with no medicine tonight I will be back up to functioning tomorrow.
How can I manage to make the right decisions if I am under the influence of medicines that are sending me dolally tap??
Work have forwarded the letters necessary to send to the council so I will hopefully have the housing benefit sorted out in a few more days. I will drop them in at lunchtime tomorrow. I suppose the outcome of thier decission will also make a big impact in the decisions that we as a family make, becuase the bills etc will determine a new budget anyway.

~Chameleon~

I really feel for you Mooloo and have attemtped to reply to you several times over the last few days but I honestly don't know what to suggest for the best. I can see you're very much at the end of your tether and I'm very concerned about you as I fear you're rapidly approaching another breakdown

I just wish there was something I could do. If I lived closer to you I would come round and offer practical help. In the meantime all I can do is send you a virtual <<<HUG>>> and let you know I'm thinking of you and your family :A

SuziQ

Mooloo you have thrown everything you have-and more at this situation,and sometimes we have to accept it's not enough. There is no level playing field with your girls as they have learning difficulties? I don't remember reading what their actual 'problem' is. I just know-from being the mum of an autustic child-that all the strategies I have used on my older 2 children are wasted on him,he just doesn't react in the way I might expect and his behaviour is so variable-with no logic to it!

Wait and see what the senior says and take each day as it comes now. In many ways,it would be easier I'm sure if the choice/control was taken away from you for a while. I feel that the social services were less than honest with you about the monetary support you would recieve once you moved and this added to everything else is just too much for you.

Be kind to yourself for a few days,so many of us on this thread wish we could do something real to help you,but we are praying for you and care very much that the situation will improve very soon, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo before the Senior Social workers arrives back could you list/note down a load of points that were promised and never delivered? Its easy to forget alot of it once you talking and getting sidetracked. I assume from the fact you write diaries and you have this thread here that you will be able to find/remember enough information to prove your point?

Good luck with it, and if you want to come off the tablets could you ask to speak to your doctor on the phone tomorrow rather than an appointment to let them know you are coming off them and why just to sure you are safe just to stop them?

KM x

Savvy_Sue

I agree with KM, please try to at least phone the GP and discuss whether there are ways of mitigating the side effects, eg reducing the dose, taking them on alternate days, earlier in the day etc etc etc.