Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Re the Bankruptcy that is nearly over, at least I dont have any body chasing me etc. It was the 19th May 2007 so it should be over its first year now. I havent heard from the OR though, so I should I suppose chase them and see what is happening. Another thing to add to the list of todo's. Thats been sliding while I have felt so wretched.!!
The twins DLA ran out when they hit 18, I was "advised" when the rates were lowered in the last 2 years that they would not necessarily still go into our favour, as it was lowered from the middle rate to the lower rate. When that happened when they were 16 I lost the Carers Allowance as well. That was really when I went after the family pub. Which of course is the reason now why I became bankrupt.
So I am not confident of being able to get DLA for them, or carers allowances.
I am not sure what the best course of action is. Some days when I see the babies reach out for me, and smile, and now BGP is crawling into my room when ever she can, I feel that I would be wrong to let them be taken away, but I am aware that I cannot go on the way that I am.
When talking to the council man about the problems, he pointed out, that even if the Social Services picked up the difference and paid me the £300 more or so that it is costing me, that would be classed as income, and I would loose even more housing benefit.!! So by his calculations I might possibly be able to keep £45 of that! (at a rough calculation).
I did seek legal advise when I was working part time, but the solicitor said that I was no worse off???? I suppose I didnt have any bills from this year to prove the difference etc.
Paperwork being my downfall.

Yesterday the landlord rang the twins and told them that there was a problem with the rent, as it was late. He was warned it would be late when we got the letter suspending the payments when I told them of the change of circumstances. I was not in the mood to go around and explain it all last night. Luckily as I had been to the funeral I had gone in the car so I didnt get clobbered by him as I walked home from work. (as usually would do).

Perhaps now that the housing benefits etc have changed it is time to re ask the solicitors to investigate.
I would also like to find the strength to appeal to the learning disabilities team and ask them to re think thier findings.
I am still as I say in two minds as to whether I should be asking for them to be taken off into the "system" and found housing etc that is suitable for them, or whether or not to battle on.
As pointed out, I cannot do the job I do and the girls/babies. However I love my job, stressfull as it is, working for a charity is very satisfying. I am not ready to leave the job, as yet. I realise that I could probably find a job with less stress and maybe more money if I really search, but fear that my health will be an issue, not my abilities.
If I am to go onto the Benefit system, then it doesnt seem to make much difference they will still calculate that I am allowed the £129.23 a week to live on, and the rest will go into the housing.
So which ever way I look at things. That is what I will have to live on.
I will have to become a great MSE person like Hypno, and many others on here that struggle with the finances. I just cant go overdrawn, have a credit card to fall back on, or an overdraft when things get tight, etc etc.
I try to thank the lord, that I am still here. That I have the abilities to fight for the girls, and that I have the intelligence behind me, to be co-herent and push for what I need/should have.
Now I must go and make a cup of tea, and get ready to go for the area meeting. The Support Manager is coming to the house as I am driving her. I dont want her to actually come in and see the chaos that the girls have left in the main living/kitchen. So I also need to be a bit of a flylady in there.
(mm must read that thread again, was a long time ago when I was off sick that I used to loiter on there!!).

Savvy_sewing

Well I am back from Newbury, pretty exhausted. My arm/neck are telling me they have had enough now, as I didnt have my medications at lunchtime, and driving always takes it out of me.
Had been invited to an Ann Summers party with some of the volunteers tonight, but I really do not feel in the mood to go. I am tired, and I dont want to drive again.
I also dont think that now is the best time to go spending extra money when the bills will be rolling in soon.
I have had a bit of good luck though. Eon has read the meters so its an exact bill not an estimate, and the bill is £14. in Credit. Not a lot, and it means that I will not have been paying enough each month to cover for the winter, but I can at least start to adjust for them before they hit.
And see if I can do all the forward planning to make sure we have the radiatior reflectors, the lightbulbs etc etc put in now that pay day has arrived.
Cup of tea time.

Savvy_sewing

Twin2 has gone out to learn how to be a Ann Summers representative. I am not sure if the woman is the same one that is demonstrating at the party I was invited to, but I am not going. I am too tired anyway.
I have just bathed both the babies and twin1 helped me. They are both in bed and now I hope will be asleep in a few minutes. Twin1 and DS have gone across the road to talk to one of thier new friends. So I am babysitting by default.
BF is too tired for me to go over tonight, as he didnt get much sleep here last night. So I am at a relax in the dressing gown in the front room, with what ever I want on the TV and its not football!!!. (I bet thats what he is watching as its Man U!!). See my distrusting mind.
I am rested a little now, the stresses of the day are drifting off, and my brain is working out all the things that I have got to do in the shop after todays promotional drive. We are expected to have an uplift in our sales on Books, and Music, by 10% and then also they are expecting us to uplift the sales for our Accessories, i.e. handbags, shoes, belts etc, by a further £50 per shop. Per week.
No mean feat when you never know what is going to be donated, and they sent us out onto the high street to see what is the fashion at the moment. Ah hem, it is very rare that we are going to be donated the most up to date stock immediately its hit the high street.
It was go and get inspiration from shop window displays, from the meterage etc etc.
All well and good if you get the stock donated. Although in my shop we are stock rich, luckily, its not exactly like walking into a designer store!! I wish. Love to have a little boutique of my own one day...... We can all dream cant we.
The fact that I may have to actually give up my job and look after the grandchildren, meaning that I will never get out of the poverty trap.... is a very hard decision.....
But dont kill the dreams. Without dreams there is no drive to do anything.
My goals and dreams may have had to change many times over the years but I have always had them.

SuziQ

Mooloo you obviously love your job. My mum used to volunteer for Sense-which charity do you work for?

If the Twins were supported properly by the state you could probably do your job blind fold and with your hands tied behind your back,and I can see why you are reluctant to give it up.

Seaxwyn

I don't think you should give your job up either. It keeps you sane and is your route to working your way back out of poverty - you CAN have that boutique one day. And be a regular grandmother, who helps out with her grandchildren when she can but doesn't have responsibility for them day in day out.

It's obvious that the current situation is not working, practically, emotionally or financially. I agree with other posters who have suggested you look to move the girls out - whether to mother and baby unit, their own flats nearby or whatever else the social services can suggest.

Savvy_sewing

I work for the British Heart Foundation. When I was madebankrupt from the pub trade I was lost. I was walking passed the shop and they were looking for a manager. I thought that I would be able to do it, and walked home, wrote a CV and walked all the way back, (Which was then about 2 miles plus). I had the interview, didnt have a clue about Charity apart from the fact that I had been buying in them for 15 years!. I just had been on a business degree course in Northampton 3 years earlier so I just did a bit of a wing and a pray. I have learned fast, and I have managed to turn the shop around and increased its sales quite dramatically. But I doubt I will be able to keep it rising in this age of recession!.
Yes I work hard, but I enjoy it, and I am good at it, and I dont want to give it up, although I love my children and my grandchildren with a passion, I do believe that I should be able to have my life too. I constantly have fights in my head about should I be at home, should I go to work. I will not be worse off exactly, but I will be non the better off either. Unfortunately Charity doesnt pay much, as it wants all its money for its good causes. If I was in normal retail I would probably be able to get about 5k a year more! If not even higher depending on the store. But I love the charity work.
Tonight when I was bathing the babies I enjoyed it, and I thought again that I could look after the babies, its the mothers I am having trouble with.
Financially if the babies had been in my care, ie. I was the guardian, then I would be entitled to a lot more of the funds, but it would be less as a total to the house in Child benefit as the babies would be on the lower rate. But I havent worked it out exactly. I know that I would be able to get child care tax credits, and school vouchers or Child care help but then the mothers would have to be excluded? Perhaps they could go out to work. But they were never very good at keeping jobs, and Twin2 has already tried 3 jobs in the last few months, and in the year before the baby was born she had 3 or 4 but they never last as she is too slow. Or inaccurate.
So I have not made any moves, I was hoping as has been said, that the Social had helped the girls and I could have kept my job.
The other thing is that if I have the guardian ship of my grandchildren, then I will probably have to give up my relationship with my BF, or at least it would be severely limited.... The problem there is that I love him so much that I really would not like to loose him. No infact put it that way, It just does not compute in my mind. Life without him, just would be no life at all. It is bad enough that the circumstances between us mean we have to be apart. So the sacrifices to me seem a little bit too high.
I want my life, my job, my love, especially my love.

Seaxwyn

And you deserve to have those things. You have given it a good shot at looking after the babies and the mothers, it hasn't worked out, not through your fault but because it was an impossible task. So now you need to put yourself if not first, at least back on the list.

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo, it has just occurred to me that you might find the book mentioned here useful.

Savvy_sewing

Seaxwyn wrote: »

And you deserve to have those things. You have given it a good shot at looking after the babies and the mothers, it hasn't worked out, not through your fault but because it was an impossible task. So now you need to put yourself if not first, at least back on the list.

Reading that has brought tears to my eyes. I am not sure I deserve those things, just becuase I want them. As a mother I want the best for my children and my grand children. When they needed me, I tried to be there for them. In a lot of ways I am, but in a lot more, I do manage to have some life of my own.
I suppose I dont like failing. Over the last few years there has been too much of that, first my marriage to 2nd Hubby didnt last much passed a year, then the pub failed, then the children... I dont want to fail at the care, but I fear that I am going to do that.
The only thing I am not, so far, failing at is the shop. When I am there I feel the business woman, not the mum,. I feel inteligent, and a bit dynamic. Thats the image of me that I had in my head. But then the Mum bit gets in the way. Not that I regret my children at all. I just didnt expect to have to be in this situation.

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Mooloo, it has just occurred to me that you might find the book mentioned here useful.

Thanks for that. I have had a quick read, and written its details down. I have also signed up for the emails. It may be quite interesting for me.
I will let you know what it achieves!!