Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

DS woken again, now he is going to be late if he doesnt get a move on. Time to check the bank accounts and make sure nothings gone out i have forgotten about.
Catch you all another time. I must stay off of here I dont have the time!.

elona

Mooloo

If son wants expensive sandwiches then he pays for them - you can't afford it!

You can't afford emotionally or physically or monetarily to be in the position you have been put in by social services!

It is not right that you have the responsibility and work and worry but not the support, the money, the resources or the power!

TPTTB cannot have it both ways - either the twins are competent or they are not.

If the latter then they should get help as you can't be breadwinner, mother, granny, and acting mother to two babies.

If you were not there then I bet there would be a proper plan and money put forward.

You are saving them a fortune and it is not right that you have all the weight of it on your shoulders.

Kimitatsu

Hiya Mooloo

I have caught up on the last few days now - gosh you have been busy!!

Good to see that something is starting to be done - even if it is gradual :T

Can DS not get a bus pass from the council? If they live more than 3 miles from the school then they are entitled to free transport and the council will provide him with a free bus pass, all you need to do is apply for one. You can usually find the forms on the county councils website under school transport.

As for Twin2 there is a case that if she has not paid for anything, then this is credit being extended to her and it is not being regulated by the Consumer Credit Act. This in itself makes it an illegal contract, and so she should not have to pay for it. If they quibble at that one then point out that they are loaning money to a young girl who has mental difficulties which again is suspect at best with the new FSA rulings coming out.

As for the DWP, the mind boggles!!! If the money was paid to your daughter then it is not up to you to pay it back. They can deduct it directly from her benefits (which would be better for all of you as the amount will be minimal) rather than asking you for the overpayment. You may need to get Twin1 to call the DWP and then authorise you to discuss matters on her behalf, or she could do that with the help of SS as they can be authorised just as easily.

Keep your chin up Mooloo you are doing a brilliant job :A

Savvy_sewing

Not been on for a couple of days. Doubt I should be on now, as I have to go to work, and got up late. Things have been a nightmare here, and problems with DS have come to light. He has been arrested along with one of his mates and I spent the day at the police station yesterday. Social Services bit late then on getting him a mentor and trying to help him. Am I surprised. Yes that he would get into trouble. No that he has been able to get into trouble, becuase I have been so tied up with the girls. No that it was too late for Social Services to help.
Twin2 got the sharpe edge of my tongue with all the chaos, and I told her that if it wasnt for her and her sister and my life being twin this and twins that, I would have noticed that DS was struggling with the wrong peer group, and am not proud of myself. I feel I have let the whole lot of them down. By the time I got home last night, Twin2 has arranged for BBJ to go to his other grandparents overnight tonight, and then she has arranged to go and stay with one of her new friends from the Ann Summers parties. And just to add to the chaos of the day, by Eldest of Mooloo's BF was envolved in a car crash over the night, and he and 3 of his mates are pretty ill in MK hospital. It was too late for me to go to the hospital last night, and I have to open the bhf shop this morning, as I cant find any cover to open it. Luckily another manager that had been helping cover my day off earlier in the week still had a key to the shop to cover yesterday.
I really didnt want to post up about DS, but then I feel that if I dont then the thread would not be true to the problems that I am having, and as things with twin2 has kicked off, the thread would be disjointed and nobody would understand what it is I really am going through, and trying to have fought not to have been happening.
I told twin2 to go, in the arguement early yesterday morning, and I wish I hadnt. Well not like that. I have been asking in a way for them to go. But I wanted them to be organised, able to cope, and safe. Most importantly safe. But now the jerk knee effect has just caused chaos. DS's father was informed, and he had a go at me for not looking after DS properly.
When DS was talking to the Solicitor yesterday in the interminable waiting game, he mentioned that the problems with him, started when we left the Pub in Derby, and came here. His exact words were, "when my Dad didnt want me, things got bad". My heart has gone out to him in one way, and I wanted to shout at him and smack him in the other!! It was the worst day of my life, so far.
I have to contact a lot of people over the next few days. I have to see if I can salvedge anything with twin2. I have to live. I have to be able to get to the hospital in MK as soon as possible. But today, I have to go to work. I really cannot be bothered to find a suit, and a blouse. I couldnt give a fig what the uniform look is. I am going in in Jeans, and they can lump it.
Now I am going to have a shower. See if I can find any make up here to cover the circles under my eyes, (Mostly my make up is at BF's as I dont tend to wear it unless its a special day). Not that today is special. Today is day 2 of the "exist" day.
BF was on the other end of the texts, and phone for me all yesterday, and I managed to talk on the phone until quite late yesterday. I had wanted a big hug, but it will have to wait.Unfortunately. This time, I cannot excape to his house. Think thats the problem. I have not been here when perhaps I should have been. Oh I dont know, I just know I blame myself for not seeing all this coming. I Used to think we were a normal family. Yesterday I sat around waiting, thinking how did we become so dysfunctional!!!?????
Got to go, got 30 minutes to get showered, dressed and out of here.

elona

Just wanted to send you a quick hug.

Doing work that social services should have been doing for two people (four if you count the babies) as well as a job as well as doing everything in the house would be too much for anyone.

When you are dealing with non stop crisis day after day you cannot pick up on anything that "might be brewing" - no one could!

Savvy_Sue

mooloo please don't think that it's too late for your son. This may well get a few rear ends into gear at SS and at school. He needs someone to talk to, someone to listen to him. As do you ...

Nothing else to add to what other people have said!

Js_Other_Half

<hugs>

I hope today is better than yesterday. Don't blame yourself - when you are in coping mode, it's impossible to see the wood for the trees.

Kimitatsu

Mooloo

Please dont be so hard on yourself. Boys of that age tend to get into scapes however much attnetion they have at home - its a case of the ego writing cheques that the body cant cash!

DS is obviously feeling hurt and confused and IF SS had given you the respite that they had promised then you may have seen that earlier but dont count on it because boys can be funny like that. Sometimes they get into trouble as a cry for help because they dont know how to verbalise their feelings. DS's father has absolutely no reason to have a go at you, if he has issues with it then he should have made the effort to see DS more than he has, and then maybe DS wouldnt feel the way he does. Get that one straight right now, you are doing a fantastic job under massive pressure.

As for Twin1 and Twin2, we all say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment BUT maybe the shock will spur them into doing something to help a little more. Its very easy to let Mum do it all, and not worry about it because they are ultimately safe there. I know you will sit them down and explain to them that you love them and always will but you need them to help more because otherwise it is having a detrimental affect on others - both you and DS. They are both big enough to understand that Mooloo, even if it takes a bit more explaining than that.

Biggest of Mooloo's BF is in the best place if he is in the hospital, there is very little you can do for him apart from pop in and let him know you are thinking of him. If they need you then it will be when he comes out, so let someone else take the strain of that one for now.

You have let none of them down Mooloo, not in any way, you are a brilliant Mum, and it is the system which has let YOU down. SS should have given you more support, DS's school should have vocalised any concerns they had some time ago, DS's father should have been around more, Twins are able to help out more when they choose to, its a matter of getting them motivated.

Take care of yourself, and remember we are all here as a sounding board if you need to get if off your chest

xx

SuziQ

Oh Mooloo have just caught up as I have had no internet since Tues. I agree with the others-ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR DS! My first ex husband got into trouble at his age following hassle with his dad (see-Dads can be blamed too!) and he was given a warning at the Police station plus a severe ticking off down there. He reckons it was the best thing that ever happened to him,as it made him really think about the consequences of his actions. They told him what effect having a criminal record could have on his life and it made him rein in his bad behaviour. In some ways it will expedite the support structure as well,so lets all pray that this is just a timely prod to everyone to tackle DS's needs asap.

Biggest*of*Mooloos

Hey xxx Dont worry about us xx All 4 of them are ok xxx Just want to make sure you dont worry two much x will let you know any updates and please dont try and cram coming up here in - he's not going anywhere fast so plenty of time to see him ok xxx l.u.l xxxx if i was only round the corner you know i would have DS here xxx Keep ur chin up weve been through loads - nothing can stop us lol!!!