Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

FROSTYFRECKLE

Hi Mooloo, I'm still lurking around reading your thread usually all I can do is offer sympathy - married, no kids, how can give advice about children? However, I offer a bit of advice re anti-depressants. Hubby has been on a variety of them, thankfully not anymore. With every one of the anti-depressants the dosage is slowly built up over a fortnight and the withdrawl is over a fortnight as well. Please, please, please speak to your GP before just stopping the pills. I know the side effects can be worse than the depression, yes the woollie(SP?) head, balance problems, feeling sick constantly, itchy skin. The anti-depressants were my hubbies savings grace. Best wishes.

Errata

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Mooloo before the Senior Social workers arrives back could you list/note down a load of points that were promised and never delivered? Its easy to forget alot of it once you talking and getting sidetracked. I assume from the fact you write diaries and you have this thread here that you will be able to find/remember enough information to prove your point?

What can be helpful is to make a note during the meeting(s) of what was agreed - bullet points would be sufficient, and then write immediately to whoever it was the meeting was with along the lines of "We discussed and agreed that x y and z would happen on/by. Please reply to this letter immediately and tell me if I have misunderstood what we agreed". This gives a paper trail of what was discussed and agreed and also serves as a memory aid. HTH

Savvy_sewing

Errata wrote: »

What can be helpful is to make a note during the meeting(s) of what was agreed - bullet points would be sufficient, and then write immediately to whoever it was the meeting was with along the lines of "We discussed and agreed that x y and z would happen on/by. Please reply to this letter immediately and tell me if I have misunderstood what we agreed". This gives a paper trail of what was discussed and agreed and also serves as a memory aid. HTH

Hello, Errata, this is exactly what my boyfriend told me to do. I tried the last time, and wrote things down. When we have meetings I do tend to write notes on the back of the minutes from the previous meetings.
However my "filing" system is a bit hit and miss, so some of it is a bit scattered.
I didnt take the medicine, it was a solution formula already reduced to 2.5ml of a 10mg/5ml dose. But it gave me halucinations and paranoia. So although you all say come down off the medicine, I only took 2 doses. So I am not dependant on them, and I really dont think that they helped me at all. I could not drive, so we have not much food left in the house, as I was not fit to shop.
I couldnt organise anything, and the bank holiday weekend was a write off for me.
Today in a few minutes I have got to be back at work, with a major shop change around, a stock take, and a new delivery. I have a funereal of one of the volunteers tomorrow morning, (If I can make it), and a meeting with the Area, and all shop managers in Newbury on Friday. I need to be able to drive the car for then.
So I have to function normally.
I will telephone the surgery and ask them to put a note on the file that I had these reactions to the medicne.
This evening, I may forgoe my trip to BF for the evening, and make an effort to sort out the paperwork, and to make life a bit easier.
Now I have to toddle off to work. Not that i feel like it, but I am sure that I will get into it once I get there.
Thank you all for your help, concern and practical advise. I will take it all on board. I will get sorted out.
I aim not to have another breakdown!. Hence I shouted for help. Perhaps after the kids go back to school, and the assistant Manager is back off of her holiday, I will ask head office for a week off, if I have enough holiday left, and I can then deal with all the official things that are still outstanding by then.
My biggest fear is of course the rent.
Today I will drop off the letters they are asking for from the BHF and from Tax Credits. As I walk passed my landlord today, I expect him to ask why the rent has not been paid from Housing Benefit yet.
I will make sure I pay him off as soon as I can. That is my biggest worry, having enough to pay him, then the electric as the meter was read last week.
Now I must go to work or I will not make it in time for opening up the shop.

jackielesley

mooloo - I am fairly new to posting but I have followed your story and felt great sympathy for the situation you find yourself in.

Social services have let you down dreadfully. Have you tried to get help from any charities for your girls? Just an idea.

People like you save the taxpayer millions and yet they still feel it is OK to treat you and yours so shabbily. I feel very angry on your behalf.

Jackie

Savvy_sewing

Whether it was the withdrawal from my medication (as I didnt take any of my normal tablets on Monday and Tuesday either), or whether it was the fact that the assistant manager hadnt done jobs that she should of, but I was stressed to the limits yesterday.
I cried at work, had to run off of the shop floor at one stage, as I burst into tears. It was lunchtime. By then I had had one phone call off of one of the twins about what to get for the shopping, (List and money on Fridge door), then another to say that her sister was on the laptop and not doing any of her jobs...on list ...provided by the social services lady 2). Then a little while later, a call from twin2, Where are the safety pins? I asked why, and it was "Well we have run out of Nappies, and Sam had said that I wouldnt buy them anymore, ". She was going to try to use the old nappies I had brought home to use as towels, mop ups.!! I am afraid I just lost the plot with her. As I found out the night before that not only had she opened the other bank account and got the Benefits etc transfered into that account, but she had already arranged and used a £100 overdraft. She has bought things to be able to sell Ann Summers.!! She went to a party a few weeks ago and has been persuaded she could be a representative. I fear the cost of what she needed out rid the cost of buying the essentials for her baby.!! I am so angry, as I do not have the power of attorney over her finances etc and she is just wasting money, and I have to pick up the pieces!.
I suppose exhaustion, stress, frustration, it just got to me.
Again I rang the Social services and let rip. The first call got an answer machine, and I said something about its OK to make pretty charts and lists, but its is not practical, as they are not following it, I want real help, and I want it now, before I become totally suicidal!!!
Then I rang again, after the 2nd call and said to someone who finally answered that I want action TODAY. That the girls need care, and I cannot do it, and that they are driving me to the end of my tether.!!!
I got a tentative call back from the lady that had visited on Tuesday, saying she has passed my information on to the Duty team and that they would ring me back!!
Hello, I am still waiting.
That is twice I have shouted for help this last week and they have not got back to me.
I was too tired last night to do anything, and retired to my bedroom at 7pm. Then turned out the lights at 9pm. !
I have a funeral to go to in a few minutes. 9.15 Funeral, its so early. One of my volunteers died a few weeks ago, and he was in JR hospital at the time. Got meningitis and other complecations... He was my book man in my last shop. So I and the new manager along with the Support manager are going along.
So I have set my alarm for me to leave in a few minutes.
Then the support Manager is going to come back to my shop with me, and we are going to re-do the stock take, assistant messed up, and she is going to be able to help me one day next week, so I get a day off, with the assistant having a weeks holiday.
I am still waiting for the Council to sort out my new rent payments, and getting very worried now as to what they will eventually be, and how much I will have to catch up on, in the back log.
There is the alarm, off I go, (all I want to do is hide under the duvet and go nowhere!).

SuziQ

This is making me so angry for you. I shouldn't be surprised though as in all the years I worked with social services they always waited until crisis point before they acted -you have already indicated you have reached that point-HELLO SOCIAL SERVICES OXFORD- are they waiting for one of the babies to get hurt or for you to end up in the local psychiatric unit before they act?

You need to start looking for a smaller property for you and your son and relinquish responsibility of the twins to the state. Ideally the council should rehouse you,as you only took this larger house on the understanding that the support would not render you worse off -which has clearly not happened either.
I am GLAD you cried at work etc-no good bottling it up,let it out and stand back and let social services take the slack. I am so sorry that you had to go to a funeral today,however I do funerals very levelling and I always come out of one resolute to slve some problem or other!

We are all praying for you here Mooloo,things can only get better!

Savvy_sewing

Well the funeral was quite touching, and sad. After it was back to work. That was a bit of a bad day. The assistant was on the till as the till lady rang in to say she wasnt coming, and we were already without till cover for the afternoon.
After plenty of phoning around, we managed to get a lady from the Oxford Shop to come in, and take over the till. Then I had 2 new people start today. So I was continually pulled in every direction trying to show people what to do. But that is good in the long run as it means I will hopefully retain them, and have some volunteers for the future.:T
Only one call from a twin today, asking if she could buy a bottle of water with the shopping money as she needed a drink. (Well I can cope with 49p bottle of water!).:rolleyes:
At my lunch break, I escaped to the council office, and for once luck was on my side and I was able to see someone without an appointment as somebody hadnt turned up. The bad news is that becuase I went back to work full time, and my wages went up by about £450 a month, it means that my housing benefit has been overpaid,approx £700 and that I will now have to pay back the last 3 months overpayments, and at the same time I will have to start to pay DOUBLE THE RENT and pay £600 a month Starting on the 1st of September.:eek: :eek:
This means that things are going to get even tighter.The holiday that is booked for October is going to be pretty frugal, I am going to have to cook every day now, as meals out will not be an option for my son and I, unless a miracle comes along. I also think that I will have to let my timeshare go, as the fees have trebled in the last few years and are now nearly £1,000. We can get some cheaper holidays for a lot less money than that, and not be tied down to the same place, or to the RCI exchange system. A frank conversation is needed with all of the family. (not that the twins will give a flying fig, or understand what money means, or the lack of it!).
I loose the council tax benefit completely and so I will be having to pay that in full too.!!
The next few months are beginning to look very bleak.
The man at the council was very nice, and appologetic, he even gave me a rough idea of what I would be entitled to if it was just DS and I.--Not a lot really. I am expected to live off of £129.23. (which is probably standard all across the country for a single mum with 1 child. ). Problem is although they will allow for the house they do not allow financially for the cost of the twins and thier babies.
The bills for a 6 roomed house, is not going to be small like a 2 bed flat!!.

I had sent a text message to the Social Worker that told me someone would get back to me telling her that nobody did.:mad: She replied this afternoon saying that "Can only say sorry no one got back to you. I did leave them a message with your work no."
As nothing has been heard from them again today, I sent her another text message tonight saying.... Nobody contacted me again today either.:mad:
Tomorrow I am at a meeting in Newbury, I leave here at 8.30 in the morning. So they will not be open before I go. If they do phone tomorrow I wont be there now.
I cannot get time off of work for the next week, which is a shame as BF also has the time off, but with the help of the regional support manager and a lot of new volunteers I should have enough staff for the job to be less stressful at least.
Problem is that I am working extreemly hard, and an extreemly stressful job, for 15p in the £1 that I actually earn. (Or so the council man said, "you will be 15p in the £1 better off going back to work then staying on benefits, but that doesnt take into account the costings of the twins of course. When they are 25 I will also loose £7.40 a week EACH off of the benefits that I do get at the moment.). I thought that that was so nice of him to warn me what was to come.
When I was living in the flat with my son, my rent was £67.57 a week. I could pay that without any benefits, and all my money was ours. The flat didnt cost me so much to run. Now I have to Pay DOUBLE that a week. £135.48 is the amount I am to pay weekly towards my rent here. So please tell me, how the Social Services think I am not going to be worse off! My wage is exactly the same as it was before I went off sick in September last year, as the shop is in a lower wage bracket I havent had a wage rise in 2 years.!!
Now I will have to go and get the dinner finished or we wont eat tonight.

Savvy_sewing

I will try again.
Tried to post and it disapeared!.
BF coming over tonight, so I am off to makesure I am ready for his arrival. I will worry about work and the twins another day.! (Well Ok maybe in a bit, ). Have a good evening everyone. I hope I will get to relax. Night.

Kimitatsu

Mooloo

I have been a long term lurker on your threads and I take my hat off to you - you are a fantastic mum!

However my concern is that you cannot be Supermum for ever and my worry is that you will become so stressed out that it will affect your health and then you will be no good to anyone.

Can I suggest you go down to your local CAB and ask for a "better off calculation" they will look at what you earn now, and what benefits you are entitled to and then will run you through differing scenarios, such as you going onto IB, moving house etc etc. At least that way it will give you all of the options and may stop the continual worry of the "what if" scenarios.

I would also ask them to refer you to their debt team as they will look into the bankruptcy order for you - I know its just another thing but if someone else is taking it off you for a while then it is something that you dont need to be worrying about for now at least. They can also negotiate with the HB team and possibly reduce your OP payments for now.

Please please take care of yourself, I know your twins need you, but they will be taken care of, your son needs you too and he needs you to be there for him as well. You can only give to others if you have looked after yourself and have something to give.

Take care xx

SuziQ

I would seriously consider leaving your job,if you are not going to hand the twins over to the care system. The stress you are uder is dreadful-the twins and their babies are in themselves a full time job and the state should be paying you to look after them.


Are they in receipt of DLA/can you apply for carers allowance for them?

ETS I see you used to get DLA for them-worth reapplying? No one could argue they don't need care! You could then apply for a single carers allowance for them.