Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Re working Part time. I did do that at the beginning when I started in the shop, but the company were not keen on it. BF did talk about me trying for another job, but with my health as it is, I am wary of leaving work and starting another job incase I am worse health wise.
Re carers allowance, I used to get that once, but the girls need to be on DLA at the higher or middle rate, and they are not on any. I can only then get it for one of them not for both. (previously claimed when they were on DLA).
At the rate I am going I reckon someone will be claiming Carers for me soon!! If I havent gone out the door feet first in a cardboard box!!

Savvy_sewing

Right cant type anymore my arm is screaming at me to stop so I will say goodnight, thanks for the ideas, and I will work my way through all the options and see what I come up with. I
I think that if my arm is this bad in the morning I will be calling off work for a day. So I better rest now. Goodnight.x

Keeping_Motivated

So what happened with the twins before the moved back in with you? how did the cope? If you had not taken them in what were the social services going to do to with them?

What assessments have they ACTUALLY had done in that 9 months that should have only been 6?

SuziQ

Mooloo I have spent several hours reading your thread since yesterday tea-time,and don't know whether to cheer or cry! You truly are a marvel-selfless,determined and stoic.
I was a Health Visitor for 20 years and I'm afraid I saw a lot of mums like your twins. I also saw a lot of situations where Social services either promised the earth and failed to deliver (getting the family to solve their lack of community care issues),or where they swung between 'horror' at the apparent neglect of the children followed by playing it down when they realised they had no solution.

I never saw a mum like you though-and that is the truth.

Your girls are lazy and are relying on you to sort everything. I saw a lot of girls with quite severe LD who would finally admit that they had been playing up their situation as they 'couldn't be bothered'. Your description of them lying in bed whilst their babies banged their bottles on their cots-simply is not good for those babies,as eventually they realise there's no point in crying or trying to attract attention.They become silent and watchful.
Your girls need a shock-the prospect of losing their babies,however much you don't want to see that happen.
An assessment in m&B unit really does sort the copers fom the incapable,and tbh if they are not capable of looking after their babies without someone telling them what to do all the time they are not fit mothers-are you prepared to still be in this situation in 2,3 or more years time,possibly by then with more grandchildren to worry about?
It's hard but you need to allow them both to be properly assessed in a m&B unit asap. If they are just lazy,then that will never change whilst supermum keeps bailing them out.They may learn to get on with it there-if they are capble and hve enough empathy to understand their child's needs. (I say this as they seem so unaware/uncaring re your massive pain and health issues.)
I have seen several children taken into care in this situation-often because whoever was living with the mum has become ill and is no longer around to keep cajoling. As well as your girls taking the mick,I also think that SS will never get their act together as they are leaving it with you.Have you ever asked them exactly what would happen if you were too sick to carry on with this?
As for the blatent lies you were told about your rent-I really could weep for you!

Your DS must be so sick of everything that is going on too. What time do you really have to devote to him and his problems? He is still very much a minor but is getting lost in all the drama over the twins-I'm not criticising you,I can see that you are absolutely exhausted by all these demands.

Something has to change-and quickly,before you have a nervous breakdown!

Savvy_sewing

I had a nervouse breakdown or mental/physical collapse way back in 1995 when I was about to loose my home, and had all the children to bring up on my own. My parents would help out once a week so I could go shopping. I ended up waking up with a live in nanny, as I had broken down on one of my pupils (teaching to sew), and friend. She got the doctor, and arranged the Nanny. But once the house was lost, I was unable to keep my business running, and had to retrain while bringing the kids up in a two bedroomed house, and I seem to have continually been on the move with them eversince.
When the girls left home, they went into Housing for the under 25,s in hostels, one in Derby the other one here in Oxford. Neither of them coped. They lived in just as much squallor, and no matter howmuch the workers tried to get them to sort things out, it was basically the same. Hence when they both got pregnant the hostels sent them home. One in June the other in December.
The assessments seem to be more observations. I have not seen any results. The only thing I get is the odd letter from the social services warning them that they are not happy about this or that.
I have come home today to them all out, and the place is trashed and I mean trashed. I am horrified. I am in tears and at the end of my tether. Now I wish that I had not gone to Work, as I am exhausted and the mess is going to have to stay until they get home. (Which is unfortunately going to be late as one went to Wallingford and the other to friends for tea as its one of thems birthday. (the friend not the twins obviously.). DS came back with me yesterday and camped in the garden last night, but has gone to his friends, and is not due back until tomorrw.
He does find it hard and was angry as the twins had been in his room and used his stuff, and taken his stereo while he was away.
I cannot begin to describe the mess I have come back to. I dont ever remember any of our homes ever being quite so bad? and thats saying something.
I have taken pictures of all of the rooms they have trashed, and I am going to down load them and print a few to prove to Social that if I was not here what would happen.!!
I think that the Social worker is due back off of her holiday tomorrow. She is going to get a call at 9am.
As you can tell, I am tired, angry and at the end of the tether. I do not intend to have another breakdown.!!! I need to think of me now, I have decided that I will be pressing harder for them to do something.

SuziQ

Mooloo I wish I lived closer as I would love to help you-I have never come across anyone more deserving of help and support.My house is currently a mess-a combination of me,like you being in pain and not feeling up to tackling it and the fact my ex till has loads of thing and papers strewn everywhere. Perhaps we should swap gruesome photos by email and have a laugh at someone elses mess!

I know from your previous posts you will pull yourelf up from your current low,but I really hope they see this time that the current situation simply cannot go on.

SuziQ

Forgot to say,sounds like your son could do with a lock on his bedroom door-you too,for that matter!Gosh I am so frustrated that I can't help you!

Savvy_sewing

Thats a lovely thought. Thanks for that.
Yes I am low today, have been for a week or so now. Actually no probably a lot longer.
Yes DS probably does need a lock too.
If you saw the mess on the photos I think you would rebel in horror. I am not sure how they can have made such a mess in just a few days. I hadnt noticed the bedrooms until this morning, and told them to do them, but as I was out at work when they went out, I cant do anything about them until they get back.
The sittingroom, well I dont understand it as it was not that bad when I went to work, it wasnt brilliant but it was reasonable!!
I have decided that I am going to the local chippy for some chips for me, and am going to burry myself into my room. Hopefully tomorrow I will have a bit of energy to stand over them and make them do it. !! I am determind that I will show Social the pictures I have just taken. Surely they will listen to me then!!

Savvy_sewing

Agh I now have the evidence on the computer of the mess that the place was left in. I was about to clear it up, but have decided to leave it (even though its it killing me) until they come home and then go mad at them. Sorry but I am not sure I can keep my temper on this lot. Its a good job I cant post the pictures on here or you would all be shocked, (and I would die of embarassment).

Savvy_sewing

I went to the local takeaway and bought my own dinner. Nobody home yet, so they have the babies out late. Gone from one extreme to the other, not going out, and now not coming back at a reasonable time.
I dont suppose that I should be spending on a takeaway but I had had enough, and there was no way I could make my own dinner without clearing up their mess. I tiptoed over it all to get a plate and when I had finished I rinsed it. That will have to do today, or I will do thier clearning up. I shall be hiding in my little room, and I will ignore it all until they are back, and the babies are in bed. Then I will tell them as calmly as I can, that they are out of order. I will tell them that I have the evidence on the camera, and that I will be taking it to show the Social Worker who oversees them. That from now on they will be at the mercy of the social as I have had enough. (See if that will frighten them?)
Tomorrow as I have said, I have booked the day off. I will be making sure that they get up when I hear the babies, and I will be standing over them while they do the jobs. I dont mind helping when they cant do something, but they all know how to tidy up thier mess. (indeed as I am always saying dont do it in the first place.!). So much for the social worker giving them a routine on the pin board. HA.
Now I am going to have a small glass of wine, courtesey of my parents, and I am going to watch New Tricks on the TV in 15 minutes, then I will go to bed ready for the battles to commence tomorrow.