Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Seaxwyn

Mooloo, it's obvious things are very hard for you and you are doing an amazing job keeping the family together and supporting the girls. But it's wearing you into the ground, physically and financially. I suspect many others would have given up long ago. Perhaps you give such an impression of coping that the social services really don't see how bad things are. Have you really spelt it out to them that you are constantly bailing the girls out, wiping faces etc etc.

I would be surprised if they took the babies away as the girls obviously love them and want to care for them. I don't know anything about it but a M&B unit does sound good in that there would be someone there specifically observing whether or not they manage to look after the babies.

Savvy_sewing

I have told the social worker that was assigned to twin2 when her baby was born. I dont actually like the woman, but I have always been honest with her, and up front about what is going on. I have spelt it out at the meetings and on her last case notes she did mention that I was "tired of trying to encourage them to keep on top of the situation" That was her one and only reference to my outburst of exhuastion and emotional tears at the time.
I think its time to be a lot more proactive, and I wish I did have a bit of time off of work to be able to do it. I am usually just too tired to do anything when I get back from work. BF has said that perhaps my going to his so often is too much, and tht if I was to stay here more I might manage to get things done. But then that means I sacrifice the me time that I get by being with him. When I go to him over the weekend, I manage to recharge my batteries and relax and that to me, is what I thought was keeping me going.
The selfish part of me, I want to be able to keep that time. But is he right, should I be here more? Would I manage to get things sorted, or would I just be the one doing it all, and then it would look as if they were coping better?
I have a lot of brain storming and research to do, to see what is available, where its available, and maybe get that solicitor on my side, not just one for the daughter/re her ex BF. (He turned up here in the pouring rain last night with a bunch of flowers? But he was not let in. I will not have him in the house. I did feel a little guilty at the rain, but as he was not expected, we were eating and I just dont like him, I didnt give in. ).
Better go and get dressed or I will be a sight at the doctors!.

Savvy_sewing

Right I am off to the doctors. Then work. Then social meeting at 2pm. Then work, then...... collapse. Pity I dont have any wine in the house I might need it.

elona

Honey

You cannot carry everyone's load for them. You will break down completely if you do not get a break.

Have you thought of contacting your M.P. and explaining that your two DDs are not being given the help, advice and supervision that they need and that the only support is you.

Social services are using you as an "enabler" to hide the fact that DDs are not really able to cope without help and to save them some money and effort.

They have put you in a "catch 22" where you are damned wether you do or wether you don't.

You are doing fantastically well and tell your job that you deserve a pay rise !

You need some time with your BF or you will burn out completely as you are too nice for your own good.

webbie

Hi

I have recently found this thread and have read it over a couple of days. I just wanted to say I think you are doing a great job with so much on your plate - and think it's great that you find the time to write this thread - I'm sure it helps to "talk" to others outside your situation and think the days through.

P.s. - keep all your diaries - I bet you could write a life experiences book one day and make your fortune!!

Hardup_Hester

Hi Mooloo
I spent all morning reading your thread from the beginning & just wanted to say, well done, you are doing a fantastic job.
Hester

Savvy_sewing

Thanks Hardup Hester, hope it didnt take you too long to read.!
I think it was more of a therapy that I started to write in here, as well as my own diaries. Of which there are vast amounts hidden around the place.I started writing them in around1991 or 2 I think. I am probably on the 50th or more by now. I used to number them once, but some how with all the moving etc I just grab a note book and start writing. I find it helps me sort myself out, and pull my self up by the boot straps, as my granny used to say.

Yeserday I went to the doctors and asked about DLA and told him how I am at the moment. He said that I wasnt bad enough for DLA but that I should be on incapacity benefits. (If I give up work). Currently I dont want to give up work.
He also said in his exact words "I think you are a hero". For looking after the family and working still etc etc.
He has put me on Anti-depressants, just a mild dose. 25mg at night, but I took the first one last night, and slept all night. Struggled to wake up with a late alarm for me at 7am.
So running behind even more today. But at least I slept all night. A first in many a year!
The social workers introduced another lady yesterday afternoon. She is going to come 2 times a week, on a Wednesday and a FRiday, and try to get the girls into a working routine, as set by the first social worker, who will be coming on Mondays or Tuesdays for an hour. To oversee how things are going. I am afraid that I was struggling to fight off the tears when I was trying to explain to her what was needed, and how I have tried to implement these routines for years, and failed dismally. The twins just sat quite passively, and I am not really sure they were even listening.
When I got back to work the place was desserted, only the assistant manager and the man that carries were about. I managed to do the paperwork, and then the rag man came, just before we were closing. So it was a later leave the shop than normal.
I still had to cook the dinner, and I am not sure how it was so late, but it was 9 before we even ate. So I ate and went to bed. !
Exhausted day. Emotionally and physically.
Looking at the time, its time I was at work! Oops better walk faster today.

Savvy_sewing

webbie wrote: »

Hi

I have recently found this thread and have read it over a couple of days. I just wanted to say I think you are doing a great job with so much on your plate - and think it's great that you find the time to write this thread - I'm sure it helps to "talk" to others outside your situation and think the days through.

P.s. - keep all your diaries - I bet you could write a life experiences book one day and make your fortune!!

Heaven forbid if my diaries got out, I would be in the mad house for sure!

Savvy_sewing

Not sure I can take the anti depressants. Yesterday I struggled in the morning, took the car for its MOT and had to come home. Slept all through the afternoon, the evening, and most of the night. Woke a lot, fell asleep very quickly. I cant take those, as I cant be sleeping all the time. I have a job and a family to look after. Will have to come up with something else to help me.
Still feel disorientated this morning, and struggling around. Got to go to work as its the assistants day off. So I will try and catch up later.
Havent seen BF since Sunday. Seems weeks ago!!! But I just havent been well enough to go over to him.
Had hoped that he would come to see me, but I was asleep yesterdy so he didnt. I dont think he understands that I would love to see him, even if it was for half an hour, just a cuddle would help!. I know he thinks that leaving me in peace is best, but to me, I just feel as if he doesnt want to get envolved when I am not well,? As I am so insecure about us it puts the fear in me, that when the going gets tough, he will not be around?
Stupid probably, just the way I feel inside, if you get what I mean.
Ah well off to work. Will not be at full pace today!!
Got tomorrow off. Got to go and collect my son, if my car is ready. It failed the MOT yesterday. More expense I cant really afford.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Mooloo have you thought about taking a natural anti depressant instead? St Johns Wort is very good and I doubt you will have the same side effects. I have a depressed relative who swears by these and cannot believe the difference.

As for your BF you're not being stupid, we all insecurities in relationships sometimes and I know that when the going gets a little tough for me I would want to see my partner more not less or I too would feel a little vulnerable. Its the bad times when we need them the most.

Take care
KM x