Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Dazi wrote: »

Hiya

Have not posted on your diary for ages, but am still reading. I am just so amazed at how you cope, and don't say you arn't coping, cos can read in your thread that you can. xxxx

Good that your shop did well in its audit.

Re: your twins, I think that you are coping soooo well, I have to say, I do not think you are getting the help that you should be getting. If social worker has sorted out a rota, can they not come round to make them stick to it? After all, if you put your hands up and said 'noooooo more' would it not cost social services more to sort it out?? I can understand that they are your children and grandchildren, but you cannot take this all, you need some Mooloo time.

(((hugs))) for you xx

Oh I think I do get plenty Mooloo time really. Cos I switch off when I go to the BF and I go there 2 or 3 times a week nowadays.! Sometimes i worry that I have taken too much time out and that is why things are so hard here at home.
If I did say "no more" to the social they would have to find services for the twins and their babies but would they find things too late, and would it be a risk that they might not be able to keep the babies. ? I am not sure that I would be able to live with myself if I gave up on them, and they got seperated from the babies and or sent away to other towns where there is a mother and baby unit.
Perhaps I should go and see what the facilities are? I dont know.
I have so many ups and downs, perhaps I should see the doctor about depression for all of Us!!!

Savvy_sewing

Well I was hoping for a better night, but I didnt sleep well, and the morning hasnt gone to plan at all.
I had to tell twin1 to go to bed at 12.45am as I couldnt sleep with the telli and her talking. House guest seems to have slipped back in while I was at BF's for the weekend. I thought she was supposed to have left last night, but when I wanted to hang out the washing this morning she is again asleep in the baby room, and it looks suspiciously like her BF is here too!. So I am in a foul mood. I cant get my clean clothes out of there, and I cant hang the washing out on the line as thats the access to the garden.
Both babies were banging bottles on the cots for ages this morning, and in the end I had to yell to get the mums to get up.! So stressed before I even start the day.
Now i am running behind my new routine already.
So back to work now. Hopefully I will get back on track through the course of the day. Gym session with the physio today at 3pm. Yuk..

Savvy_Sue

Sorry mooloo, but that's not on. It's YOUR house. If I found unexpected visitors in a room where I needed to get clothes, I'd be in there saying so, and getting them up and out. Your LL would be quite within his rights to go ballistic at this carry-on. You are risking your tenancy. Please tell this visitor that it is no longer possible for her to stay over.

And as for bringing her bf - I'm speechless!

Oh, and if she has a key, please ask her to return it. I'm sure your girls will still let her in, but at least make sure she can't come and go as she pleases.

Same with the mums: if they don't hear the babies under the current arrangements, I'd think seriously about moving each baby in with mum. Do you have a plug in baby monitor? Do they use them?

You may not be able to physically take each baby and dump it on mum's bed, but that would be another of my ploys ...

Savvy_sewing

Re the visitor coming and going. She must have heard my yelling as she went to Northampton yesterday and I havent seen her since. Re the key, I never gave her one. But after talking to the twins last night, they said that they think she may have my sons key. (So I must ring him at my eldests and ask him where his key is, or was left!!). Feel pretty speachless myself at them!.
The babies are in the same rooms as thier Mums. The mums have just been lying in bed ignoring them, unless they actually start to cry!! I have read the riot act and often have picked them out of the cots and dumped them ontop of the mothers. Twin2 is usually very good, but its twin1 that is the biggest problem. She is the one that has the little girl, she is the first one to have come home, and she is the one that is the fly in the ointment of progress. She is currently doing her best to rile me, as she thinks that if I throw her out, she will be re housed by the council and will be out of the reach of the Social services, who got involved becuase of twin2 and her ex boyfriend. The fact that Social have written to her in concern that she is messy etc etc, doenst seem to sink in that she is under scruttiny too!!.
I refused to cook tea for them last night, and got myself a take away.Not very MSE but I was so fed up with them.
Again I leave them with a list of jobs to do, for the babies care and safety nevermind duties around the home!!!.
I rang the social worker yesterday, and she has said thatshe will arrange for another worker to come and meet the girls tomorrow. That she is hoping that we will have the new worker for 2 hours twice a week, with the aim of trying to get the girls into a routine. ( I wish them good luck as for the last 15 years I have been trying!!)
I am also going to see my own doctor tomorrow, as I can see the signs of depression/stress rising with in me, and I do not want to go under. I cant afford to go under.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Mooloo

You mentioned mother and baby units in the past, have Social Services suggested this or do you just think that is where they might end up if you stop doing what you are doing? I was just wondering if you have ever visited/considered this as a possible solution to all of this? I wonder how long you can continue as you are and if like you suggest you are going under you will be no use to the twins, grandchildren OR your son, other daughter and your BF, surely something has to give and if the babies are safe in a mohter and baby unit with the twins you would then be able to get stronger for YOU, your son (who is still a minor) and your BF. I know that it is easy for me who does not know the situation fully etc to suggest this but I just wondered if you knew more about it you could then make a more informed decision about if its the right thing to do. It is quite obvious from your posts that something HAS GOT TO GIVE soon.
If the twins were in mother and baby units you would then surely have more strength, money etc to help them in other ways too maybe?

Maybe you could ask your parents or your other daughter or maybe your BF to go and visit some with you so you have a second opinion?

Take care
KM x

Savvy_sewing

I did think about asking Social to show me where they are etc, but if I remember rightly they didnt have any in our county available so the girls would be sent away, and maybe not even together? (Although that may not be such a bad thing?). I think the problem is that I feel as if I am a terrible mother for not coping. Well thats not true, I have been coping, but I am tired, struggling with the day to day functioning at home now, and trying to keep a full time job going.
I am going to try and get time to chat to my Mum now they are back off of holiday. But they live about an hour away so its having the strength to drive over there after work or leave it till the weekend and loose time with BF.!! Ah well, its something that wont happen over night.
Tomorrow we have the meeting with the new Social Worker so lets see if I can get through to her what is needed.
The only thing is, that if the girls go to a mother and baby unit then my son and I will nt be able to stay in this big house, and we will have to move again.!

Js_Other_Half

Mother and baby units are not a permanent option - they're usually meant for assessing how a mother is coping? And as they're out of authority they'll not be the first option for your social services.

Good luck for tomorrow.

Seaxwyn

Good luck with the social worker visit Mooloo. I do hope you can get through to this one that your girls need a lot more support.

Savvy_Sue

And as they're not a permanent option, it may well be possible for you to continue to receive Housing Benefit there. I don't know, but I would check it out if this is ever mentioned.

the idea of M&B units is, I believe, to assess how mum is coping, and help her learn to cope better. Your daughters may not take any notice of you saying "you need to get into a routine", but someone else saying it, and other mums modelling it, may just do the trick.

Savvy_sewing

I am hoping that they will start to get the message that they need to be more pro active about the babies. Yesterday twin1 came to visit me in the shop with the baby, she wanted some trousers as now BGP is crawling and climbing little knees are getting red. But the down side was that BGP still had marmite all over her hands and face. I had to get some baby wipes and clean her off. When I got home 3 hours later, the high chair was still smeared with Marmite. The baby was on the floor and just about to topple over my sons stereo system, that twin1 had brought down to listen too!!. It was a very EEK moment. I just cant seem to get her to understand the danger.
She had the music on and was on the lap top. I went mad. I will be taking the laptops away, as suggested on here, and by my BF. (He is stonger then me, and tells me I am too weak, and that its my fault for not standing over them).
I realise M & Bunits are not permanant, but I cant see how they can be assessed while still living together here, and with me bailing them out when they run out of money, nappies and food etc.
I also found a £3 Healthy Start voucher lying around the sittingroom that was only valued until 3rd August, so of course that means half a tin of baby milk waisted.!!
I suppose my problem is I am just exhausted with trying to get them to understand the importance of things. If there was a place they could go to to be assessed seperately and they had a helper there so that the babies were safe etc, I wonder if that would be better. I still cannot understand how the disabilities people could spend one hour talking to the girls and come up with the idea that they are not eligable for the help.?
I think I have to go back to the beginning, and start shouting harder AGAIN.
I just need the strength to do it. And possibly will have to gather evidence? The problem with that idea is that I am so scared that if the girls are shown that they can not cope on their own, will they be seperated from thier babies. What would happen to them and if they were to take the babies from them it would destroy them, as they do love them very much, and I know that they believe they are doing thier best to look after the babies.
I go away for 2 weeks in October, and it is scaring me, to think what will not happen if we dont get them into a routine, that becomes automatic too them?
My fear is what holds me back I suppose.
My spondylitis is another thing that holds me back too. If I was sure that I was fit enough to look after the babies myself then I would know that I would be there as a back up if the mums have problems, but I am not able to motivate them and I an not able to see me being able to take the babies on for the rest of their lives!
One of the volunteers at work said that I would be better off giving up work, and being here full time, and that I would possibly be better off on benefits then on such a low wage at the shop. (I havent had a wage rise in 2 years and I am still on £13,370 a year. So I have to have tax credits to boost my income, but they dont allow extra monies for the twins.) All my money is just assessed on me and my son. Including my housing benefit.