Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

you may think me rash, but DS and I went to look at the cottage in a village 8 miles up the road. Be it very old, and not pretty from the outside, he was already putting his things in this place or that in the few rooms it has. I feel that this cottage is my way foreward. I have spoken to my parents, biggest of Mooloo's and I am going to go for the cottage. I have to give 2 months notice here, and that is going to be difficult. If I want the cottage it means I have to pay for both properties for at least a month. That wipes out all of the rest of my savings. I telephoned the social workers and told them today that after the 31st May, I am unable to take care of the twins anymore. Their reaction was that they were not surprised.
God, I feel so guilty, but it is killing me. I love them all, so very much. But I have come to crunch. If I am unable to function then I will be no good at all.
I am feeling so guilty, but I also know that I could not carry on the way I was.
I am sorry. So sorry.
I love my family, my girls, my son, my grandchildren.
I did not want to be a failure. However I need to be well enough to look after me, and also DS.
I feel so awful. But I also know that I cannot carry on the way I have been.
You have all followed me, and been my mainstay for so long. I will struggle financially, as every penny I ever saved is about to go, but with the MSE people I feel I will survive.
There will be people out there, who will not like me anymore, but I promise everyone that I have tried for the last 20 years, and for the last 16 on my own. I cannot carry on. So sorry. So very sorry to my girls but it is too much for me. It wont be long before I am in a wheel chair. I cannot be responsible for my grandchildren anymore.
I wll carry this guilt around with me forever.
Mooloo

minimoneysaver

You must not feel guilty. The only people who should be feeling guilty are the social and welfare workers. They have let you down. You are doing what is best for your children. It is time that the professionals stepped up to the plate. Enjoy your new home. It is time that your son felt secure in his home and enjoyed his last couple of years of being a child and having his mums attention.

wannabe_sybil

I have not posted before as I have not felt I have been able to offer anything constructive, but my admiration for you is undiminished. You have made a difficult decision, in difficult circumstances and I think you have been heroic.

Good luck.

Keeping_Motivated

If anyone judges you for this then the phrase 'walk a mile in my shoes' should come to mind.

You have tried and it is not working out so you are doing what is best for all of you.

You make it sound like you will no longer be around to support them, you will you will always be there for them but you don't have to live with them to support them.

Take care xxxx

~Chameleon~

Hi Mooloo,

I'm in tears reading your latest post but want you to know I understand exactly what you're going through right now and can assure you you've made the right decision. The girls may be upset/angry initially but trust me, they will thank you for this one day.

If anyone dare criticise your decision then to be honest they're not worth wasting your time on. You are a truly remarkable and strong woman even if you don't feel that way right now, and you fully deserve a life of your own and to spend some quality time with your DS.

Sending you much love and support xxxx

Dazi

Hi mooloo

Have not posted on your thread for ages, but have kept reading.

Please please do not feel guilty, you have done so much for your your girls. It is now time for them and the various agencies involved to take over.

It is also now the time for you and your son.

I do not think that anyone who has read all your thread will 'not like you' I think that anyone who has read and felt your pain can understand. We all know the love you have for your daughters and grandchildren. As Keeping Motivated said, if anyone judges you ask them to walk a mile in your shoes.

Hoping that all goes well for you and your sons to move the cottage, love and best wishes xxxx

CarolynH

You have done NOTHING to feel guilty over. So please, don't. You cannot/ could not care for the the twins & babies forever. Keeping my fingers crossed that things work out for you. X.

jha

I agree with everyone above - we all think you are wonderful!:A

You have not failed at all and should not feel guilty about anything - you look after your daughters and grandkids wonderfully it is not your fault that the social services have been so awful.

Your daughters are grown up enough now and need to fly the nest so to speak (i have read the thread and understand their circumstances) - you will be there for them - they just won't be living with you.

the plans and options that you have been considering over the months (and years) are finally coming into effect and i know it is upsetting but just think of it not as you abandoning your daughters and grandkids but getting them the support they need to "fly the nest" and have a life of their own and it will be a new start for you and your DS too. The cottage sounds lovely.

In a couple of months hopefully when everything settles down

• the biggest of the mooloos will be settled in her new flat reunited with bf(?)
• The girls will be in a new place fully supported with their babies
• You and DS will be in your cottage

WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT!!:T

Surfbabe

Mooloo

You have made a very brave decision and no-one has any right to criticse you or "not like you". How you have coped for so long beats me. I think you have done extra-ordinarily well for someone with your own health problems.

Enjoy your new home with your DS - you both deserve it....... and you won;t have given up on the girls or grandchildren - it may well be the making of them

Love and hugs
xx

whiteguineapig

i have never posted but i read your post everyday. please don;t feel guilty , you have given it your all and i think we all admire you for that, i think all of us wish you the very best