Mooloo's struggle with babies and bills

Savvy_sewing

Well things are slowly starting to move, I hope. We had a visit from the Social Worker today. She brought with her the information about the assisted living, housing that she has been talking about. It turns out that she still has not submitted the forms to them.!! So it will be several more months before anything is going to happen in that department.!
I am still struggling to do much. Things have unfortunately not improved around the house yet. DS is off school again. This time he has a viral infection. We have been to the doctors again today.
We are nipping into town today, to pay in the housing benefit cheque and to get a different buggy, with moveable wheels. Then I hope that we can try those clips again. Although I think that it will be one of the mums using it and not me.

Savvy_sewing

The positives in life are becoming priority for me, so that i survive.
My letter to Social has sturred up the hornets nets. So to speak.
But I am now being challenged that i am inadequate with the care of my grandchildren. Today I felt like I sold my sole, because the health visitors came out to see us, and it is them that are telling me that they are concerned about things. they turned my concerns about on me. Now they are also saying that even I can not take care of my grandchildren.
I cant win. BBJ has two small old bruises on his face, from falling on the decking, and banging into things,. and when I said I was worried that he might have the dyspraxia, the twins had., I was rushed to the doctors for a examination of my grandson. They striped him off, and were rougher then we ever are with him. I understand that baby P..Caused a lot. But I have been intouch, shouting etc, so if there was something untowards, why would I be bringing it Up?????
Sorrybut I am becoming parranoid.
I have been told today by the health visitors that they dont want me to leave the babies at all. I said that thats a bit exagerated. Meanwhile, my ask for help has put me under the criticism screen more then the mums.

jha

Dear Mooloo,

I am sorry you had a rough time with Social Services / health visitors today. This thread more than illustrates how wonderful you have been to your kids and grandkids. :T:T:T

They are bound to blame everything on you - they are not going to admit that they have been rubbish are they? :rolleyes:

They appear to be contradicting themselves aswell (unless i have read this wrong):o
"Now they are also saying that even I can not take care of my grandchildren."
"I have been told today by the health visitors that they dont want me to leave the babies at all."

I am sorry they were so rough with BBJ:(

Thinking of you Mooloo, you are an angel. :A

Palm_Centro

Its all quiet at the moment in the Mooloo household.

Savvy_sewing

Palm_Centro wrote: »

Its all quiet at the moment in the Mooloo household.

I wish!!
Tomorrow the head of the Teenage Support Team is coming to see me, to iron out the problems that I highlited in my letter to them.:rolleyes:

The Support Workers think that the girls can manage for the short periods of time that I go to see my BF, but the health visitors do not think that that is good enough.:mad:
True that I worry about the "Health and Safety" because I do pick things up off of the floor that should not be there, etc. But I have seen plenty of other households in a worse mess then ours, and with a lot of hazards around.
So the Health visitors are now saying that I should be around supervising all the time. :eek:
When I say that the girls need to move on to the assisted living system that the Support Workers are suggesting, the Health visitors are not sure that that would be "safe".
I had to explain, and bring out the paperwork about the housing, which has 24 hour supervision. That teaches all the things that I have been saying the girls need to learn. Then they said, "Oh, yes that sounds ideal for them"!!?? Do the different authorities not know what is available, what is out there in the area they are working in!!:rolleyes:
Meanwhile they are still not happy that I go out, or stay over with my BF?
I had to tell them that I am not a paid carer, that I had thought that by now the system would have helped the girls, and that I would not be having to do it on my own. Because in my letter I said that I was worried about my health, and that I have deteriorated, they said that they were worried about my being able to look after the kids. I had to explain that the stresses of dealing with the twins are my problems, not the actual babies. And yes, contradictions in the same visit, saying that they are not happy about me leaving them on thier own with the babies. I said that nobody has said that I have to be here 24/7, and that I am also entitled to my own life. That I have lost my independance, my life for them all, and that I am not being paid to do this. That I am doing it becuase they are my family, and that I love them. However there comes a time when I will not be able to do all of this. That I am needing my life too.
I can honestly say that when Social Services first asked me to have twin2 home with the baby, I thought it was only for a few months, that they would assess her needs, and her abilities and then she would have been helped into the appropriate housing options available. I was expecting twin1 to be able to move on when she could afford to. That if they were living near by, that I could call in and visit, and that I could be a normal granny. I didnt realise that I would be still the unofficial carer, and that I would have to hold everyone together.
If I ask for help and say I am not coping, then they say that they are worried about my being able to cope, but they are not coming up with a plan to help me.? I give up. I cannot win.
Sorry to blow off steam, but I really am pretty exasperated (not sure if I spelt that right?) with all of this. It has gone on now for nearly two years! From the May/June when twin1 first said that she was pregnant and the hostel she was living in said she couldnt look after herself never mind a baby!.
I have lost my security, my flat, that was a council flat, so I could have lived there until my eventual demise!. My job in management, that I loved, and my health. (Sometimes think I have lost my sanity too!!!).
I have given everything to help my girls, and to take care of the babies. I have done above and beyond most grandparents/parents remit. What more am I expected to do... Give up my BF as well?? I think that I should be able to relax and know that the girls and thier babies are safe, that they are being cared for and helped, that my DS and I could have less stress, that he could be focused on more then I manage to do. I feel that I should be able to have my life, my relationship with my BF and security, and a career. (Health permitting obviously!). Is that so wrong of me??

Savvy_sewing

I forgot that the YOPteam were coming to see us today. So this evening the meal was more of a snack as they came at 6pm.
Biggest of Mooloos came to get some more of her stuff. It looks like her BF has had second thoughts and wants her back? So I think the romance may be back on? I just hope that it wasnt becuase she has a new flat! But as long as she is happy then I hope things will go better for her now.
Am tired now. So its time for an early night for me. Hope the meeting tomorrow has a good outcome.

anguk

Aw Mooloo, I'm so sorry that you're finding it so hard at the moment. I think it's shocking the way you're being treated by the very people who are supposed to be helping you, you shouldn't be left to just deal with this by yourself, you're fully entitled to have your own life. Unfortunately I think sometimes social services etc have such a big caseload that people like you who are willing to help are left to just get on with it. It certainly doesn't seem to help when one department doesn't seem to know what the other is doing! You've got the support workers saying you can leave the girls on their own, then health visitors saying you can't and then just to make things even more confusing the jobcentre saying you should be going back to work!

I'm full of admiration for you for the way you continue to cope with everything, hopefully things will get better soon. The assisted living system does sound ideal for your girls, they will be able to get the help they need and you will be able to have a bit of personal life.

SuziQ

Mooloo-when I read about the excuses for social workers and health visitors that are working with you I could scream-I certainly couldn't put on here what I think of them.

Maybe you should get them to read this dairy?

By blaming you all they are trying to do is make excuses for their own inadequacies and the way the sytem is letting the twins,their babies and you down.

I can't think what else to say,except don't for 1 second think you haven't done a sterling job for your family.

Surfbabe

I am full of admiration for you Mooloo - you are holding it all together under extreme pressure and the Social Services / Health Visitors should be ashamed of themselves.

Not much else to say, except positive vibes being sent your way

Savvy_sewing

I am sitting at the desk in my bedroom. Aiming to be positive, and not to stress. The head of the Support Team is due to arrive in the next 30 minutes or so. To discuss my situation.
The girls are just finishing sorting out the babies from breakfast.
DS is still unwell. I am worried that the antibiotics really are not making any difference to his wellbeing, he might as well have been given smarties!!
I am stressed it is obvious. I have tried relaxation, massage, and listening to meditative CD's etc. I am aiming to be calm this morning. I dont want to come acrross as a nutter, or a screaming banshee!!
Biggest of Mooloo's flat still doesnt have working heating. (She has borrowed fan heaters from my parents at the moment!). So she has left the keys with me, to go and let the engineer in a bit later. I am waiting for him to call. If he calls when the Social worker lady is here, then I will have to send twin1. As she is the only one who knows which flat it is.
So wish me luck, perhaps people will start to listen today!!