NEED ADVICE ON LAZY SON

geek84

Hi Folks

 

Our 23-year-old son started university a few years ago.  After telling us all excuses and reasons under the sun, he has recently admitted that he hasn't gone back to university since September 24.  He said the course is too easy and that he seems to know more than the lecturers!!

 

He also said he has started an online business and in fact he will make more than twice the money of a normal recent graduate, once the business is up and running.  This seems to be his main reason of not finishing his degree course.   However, although he has given us a ‘very very’  brief outline of this new business venture, he is reluctant to discuss in detail.

 

He lives at home and wake up around 10 each morning, spends about an hour in the bathroom and then comes downstairs for breakfast after 11am each morning.  After breakfast, he starts watching YouTube videos which show how individuals started their own businesses and are now multi-millionaires.

 

We get the feeling that our son thinks all these YouTube  videos are very true and real and that making money is easy.

 

We never see him doing any work on his business and are almost convinced that he is doing nothing with his life at the moment. 

 

We are both having sleepless nights over this and would very much appreciate advice on how to deal with the current situation.

 

Thank You

FlorayG

You need to get tough
He's old enough to have a job and pay rent and depending whereabouts you live that could be £500 a month
If he has no income he can earn his keep by doing all the cleaning, washing, housework, washing up, lawn mowing, washing the car, preparing meals - basically working as your housekeeper
At the moment he's on a cushy number, nothing to pay, everything provided - why would he bother to go out and earn his keep?
People who actually make money from online business have an actual job as well and do that in their spare time; at one time I had a lodger doing that, he worked 45 hours a week and sat up late doing his online business and yes, eventually DID make a go of it and moved out to his own flat; but meanwhile he had to earn his keep because his parents refused to keep him.. He was 24 when he moved in to my house

BridgetTheCat

Are you still supporting him financially? If so you need to stop. As an adult if he’s not in full time education then he should be earning or on benefits and seeking work.

Are you charging him even a nominal amount for rent/groceries/utilities to live under your roof? If not you’ve made the nest very comfortable for him, so he has no incentive to work to improve his lot.

Dobbibill

I agree with others above - time for tough love. 

As he hasn't been a student since September 2024, he owes you more than 6 months lodge. 

Congratulate him on being an entrepreneur and ask him to pay what he owes plus the agreed amount going forward. 

Pollycat

He's lazy because you're allowing him to be lazy.

You need to get tough and tell him he needs to change or find an alternative place to live.

Flugelhorn

he has go completely sucked in to the "get rich quick" world - sounds like something happened at uni and the course wasn't going so well and maybe he wasn't able to continue - was he living with the you when he was there?

Yes agree need to discuss him paying his way at home now - if he doesn't have to start "work" until 11.00 he can at least get in a couple of hours of tasks around the house before that. 

Emmia

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays, and I completely agree you've made life too cushy for him.

Ask him for his back rent and tell him how much it is going forward, I'd also stop cooking meals for him and doing any of his cleaning or laundry. He's a grown up and needs to take on those responsibilities for himself.

elsien

Although not getting up till 10 doesn’t automatically make him lazy. I used to have this argument with my mother when I lived at home, (Although I did pay rent) - I was awake and doing things for the same number of hours as her, just at different times of day.
Larks and night owls - what matters is more how productively people are spending their time, and it sounds like you feel that your son isn’t. 

How is he paying for his mobile phone, his clothes, his day-to-day needs outside of food and utilities?

MEM62

geek84 said:

We are both having sleepless nights over this and would very much appreciate advice on how to deal with the current situation.

 

He is 23, he is an adult and makes his own decisions in life.  Why are you having sleepless nights?  If his business is that successful then he can leave home and start some serious adulting.  A reality check might be just what he needs.     

sheramber

You need to start writing down some home rules- if he is going to stay in your house he aboides by these rules 

Otherwise he finds other accommodation.

He should be paying his way and  taking care of his pwn washing, ironing, cleaning his room.

If he doesnlt statr now how will he cope when you are not there/

Tine for some Tuff Love.

jackieblack

Everything they all said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^