NEED ADVICE ON LAZY SON

saajan_12

Many people will continue to offer kids housing for a set number of years provided they are in further education. However this would be limited to say 3 years so they can't milk it by studying part time or repeating years. At age 23, he's presumably well past that. Thereafter, either ask him to find somewhere else or to pay rent. Give him some notice of this, say 2 months. But set a clear date, he has to either be moved out or pay £X in rent and every month thereafter.

I wouldn't get into housework to earn his keep.. you'll only get into more angst on the quality and frequency of cleaning and besides, people share basic chores on top of rent / mortgage. 

If the businesses are started, then he should start making some income to cover this. People usually start small and build, he doesn't have to set up everything from the get go (and have an excuse to keep stalling). 

onomatopoeia99

If he's not in full time education then he needs to pay board to cover food, heat etc. Is he?

Other than that, rising at 10 is no big deal if he doesn't have a schedule to keep. I frequently get up as late as noon on weekends and if I have time off work.   He's a grown up and can take responsibility for himself. 

If he doesn't pay rent, give him two months' warning that he either starts to and continues, or finds his own accomodation.

No need to worry about all of this, the problems are his, not yours.

Exodi

I fear that as this forum respectfully skews 'older' (last census states that 2/3rds of participants were 50+), they may not grasp the gravity of the issue, and may admire a display of entrepreneurship.

The problem is the younger generation are hopelessly addicted to social media. One of the dangers of this is that generally people post the best parts of their life to social media (e.g. holidays, expensive purchases, etc) - unfortunately what can happen is if all you're seeing all day is people on holiday with expensive purchases, then you may consider this normal. It's made worse that, to seek validation, people then start doing or purchasing things, specifically for social media causing a vicious feedback loop.

A separate (but equally) serious issue is "guru's" - people who profess to be experts at X, and are willing to teach you the secrets. This can be anything, but is oftentimes an easy way to make money - whether it's drop-shipping, FBA with Amazon, day-trading, AI trading bots, crypto, property, etc - it's usually marketed by someone portraying themselves as extremely successful (oftentimes in a suit, with a rolex, driving a luxury sports car, holding a stack of notes), willing to let others in on the secret. The reality is that if they had found the secret to infinite wealth, the last thing they'd do is share it, and if they did, have no need to sell it. Despite this they offer a course, where the first few 'lessons' might be free, but the 'secret' will be wrapped up in a course costing hundreds or thousands of pounds. The reality is that these people don't make money from X, they make money from telling people how to make money from X. And this is absolutely widespread, I cannot state enough how commonplace this is. The unfortunate consequence again being that someone browsing social media could be tricked into thinking that everyone is earning 6 figure passive incomes from day-trading or drop-shipping.

There are countless more problems, but I have a keen interest in this sort of thing, and I have so much sympathy for the younger people of today who spend a significant portion of each day, everyday, being deceived on social media into thinking everyone is successful, or success is easy, and feeling like they've failed as they're not a millionaire in their 20s.

It is absolutely inevitable that kids and young adults of today would believe that they could 'drop out of school' and start a 6 figure business working an hour a week, because some guy wearing a Rolex on YouTube/TikTok said so.

But I digress, I could rant about this all day. I don't know what the answer is (but separately regarding, as others have said, definitely make home less of a hotel for him).

FlorayG

Please don't imply that older people are not aware of the issues with social media; I think most of us are very much aware. You CAN make a go of an online business, but you need a decent business idea to begin with and as you say, you're not going to get one from these scammers.

Exodi

FlorayG said:

Please don't imply that older people are not aware of the issues with social media; I think most of us are very much aware. You CAN make a go of an online business, but you need a decent business idea to begin with and as you say, you're not going to get one from these scammers.

I didn't imply that older people 'are not aware of the issue' I specifically said that they 'may not grasp the gravity of the issue' - and why would they? It's not controversial to say that young people use the main offending social media platforms (TikTok, Instragram, etc) significantly more than older people - that's just reality. I can't help if that reality offends you.

Of course people will find it harder to comprehend the intricacies of things they are less involved in, and that goes for anyone - I know there's issues with the planning system, but I couldn't tell you the specifics or comprehend the extent of what they are because I'm not actively involved in it. I appreciate that older people will certainly have a more surface level understanding of the issues, again I did not suggest or imply they didn't.

Likewise, I didn't suggest that you can't 'make a go of an online business' so it's odd you pull me up on that. As you say (from what I say), my point was the issue around online influencers masquerading as experts in the field, deceiving people into thinking anyone can start an online business with little effort with their blueprint.

Grumpy_chap

I agree with the general sentiment of others - he needs to pay his way and time for the OP (as parents) to get tough with the son.

I'd temper that by a need to actually understand (and I realise it will be difficult to find out) what he is actually doing.
Has he simply got into "get rich quick" schemes of the harmless nature, or has he been lured into a pyramid selling scheme or money-mule or such like.
If you can find out what he is actually doing, that will allow you to tailor the support that needs to go with the tough love message.  If he is simply squandering his time unproductively that is far better than if he has been wrapped up in an illegitimate scheme of some kind.

How is he raising any money, even if it is just pocket money for social life and clothes?  
Is he still registered as a student and drawing down student loan?

FlorayG

Interesting that OP has not returned to this thread

DullGreyGuy

As a university drop out I can have some sympathy but I wasnt living at my parents home and did have a minimum wage type part time job that was sufficient, just about, for living in shared student digs, food and drinks etc. I also didnt tell my parent until sometime after nor had any life plan at the time. Clearly some will differentiate that I was at least self sufficient even if only just and wasnt trying to get extra hours, second job or a "proper job".

Agree with everyone else, if not in full time education then they need to pay their way and that starts with rent to cover the room and utilities. If their new business supports them sufficiently to do this then great, if it doesnt they have choices on either to work harder at it or get a job alongside it whilst it grows. 

I wouldnt get hung up on time they get up etc, a good friend paid his way through uni and ever since doing his own thing around gambling and online casinos (not actually gambling himself) and his days were typically 3pm to Midnight 6 days a week but with variable levels of effort. 

A few friends parents who charged them rent did in the future return the "rent" to them as a gift wards a deposit on a house or wedding etc (mine didnt)

Mands

FlorayG said:

Interesting that OP has not returned to this thread

Have you looked at the OP's profile? They regularly ask questions, don't respond to queries for clarification, don't thank any one or acknowledge help and then don't return to follow up. 

Sapindus

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.