NEED ADVICE ON LAZY SON

Emmia

Sapindus said:

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.
 

Personally I have no issue with my parents approach. It is right in my view that adults (which uni students usually are) contribute to the cost of running the household.

To pay the "rent" (which wasn't a huge amount) my siblings and I all worked during our university holidays. Normally I had two jobs and worked 7 days a week during the holidays, to save money that would help with uni expenses in term time when I couldn't work. 

To be clear I didn't live at home, term time.

I paid rent when I dropped out of my A'levels and went to work full time - I also had to carry on with my A'levels (although it was pointless) until I had a job - no quitting and lying around on the sofa all day, claiming benefits.

You probably think this is harsh, and actually my parents didn't need the "rent"...  but the reality, as an adult outside of the family home is that you need to pay your way - so why not at home too?

If you don't want to charge your kids that's fine, but personally I think you set yourself up to be abused as a hotel when they finish uni too, as they won't feel they need to pay, and won't move out as it's "too expensive".

MeteredOut

Sapindus said:

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.
 

Don't know about Emmia, but I'd probably not take parenting advice from a stranger on the internet.

Pollycat

MeteredOut said:

Sapindus said:

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.
 

Don't know about Emmia, but I'd probably not take parenting advice from a stranger on the internet.

Yes.
It does sound like one of the weekly Money Moral Dilemmas that make me wonder why someone would ask such a question from complete strangers on t'interweb.

ButterCheese

Agree with all of the first page of posts - not that the OP will probably read this.

I was not charged to live at home when home from Uni.  But I was working 30-50 hours a week in the local supermarket, whilst also driving tractors for my Uncle whenever I was ordered to.  I would not charge my son to live here unless he had a full-time job.  I think that's greedy.  The more help you can give them, the sooner they'l be able to save up for a house and move out!

elsien

How is it greedy to have an adult son living with you pay their way? 
Particularly one who on the face of it isn't saving up for anything. 

MeteredOut

ButterCheese said:

Agree with all of the first page of posts - not that the OP will probably read this.

I was not charged to live at home when home from Uni.  But I was working 30-50 hours a week in the local supermarket, whilst also driving tractors for my Uncle whenever I was ordered to.  I would not charge my son to live here unless he had a full-time job.  I think that's greedy.  The more help you can give them, the sooner they'l be able to save up for a house and move out!

The OPs son has effectively dropped out of university.

At home from Uni: sure, support them. Dropped out, and doing nothing except following the latest online hustle fad (might be harsh, but I'll be surprised if i'm wrong): time for tough love.

ButterCheese

MeteredOut said:

ButterCheese said:

Agree with all of the first page of posts - not that the OP will probably read this.

I was not charged to live at home when home from Uni.  But I was working 30-50 hours a week in the local supermarket, whilst also driving tractors for my Uncle whenever I was ordered to.  I would not charge my son to live here unless he had a full-time job.  I think that's greedy.  The more help you can give them, the sooner they'l be able to save up for a house and move out!

The OPs son has effectively dropped out of university.

At home from Uni: sure, support them. Dropped out, and doing nothing except following the latest online hustle fad (might be harsh, but I'll be surprised if i'm wrong): time for tough love.

I agree.  I was referencing someone else who said whilst at home they were charged for keep.  I would not charge kids if they were at Unit and trying to work in the holidays, but in OPs case, yes definetly.  They are doing them no favours by supporting them.  Unfortunately it sounds like they have been soft and are now paying for it.

silvercar

Emmia said:

Sapindus said:

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.
 

Personally I have no issue with my parents approach. It is right in my view that adults (which uni students usually are) contribute to the cost of running the household.

To pay the "rent" (which wasn't a huge amount) my siblings and I all worked during our university holidays. Normally I had two jobs and worked 7 days a week during the holidays, to save money that would help with uni expenses in term time when I couldn't work. 

To be clear I didn't live at home, term time.

I paid rent when I dropped out of my A'levels and went to work full time - I also had to carry on with my A'levels (although it was pointless) until I had a job - no quitting and lying around on the sofa all day, claiming benefits.

You probably think this is harsh, and actually my parents didn't need the "rent"...  but the reality, as an adult outside of the family home is that you need to pay your way - so why not at home too?

If you don't want to charge your kids that's fine, but personally I think you set yourself up to be abused as a hotel when they finish uni too, as they won't feel they need to pay, and won't move out as it's "too expensive".

I found the opposite to your last sentence. In the knowledge that home was always available if things didn’t work out elsewhere, my kids did move out soon after uni. Once they secured proper jobs, they fled the nest. 

If you don’t need the rent money, why charge it? Deprive your kids of having some savings to fall back on? Surely it makes more sense, to have them at home but encourage them to use what would be rent money to get into the habit of saving. 

Spendless

With us. My kids receive/d the min student loan due to our household income. We had to step in to pay the rent. They didnt receive enough loan to pay it themselves. Both live/d away from home. If theyd lived at home I wouldnt see the point in charging them given we'd have been saving on not paying their  student rent. Our contribution in those circs would have been instead that they used our electric and ate our food.
I dont charge in hols for the reason given above. 
My eldest never returned home after his degree. 

Emmia

silvercar said:

Emmia said:

Sapindus said:

Emmia said:

My parents charged "rent" when we were back for uni holidays

I take issue with this - the student loan system actually works on the expectation that parents give support to their studying offspring, because it pays less if they are living at home during term time.  Maybe if the student is earning money during the holidays then they might be asked to make a contribution to the family finances if these are a bit tight, but seems wrong to ask them to pay over money that's intended to help them with the costs of studying.
 

Personally I have no issue with my parents approach. It is right in my view that adults (which uni students usually are) contribute to the cost of running the household.

To pay the "rent" (which wasn't a huge amount) my siblings and I all worked during our university holidays. Normally I had two jobs and worked 7 days a week during the holidays, to save money that would help with uni expenses in term time when I couldn't work. 

To be clear I didn't live at home, term time.

I paid rent when I dropped out of my A'levels and went to work full time - I also had to carry on with my A'levels (although it was pointless) until I had a job - no quitting and lying around on the sofa all day, claiming benefits.

You probably think this is harsh, and actually my parents didn't need the "rent"...  but the reality, as an adult outside of the family home is that you need to pay your way - so why not at home too?

If you don't want to charge your kids that's fine, but personally I think you set yourself up to be abused as a hotel when they finish uni too, as they won't feel they need to pay, and won't move out as it's "too expensive".

I found the opposite to your last sentence. In the knowledge that home was always available if things didn’t work out elsewhere, my kids did move out soon after uni. Once they secured proper jobs, they fled the nest. 

If you don’t need the rent money, why charge it? Deprive your kids of having some savings to fall back on? Surely it makes more sense, to have them at home but encourage them to use what would be rent money to get into the habit of saving. 

You assume kids will save the money they're saving in rent, and not spaff it on nights out, clothes, a fancier car etc.

Paying rent encourages them to work, rather than lying on the sofa all day, or getting up at noon.

We don't agree on this point, I think rent is reasonable, you don't.