Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

Thanks for all your comments. 🙂

Pleased to report that yesterday went about as well as it could have gone. I was immensely glad that we packed the van the day before so we had time in the morning to have breakfast together. By 10am I’d dropped dd2 off to work and as soon as I got back dd1 and I set off.

Turns out, dd1’s new room is just plain awesome! Perfect size, lovely, non overlooked room with a scenic view, lots of storage and a really nifty sink/clock room area inside her room. The toilet, shower and kitchen are just a few steps away from her door, together with a laundrette, social space, canteen and mini library all in or right next to her block. The sports centre is literally across the road, as is the bus stop that will drop her back from work. Honestly, it was so nice to have it all together as I could imagine how she will live in it and that meant I didn’t feel like I was just abandoning her quite so much.

We were really lucky parking wise as someone was just leaving as we arrived (couldn’t be said for the many people who came after us 😬). Carrying everything back and forward was quite a challenge though, especially since dd1’s room is on the first floor. Handily there was a bench half way so I pretty much carried all the light but awkward stuff as far as the bench and then rested whilst dd1 did the hard work of climbing the stairs a lot. After a few trips a girl brought a trolley over and asked if we wanted it to help with the boxes. OMG I swear every uni should supply more of these! Even I could pull it when it was full of heavy stuff! Serious game-changer.

After I spent a bit of time resting in dd1’s room while she speed unpacked, she helped carry all the empty boxes and rubbish back to the van and we said our goodbye. It was sooo strange to leave her knowing I wont see her again for ages. I just can’t get my head around it. 🙁

To make matters worse, I got home to dd2 packing an overnight bag and off she went to stay at her friend’s house.

The house felt SO quiet and empty. 😢

Now morning is here, the first thing I did was check to see dd1 got back safe after her first night out - having her set up on ‘Find My’ is super hand for reducing my stress at times like this! Seeing her little dot showing in her bedroom was such a relief. 😁

Time now to get up and sort the animals then curl up on the sofa.

… 🤣 Literally as I wrote that last line I got a message through from dd2 reminding me I have an appointment with neurology at 10am today! Seriously, what would I do without that girl!

ellenvan

That sounds wonderful for DD1, lovely that you got to see it all too. Now she can settle in and hopefully make great new friends.

You can relax now. You aren't abandoning her. You are giving her room to flourish.

Our little fledglings have to leave the nest at some point.

daisy_1571

I love my trolley. Got it from Costco but there's others out there. So handy for carrying multiple things. Mine squishes fairly small. Will never by tiny as it has chunky tyres.

I also have a more traditional upright shopping trolley but it has 3 wheels on a spinner. Means it can be easily be pulled up a kerb or stairs. Again very useful if you have parcels or shopping

EatingBeans

Yeah the trolley really was amazing - I can see I might end up purchasing one in future as it was so much easier than trying to carry anything. I dread to think how much they cost though so something to build up to and buy second hand i think.

daisy_1571

Forty to fifty quid should get you a decent one i think but definitely keep an eye on second hand ones, now that festival season is probably drawing to a close there may be a few going up for sale

Cherryfudge

Have a look on V1nted: there are some for just a few ££. I don't know how robust they are, but even if it was just for a short while, it would be worth it to save you from exhaustion.

Wishing your DD1 all the best. I well remember dropping DS2 at Uni and leaving - 'nuff said. We had the million steps to his room, too. When DD went to Uni, her boyfriend took her, which spared us difficulties. I heard a story that her new flatmates were all sitting round on the first night when someone said 'What are you all waiting for, this is the big city!' - and they all hit the clubs.

I later found out it was DD who said it. 😅

Incidentally, she got her degree, got involved in a sports team where she made a friend who she later went travelling with, and has done well since. It really was a fantastic opportunity for her.

EatingBeans

I honestly thought the trolleys would be more expensive but taking a look at them I can definitely see one of them in my future! Thank you!

Glad to report dd1 seems to be settling into uni just fine. She went out clubbing until gone 5am on the very first night, and yes, it seems she was the instigator! 🤣 I am sure she will thrive at uni. 😁

Unfortunately my neurologist appointment yesterday was far from successful. 😞 I knew when I left the house that I was pretty tired after dropping dd1 to uni the day before, and my TN pain in my face was playing up a bit, but I did not expect it to be a real issue. Needless to say, after I got lost (because I’d somehow put the address wrong into Maps), I turned up late, by which time my face had gone from annoying to pretty overwhelming and being forced to talk, walk and think just made it all worse. Had I not already been threatened with being discharged back to the GP if I failed to show, then honestly I would have turned around well before I got there. Instead I kept going (knowing full well I was in a full on fatigue crash and TN flare). I registered at reception then found the nearest table and chair so I could put my head down and try and breathe through the pain. I was then asked to walk to the next waiting room by which point I could barely stand and when the very kind nurse asked me if I was ok I burst into floods of tears (making the TN worse)! By the time I got to see the neurologist I was feeling sick and dizzy from the pain and in desperate need of a lie down. The guy asked me to relay all my health issues from the last few months, barely spoke about the TN and proceeds to give me a diagnosis of FND (functional neurological disorder). I had no clue what this meant until I got home (and was too exhausted to ask in the appointment), but having looked it up I am now livid! He basically said my brain is just telling me I am ill when really there is nothing physically wrong! 🤬 Seriously, it is probably a good job I didn’t know in the office, or I may have actually lost the plot at him. So the neurosurgeon who is an expert in TN who is so sure there is a physical issue he is prepared to crack my skull open, is just imagining it too right?! And the 70mph car accident that caused it in the first place was what, all in my head too?! And the positive test for covid that has caused the CFS and taken me from working full time, an active gardener and someone redecorating over half the house in a week, to being unable to do any of it, was what, just in my imagination?! Yes I was crying (as I have done at many medical appointments recently) but no matter how many times I say I am not depressed, just in pain and feeling misunderstood, they still just say it’s mental health. Funnily enough having physical symptoms whilst constantly being dismissed is actually upsetting! I know what depression is like and that is not what is wrong with me! I am even more convinced I had shingles and despite the classic presentation of symptoms, none of the doctors seem prepared to even hear me out. I swear, I am reaching the point where I just want their help to get work to agree to me doing three days a week and then I am just plain done with these people! I have my mri this afternoon and at this point I am really hoping something shows up so the neurosurgeon can have a go at fixing it. Never thought I’d ever be wishing for someone to cut my head open but after that ridiculous neurology appointment I have a horrible feeling that trying to get appropriate treatment for my TN is about to get a whole lot harder. dd2 has offered to come with me to my appointments in future because it is so difficult to get them to listen - what are they going to do, say we are BOTH mentally ill?!

Baldybear

I think an advocate in your daughter would be a great idea, someone that sees the stuggles everday. Sorry to hear you have been treated so bad, maybe a complaint or a request for a 2nd opinion, isnt there a new law for this, which sounds like this is needed for this case. Hope you can rest now for a few days x

bubblycrazy

I'm so sorry EB, this sounds so hard. Definitely take someone with you next time and don't give up on a second, or even third opinion, although I know how difficult fighting battles is when you're in pain 🫂

debtfreewannabe321

Hi @EatingBeans hope you don't mind me jumping on your thread. @daisy_1571 directed me over here. Over the last few months I've been diagnosed with all sorts of autoimmune things (I was already diagnosed with CFS/ME/ fibromyalgia when my two youngest were little but I had managed it well with diet and rest and menopause seems to have caused this latest flare) I've now got orthostatic hypotension and EDS added to it all 🙄. I managed to get my work to agree to a 0.5 contract pretty easily but I actually handed my notice in before I'd even gone down to it. I'm really struggling with the low energy and think I just need six months on a beautiful desert island with no temptation from bad foods and stressful situations/ people 😆. Anyway wanted to send you hugs I know how you're feeling to a degree. I mean I'm sure our situations are different but I also had a Dr pretty much telling me I needed to quit my job because the stress is making me feel like I'm sick when basically there is nothing wrong with me. Cheers for that. 🙄 It's tough. I hope they can help you heal rather than just handing out diagnosis and packing you on your way with no suggestions of how to fix it (like I feel has happened to me).

I'll bookmark your diary now and follow along. Ps my daughter has just started uni today ☺️!