Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

Very sad to report that the fatigue came crashing back along with severe headaches and nausea. 😭 The TN is also hurting and serving as a big reminder of why I take the medication for it. I’ve technically ‘worked’ today but that is actually a complete lie. I would have just called in sick first thing if it wasn’t for the fact that it was release day today and it would have been a poor show if as a Delivery Manager I ducked out of my first release day. So instead I rested as much as possible next to my computer and stayed in touch with the team via Teams on my phone. 😞 I feel so bad but I thought better to at least be available if they need me (which they really did yesterday). Now though, I think I am just too spent to make it through tomorrow. 😞

One thing I did manage to do today was take the dogs back to the field as planned. They had an absolute blast and had definitely realised it is ok to be away from mum in this place so they raced around the 2acre field by themselves while I just sat on a sheltered bench next to the van (other than picking up after them of course). The fresh air and stress free space is totally worth the money. I have booked in a regular slot for the next few weeks as I genuinely feel like it is as good for me as it is for the dogs. I’ve also managed to find an easier route to drive to get to it by going on the motorway. Distance wise it is over twice as far but it means less stopping/starting/turning so it makes the drive less tiring. Yes, I am now literally planning my driving around how many gear changes I have to do! 🤦‍♀️

So yeah, sadly it seems it wasn’t all just side effects of the medication. 🙁 I finally started looking up ME/CFS today and sadly it is all sounding very familiar. As is POTS, which is commonly diagnosed alongside ME/CFS. 😢 I’ve avoided any suggestion of ME up to now as I have memories of a girl I knew who had to use a wheelchair due to ME and any suggestion of that being what I might end up facing is just too scary by half. But, there comes a point where even I can see CFS makes sense. The dd’s have been suggesting it for a while but clearly I’ve been in denial.

So, back on the TN tablets I go. 😞 No point suffering the TN more if the end result is I’m still struggling. The thirst thing still perplexes me though. I have stayed super thirsty for a few days now so I am going to see if that changes as I start back on the tablets. Either way I’ve decided to consciously make myself drink more water because dehydration wont help either way.

EatingBeans

Oh it just gets better. I had an awful night in so much pain, finally made it down the stairs this morning, and the vomiting started. I managed to compose myself(ish) then foolishly bent down to get something out the kitchen cupboard to try and get something to eat to settle my stomach and ended up having to lay on the kitchen floor as I felt too awful to stand up straight again and just sitting against the cabinet was too exhausting. dd1 came to rescue me bless her, brought me a bowl, biscuits (to try and settle my stomach), some painkillers and water to sip, and after 10minutes or so I was able to crawl to lay on the sofa which is where I am now. No amount of wishful thinking is going to make it possible for me to work if this continues so a DMP might have to be brought back onto the table. 😢

oceanspirit

So sorry to read what you are going through. It’s not easy living with fatigue plus other symptoms and then having to fight with medical professionals as well, when your precious energy would be better spent on looking after yourself.

Thank you for mentioning Field Doctor meals in a previous post. I looked them up and am now using them as I currently have carers after an unplanned 10 day stay in hospital. It’s good having all the veg in the one meal - so easy for carers to pop in microwave and way better nutrition than supermarket ready meals. I find their website difficult to navigate though. Are you still using them?

It’s great that you’ve found a good place for the dogs to self exercise and a bonus that it gives you some peace to help your overall wellbeing. I hope you get to the bottom of your symptoms soon and that you are able to hang onto your job as it sounds a good fit for you and the team you are working with.