Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

First day back at work. Two hours ended up being about 3.5hours, followed by Morrisons turning up with a big shop that I had to put away on my own because dd2 was at college. Honestly, I was so exhausted from work it took me over an hour to put it away. 😬 Then to top it off I had to go and pick up my mobility scooter.

Funnily enough the FatigueSense app is pretty much screaming at me to stop and it is totally correct to do so. My body is also screaming at me to lie down!

It’s funny how when I suggested to work that I do just a couple of hours I thought it almost sounds like a silly number to ask for but today has proved that it really isn’t. As it happens the guy I most closely work with seems very understanding as it turns out his brother has had ME for over 20years. Unfortunately he also says he can only meet me for our regular one-to-one on a Friday so just how accommodating he will be of my Reasonable Adjustments is actually yet to be seen!

The mobility scooter cheered me up no end. It is perfect for what I wanted and seems to all work ok which is a relief. I parked it in the living room to let the dogs have a good sniff. It has come from a house that also had two labradors so as you can imagine they were very interested in it! Once they had finished and wandered off, I decided to feed them their dinner near it and then just drive it very slowly back and forward beside them while they ate. Big Dog didn’t bat an eyelid and scoffed his food then came over to me clearly hoping to get head scratches and possibly join me for the ride! 🤦‍♀️ Little Dog jumped a bit when it first moved (I think she thought I was going to run her over bless her😬), but soon decided that all was well and munched her kibble as usual. I couldn’t really ask for more tbh. A few more meal time desensitisation sessions and I will progress to starting to teach Big Dog to walk beside it. I can’t wait to get them out and about again but I equally don’t want to get into any bad habits and either end up with them hating it, or worse, them thinking the can pull me while I am on it! 🤣

EatingBeans

I am clearly not well enough to be working atm. 😞 After just the fews hours trying yesterday I totally crashed and today has been 10 times worse.

I had just two things to do today. Take Little Dog to be spayed and Big Dog to the field for a run. Well, I managed to drag myself out of bed to get Little Dog to the vet (5 minutes late). The vet nurse then decided it was time to try and convince me NOT to spay her - makes a change from the constant ‘spay, spay, spay’ message always thrust down my throat! The concern is that she will get stuck in her reactive state and it will be more difficult to train out. After a good 10minutes of me convincing them that I had indeed thought this through and on balance I considered it worth the risk given our current situation, they agreed to spay her. Sadly, all the talking took every last bit of my energy from me and I had to just go home and sleep.

By 3pm Little Dog was ready to be picked up and dd2 came with me to help. I was amazed to find that they not only handed me back a seemingly fully awake dog without her muzzle on, but they also proceeded to tell me that apart from one little growl when they went to lean over her to get her out of the kennel, she had in fact been 100% good as gold with all of them! Bless her, seems like they got to see the sweet side of her that we get to see. Amazing what a general anaesthetic will do! 🤦‍♀️ They said she would likely come home and sleep but bless her she doesn’t seem to be able to. 😢 She just can’t seem to get comfy and has been whining non stop for hours (as has her brother from the other room). We’ve set up her crate in the living room and had the door left open so it’s like a little den, also put out the large flat dog bed next to the sofa so she has somewhere to stretch out that is not on the hard floor but be next to me at the same time. She seemed cold so I added blankets and put the heating up but even still she just lays in one place for about two minutes max then moves. They gave her painkillers but I think it must still be a bit sore. At least she is in a body suit and not crashing into everything with a buster collar I suppose.

Sadly the trip to the field with Big Dog just didn’t happen. For one I didn’t want to leave Little Dog given her current state, but realistically dd2 could have just watched her. The biggest reason is I am just not physically up to driving. 😞 I still feel like I am crashing after work yesterday and the whole vet thing today has made doubly sure that I’m good for nothing.

I think I am going to pop Little Dog in her crate for a few minutes and let Big Dog in to get his dinner and say hello for a bit. This might be a complete disaster if they go mental and she rips her stitches open, but equally, it might just stop them both worrying about each other and they may even quit whining. Only one way to find out. 🤞

EatingBeans

Letting Big Dog come say hello was definitely a good idea. Little Dog was still too drugged up to go mental but they both got to say hi and they seemed happier for it. In the end dd2 helped get the panels for the indoor dog pen out and built an extension around Little Dog’s crate so she we could leave the door open but she would still be safely contained. Normally she adores her crate but she seemed to have a constant need to move so it felt cruel to ask her to go in it last night. Leaving her completely loose would have also been a recipe for disaster given her love of jumping and counter surfing. 🤦‍♀️ Not to mention she kept throwing up after even a little water. Poor thing has at least finally stopped whining and settled.

I have decided not to work today. The Fatigue Sense app is telling me to stop, as is my body. I still thought about it as it is ‘only 2 hours’, but that is what I thought on Monday and went from feeling fine to crashing so I dread to think what I’d be like later if I am already starting at this baseline. 😞 So, no work for me.

Today’s plan has one sole goal - get through the day and don’t make myself worse! Thankfully with Little Dog set up in her pen in the living room, I can pretty much just lay on the sofa with Big Dog loose and the back door open so he can come and go as he pleases while I just rest. He is 100% fine to be trusted to do his own thing (he’ll probably just curl up on my feet for the majority of the time), and Little Dog will no doubt feel better to have him around but will be safely contained where she can do little harm to herself. That’s if she is even conscious because the vet kindly gave me some sedatives to keep her calm for the first few days. I am so grateful that I have the dog pen! It’s funny because when I bought it I looked at the price tag and thought I would find I never use it and regret buying it but omg was I wrong! I’ve used it so many times I don’t think I will ever have a dog and not have one now. 👍

EatingBeans

Oh how delusional I was thinking I could just lay on the sofa yesterday and recover. 😞 Little Dog and anaesthetic apparently doesn’t mix too well and she had us pretty worried yesterday. Not only was she refusing to eat (which I wasn’t too concerned about) but she seemed to get more and more thirsty whereby even the slightest bit of water her made her throw up. Night and day for 24 hours post op she was sick bless her. This of course meant A LOT of changing bedding, washing, drying, trying to reassure Little Dog who was clearly getting very stressed (at one point she was dragging herself across the floor towards us as she seemed to weak to stand), and all the while still trying to meet Big Dog’s needs because he was also sounding concerned. We counted up and she had been sick over 20 times, plus we hadn’t even managed to get the medication into her, so I called the vet. Well, they booked her in for three hours later and I swear Little Dog must have known because (thankfully), it was almost like a switch got flipped - her ears warmed up, she started holding down sips of water, and I finally got some food and medication into her. 🎉 I was so relieved, not just because I was getting very concerned for her, but also because I had visions of huge vet bills if she had to be admitted. Instead, thankfully, now all I have to do is somehow deal with continuing to look after both dogs through the recovery period whilst also being barely able to stand from pushing myself too hard looking after her and crashing.

The good news, (that I keep reminding myself of), is that this should be the last time I need to go through the hard work of keeping them apart like this. My old healthy self deemed it a minor inconvenience but for me it is not only making me ill, but is also bordering something I am just incapable of doing.

I am genuinely concerned that I am now so bad with the ME/CFS I may never work again, not even part time. 😢

Heatherweed

Sorry it is so hard thinking of you xx

Four_Seasons

I feel for you you have so much on your plate, I have ME/CFS I was diagnosed in my 60's a long time ago so I was already retired. I know that when I have a crash I wouldn't be able to work, just getting out of bed even to use the bathroom is a struggle. I still find it frustrating when folk say but I get "exhausted and have aches and pains"when you try to explain ME/CFS I tend to say imagine you have a battery inside yourself ME/CFS is like your battery has gone flat! and to be truthful I have given up trying to explain the pain. I am lucky in that I rarely have a crash but I do find change of season usually heralds one, Autumn to Winter being the worst.

Sorry I have waffled on, sending you love and gentle hugs x

chapea

hi I have the same as you 2 labradors the younger one a !!!!!! is also reactive to other dogs. A few months ago she had a broken tooth and they had to put her under as it allowed an infection in her gum loosening another one.

she seemed fine when I brought her home after the anaesthetic but refused to eat or barely drink even the next morning but had vomiting and dioharrea After speaking to the vets they at first said bring her back and we may keep her in. Then they told me they would give her a paste which should help her gut I don’t know if on purpose but the person told me the name and dose she would need and said give it a few more hours.

I looked it up and got the same stuff at our local vets for pets for a third of the price they said (£18 instead of £60 and that was just to hand it to me at vets not for her to be seen) and although she still wasn’t right for a few days with mainly diahorrea we managed to get her to drink small amounts often and eat bits.

Unfortunately then the other dog started with the same thing so not sure if it was something she’d picked up when at vets but he was alright after a couple of days.

EatingBeans

I agree, a flat battery is a very good way to explain the fatigue side of the ME/CFS! It is way more than normal exhaustion.

Thankfully dd2 managed to step in and help yesterday because I had reached the point where I just couldn’t. Little Dog has bounced back remarkably well and now we are relying on the sedatives to stop her injuring herself. Not that it is being 100% effective at that because she very nearly killed herself yesterday! I was asleep in the other room and she was locked in her pen (where i thought she was safe), but now her energy has returned she somehow managed to get herself inside the cover for her bed and wriggled around until it was completely tight all over her, including her face! She had managed to do it really quietly too and it was only by chance that dd2 came downstairs at just the right time and was able to free her in time. Thankfully, a big long cuddle from dd2 and a lot of panting later, she seems no worse from her misadventure. Unlike the rest of us who will no doubt be having nightmares about it!

I sent a message to work to let them know I am not working again today. Even spending almost all of yesterday in bed was not enough recovery time. This morning I have fed and took Little Dog out in the garden to the toilet but that is all I can manage. I am starving hungry but cannot make it to the kitchen to get anything and Big Dog is still upstairs in his crate but going up to get him seems very risky when I can barely stand and I am alone in the house. I’ve already put myself in hospital falling down those stairs once, as much as I love him I don’t think it is worth the risk given how I feel. He probably needs the loo and is hungry but he normally sleeps a lot in the morning and he is currently quiet so I am hoping he is just asleep. 🤞😞 dd2 should be back home in about half an hour so he just needs to hold on a little longer.

It says something that since dd1 left home I have spent most nights sleeping on her bed downstairs rather than in my own bedroom upstairs. The original plan was to pack her bed away and have no bed downstairs but now I am beginning to wonder if that is actually a good idea. I was really looking forward to turning our front room into something less odd because it is really quite embarrassing to open the front door into effectively a bedroom but now I am thinking I need to plan some way to have at least an emergency bed for me and the dogs downstairs. I hate the fact that I am currently having to choose between my safety and letting my dog out his crate - I need to find a way to prevent this in future and everything essential being on one level seems like the obvious starting point!

debtfreewannabe321

I'm sorry you're so bad, I hope your work give you your reasonable adjustments, but you might be right in the fact even a few hours might be too much. I was diagnosed with ME originally over a decade ago and some years I can live life fully, but when a crash comes I am incapable of even doing basic things. I explained the tired feeling to my doctor as, it feels like any moment my heart will just stop beating because it's too tired to do so, and it was only then she must have thought, ah this is worse than just normal tiredness.

Do you have space for a sofa bed that you could put in your front room so it can go away when you have visitors? I'm thinking of swapping our bedroom on the second floor to the ground floor, stairs seem to be a killer on my energy.

daisy_1571

if you have the space and think you won't need the bed out all the time one of those foldaway into a wall cupboard beds might be an idea. It means you put it up in one movement and dont have to strip the bed every time. Plus since its an actual bed it will likely be comfier than the sofa bed which are often comfortable as neither a sofa nor a bed.

Once its up it looks like either a long low cabinet with a shelf on top or a tall cabinet sometimes with a shelf attached that swivels so you don't even have to clear your ornaments. Means even if you are on the couch all day you get to move to a proper bed at night so aren't 24 hours in the same place giving your couch an airing overnight