Teetering on the brink

Keep_Buggering_On

Sorry, long time lurker, but your last post got me thinking and coming out of hiding. If I remember rightly, you work in HE? If so, I'm another who has worked in universities for decades, so you have my sympathy about their HR and Occupational Health departments. A colleague at a previous institution had a heart attack, followed by a stroke six months later and the HR department were more interested in trying to force her out than support her back to work. Luckily she was in Unison and her local rep was very good so they fought her corner at every meeting and she kept her job (then took a very nice voluntary severance payment two years later she would have missed out on otherwise and got to semi-retire in her fifties). It is an extra cost each month, but depending on how good your Unison rep is (some seem to be better than others), it might be advantageous to have someone fighting your corner in these meetings and it helps to keep HR from steam rollering you when you are feeling ill.

The PIP thing is a nighmare- my wife has fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and needs to have a sleep every afternoon, can't even lift a heavy saucepan, uses a stick and is in constant pain, but after two attempts she still can't qualify for even the lowest level of PIP. She has been unable to work for several years and even UC have declared her unfit for work as no one could employ someone who doesn't know if they can move off the sofa from one day to the next, but PIP say she is fine! Her friend is an alcoholic and gets the full PIP, despite many of her problems being drink related- make it make sense!

satchmo1

Getting a water meter fitted makes financial sense now that there are just 2 of you at home.

Your DDs are an absolute joy, and a credit to you.

EatingBeans

Where was I? Hmm, my brain is so all over the place at the moment I can’t even remember what I was doing last time I wrote in this diary! 🤦‍♀️ [Scrolling back up…] Ah yes, OH! 😖 Well, I’ve now had the draft OH report and honestly, I am less than impressed. According to her I have post exertional fatigue, (zero mention of any other symptoms), and the GP only suggested it might be consistent with CFS. Er no, I have an actual diagnosis thank you and PEM is very far from post exertional fatigue (I am not just a bit tired for heavens sake). Yup, the woman really rubs me the wrong way! Rather than pen myself a very emotional response I thought the wonderful middleman otherwise known as ChatGBT was probably called for. 😁 Lots of tweaking later I now have a much more coherent e-mail to send back to ask for amendments before it goes to my manager. The timing is not ideal since I am due to start back at 9am on Monday, but hey, I am not letting her inaccurate report stand just to expedite it. Since I can see this may at some point be used in evidence against me I want to make absolutely sure that it accurately reflects the situation.

Oh a more cheerful note, the good news is I am feeling a lot better! 🎉 I got up, managed to do some dishwashing and hang up my washing, spent some time with both puppies back together (very brave given their desperation to play and at the same time need to be calm to avoid ripping stitches), plus I even helped dd2 move around some small bits of furniture and things in the living room. Tbh, that was probably a step too far but I got a bit carried away with my new found energy. I was good though and as soon as I realised how much effort it was taking I asked to down tools and went for a nap (for an hour and a half 😬). So sure, we now have a half rearranged, half hoovered living space but hey, we made progress. The next step is for me to decant the many spiders who have been living on the shelves and hoover the corner area where they are so we can finish shuffling everything around. dd2 hates spiders and it was one of the priority things dd2 asked me to do, so do it I shall. I couldn’t have done it before because everything was infront of the shelves but we are getting there bit by bit. 😁

dd2 and I are very much working together to help each other as best we can atm. Knowing my energy reserves were pretty empty she very kindly made us something to eat and I dropped her to work (plus I am off to pick her up shortly). She had been saying that she needs to go and fetch some cat litter from Tesco the last few days but every time we have gone past she hasn’t wanted to stop. We were going to go on the way to drop her to work but she was running late getting ready so we missed the opportunity again. So, as a little surprise, I dropped in on the way back and picked up three bags. Now, before you all start telling me I should do this anyway because I am the parent, can I point out that this is for her cat that she bought with her own money on the understanding that it would be 100% her responsibility. Whilst I adore the cat and look after it whenever dd2 needs me to, it is very much her cat. I don’t charge her for the damage it causes 😂, I often buy little things like toys and window screens to make it happier, and I tagged it on to my pet insurance policy to make sure it is insured, but the day to day care is on dd2, as was her wish.

So yeah, I spent a whole 17 energy points out of a total day budget of 41, just to pick up litter, but I did it because I know it will genuinely help her out. I mean, it is still in the car because it is heavy and I’m sure she would prefer I save the ‘bringing it in’ energy so I can pick her up from work instead, but hey, a trip to the boot of the car is far quicker and easier than a trip to Tesco.

And on that note, time to go pick dd2 up from work. 🚙😁

ellenvan

Team Beanz sounds good.

Prioritizing your energy use is a great idea.

Cherryfudge

So pleased to here the energy is creeping back in - it shows it can happen.

That was miserable and stingy of HR person, well done for making the corrections.

Brunette84

Good morning EB Ive been a long time lurker and I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling a little better😊

I just wanted to ask what your reasoning was for choosing a DMP over an IVA? I’m in Scotland so we have a Protected Trust Deed which is the Scottish equivalent of an IVA.

I found myself in £22k of debt at the end of 2021 and contacted StepChange. The man I spoke to was absolutely incredible. He told me I should have contacted them long before it reached that amount as I was already sinking and struggling to keep my head above water.

I have a mortgage too and was reassured that I could still go ahead with a Trust Deed. Mine was initially for four years but I had a one-year extension due to having a small amount of equity in my property. I finally completed it last month and honestly it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. A DMP would have taken me around 12 years to clear my debt.

My mortgage rate came up for renewal during those four years and I simply stayed with my existing lender because I knew I would likely fail a credit check if I tried to shop around. Have you had a chance to look at the pros and cons of both options?

I’m now 42 and debt-free for the first time in 15 years and I honestly can’t tell you how good that feels. I went from paying £700 a month towards my debts to just £135 through my Trust Deed. I had an annual review to make sure my budget and payments were still realistic. They factored in EVERYTHING and I mean everything right down to clothes and haircuts. I thought it was crazy at the time as i had been cutting all that out but they explained that my budget needed to be realistic and sustainable.

I genuinely feel that StepChange gave me my life back.

With debts of over £40k (although I appreciate some of that may be your brother’s loan), I wonder whether an IVA might work out better for you. I know you’ve mentioned wanting to move house at some point but moving comes with so many costs from getting the house ready to go on the market to all the associated estate agent and solicitor fees.

I just wonder whether in four or five years you could potentially be debt-free and then look at moving from a much stronger financial position. Obviously everyone’s circumstances are different and I’m certainly no expert but having been through the process myself I wanted to share my experience in case it helps you explore all your options.

I really hope things continue to get better for you. ❤️

EatingBeans

Thanks @Brunette84 honestly I had ruled an IVA out as I was told I would be forced to sell the house if I went that route. Tbh, I have decided not to rely on the CAB advice and probably will look to speak to StepChange before I do anything. My mind kinda flip-flops over when to pull the plug and take the plunge with it but it’s because everything keeps changing. Given my uncertain income going forward, I’ve decided to hold off on doing anything for now as I don’t want to agree to pay an amount that then turns out I can’t pay. That might mean I have to just choose not to pay some credit cards for a month or two but I figure that will make very little difference if I end up going down some kind of debt management plan/IVA etc. I only have so much energy and I have to prioritise what I use it on. Right now that’s PIP, work and anything that might help me stay in it. So long as the mortgage and council tax are paid, pretty much everything else has slid into the ‘hopefully gets paid’ category. 😬

EatingBeans

Yesterday was my first trial day at work. I only had to do 2 hours and I literally chose the easiest things I could think of to do. Sorted though e-mails for the first half an hour, met with my line manager for the next half an hour (thankfully he is SO much more supportive than the OH lady), lay down for 10mins then spent most of the next hour watching the latest all-hands recording. Did I actually produce anything? No. But are these all tasks I would do when working? Yes, so it still counts! I feel like I have properly fallen on my feet joining this team because I am beginning to feel like my manager and the department head really do want to support me to stay. They are definitely trying to work out how to make it benefit them (totally understandable), and may just be trying to milk me of all my knowledge before I go but hey, at least by doing that I will get a chance to show my worth. I have been advised not to rejoin my team for now and instead focus on looking at their processes and sharing how I feel they may improve them. Honestly, I know that is actually work for the next grade up but they and I both know I am capable of it. They are selling it as it means less meetings for me so I can stop and rest whenever I need to and they are probably right. It is swings and roundabouts because working with the team is super easy and requires very little thinking but a more rigid schedule, the work they want me to do is very flexible but actually requires more brainpower. Tbh, this new work would look better on a cv so I said yes and will start looking at it on Wednesday.

So how did my two hours go? Well, I didn’t crash quite as hard this time but I did still spend the entire rest of the day on the sofa. The dogs are back together part time and that really helps. As did taking it really easy on Sunday so I was less tired before I even started.

Unfortunately, dd2 was proper ill yesterday and today I have also woken up feeling ill. 😞 Thankfully noone will see me when I work tomorrow so as long as I get the work done it should keep me on track and I will have until next Monday to recover.

Today’s priorities:

1. Don’t make myself worse
2. Take dogs to field later as already paid for and they are desperate for a run
3. Check we have enough cold/flu/painkillers for both dd2 and I and get some more if we don’t
4. Shower
5. Check cash in bank and transfer money to right accounts (going to be a bit of guesswork but wont have the energy to sort properly today)
6. Do a bit more towards PIP claim

I feel like there is something else that is important that I am missing from this list but hopefully it wont come back and bite me.

stymied

We get our cat litter delivered (if you have anywhere to store it in bulk) 7 bags at a time for the free delivery - so much easier than having to remember and lug it in my Tesco shop.

EatingBeans

Well I successfully completed 2,3,4,5 and 6. Pity it was at the expense on number 1! 🤦‍♀️ I think I have caught the bug dd2 brought home as I cant stop sneezing, my nose wont stop running, I feel like death run over and my face feels like it wants to explode. 😞 Still, I have work to look forward to tomorrow. 🙄

Tbf there have been some positives today too. The dogs got their first gallivant around the field back together (Little dog took full advantage and I have never seen her run so fast in her life - I really hope she is as healed on the inside as she is on the outside! 🤞) My shower was really lovely too. Having the stool to sit on whilst I am in there means showering has gone back to something pleasurable rather than just totally draining, and having the hair drier in a stand means I don’t have to decide between using my very last bit of energy to dry my hair vs leaving it soggy wet. I just wish I had bought them sooner!