Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82167999#Comment_82167999

Thanks for the suggestion, it would be so nice to have it delivered! Unfortunately I am guessing you must use different litter to us. Our cat insists on the Tesco’s cheapest litter (£2.19 for 10l) otherwise she wont set foot in the box. Whilst I am grateful she has decided the cheapest is the best rather than the really expensive stuff, it is super heavy compared to pretty much every other brand and being cheap means picking it up is really the only option. Tesco’s is literally in sight of our house but carrying it back is a killer given how heavy it is so the car trip is warranted. I just try and grab several bags at a time to limit the trips. Now if she could just decide to eat the cheaper food that would be awesome! I guess I can’t have it all. 😂

ellenvan

Some good positives from your list.

Using money to make life easier so that you can keep your energy for working is a really good plan.

EatingBeans

Yay, I got a whole 1 hr 22m sleep last night (sarcasm, in case it wasn’t obvious). No, not a typo, genuinely less than an hour and a half hour over the entire night. To say I feel like death is an understatement!

But, it did give me time to think… and google, a lot! I was trying to work out what would be the absolute worst case scenario if I lose this job. Just how scary would it get and where are my red lines. Conclusion, I need to stop trying so hard to plan around keeping the job, and start planning around the possibility of losing it. I realised the more I’ve been fighting to keep this job the worse I have become. Before taking it I was genuinely much better health wise and I feel like my body is just screaming at me to stop. So, despite seeing the good wage, nice people and thinking about desperately trying to hold onto it, I am just going to accept it might not happen and start feeling ok with walking away. The reality is I know I may never find it easy to work there given my very rocky start, and even if they are able to make adjustments and move on, I am not sure I will be able to mentally put it behind me. So, given that is the case, I decided to stop stressing about things I cannot control, remember it was never my lifelong ambition anyway, and just sit and think about what is actually important.

For over 20years my number 1 priority in every decision I have made has been to give my kids the best life I could until they reached 18. Now that they are all officially adults and very much independent thinkers, I started looking to the future and how to pick myself up after all the sacrifices I have made. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that it was only as dd2 reached 18 that I truly became overwhelmed by the cfs and I am wondering if it is actually because I had for decades effectively buried everything until they were 18, then that milestone came, I finally breathed out, and everything I had buried then hit me all at once.

The only problem of course is dd2 hasn’t actually flown the nest yet! Unfortunately, telling my body that actually there has been a delay, and please could it pack it all back up and hold it together for another year or two, clearly isn’t going to work. So, time for a plan B. Ok, I know it is not really ‘B’ because there have been MANY, many previous plan B’s, but hey, this is clearly a process and I wouldn’t be ‘teetering’ if I had it all worked out!

So, what is REALLY important to me now? 🤔

No1. DD2! - I didn’t work so hard for 18years of her life just to screw up her life now! I still don’t take back my earlier rant about my parenting style 😬, and wanting her to make her own choices, but equally, I can prioritise using my last bits of energy on caring for myself rather than focusing on trying to stay in work. That way, hopefully, I can get her to save her energy for doing her A level work 🤞, still keep her job, and hopefully make it to uni.

No2. Keep all the pets. The biggest challenge for that will no doubt be dd2’s cat. I’ve not yet come up with a plan for how to keep the cat if I lose everything but there has to be a way. No way would that cat cope with being rehomed. I am fairly sure it would die of fright - it is very much a house cat for a reason! Still, if I have to choose between dd2 getting to uni and the cat being able to stay in the room it is accustomed to, dd2 wins. That doesn’t mean I am prepared to give up the cat (I am sure dd2 would chose keeping the cat with us over uni), but ‘have cat, can find somewhere else to live’ is what I am going for. The same applies to the dog and guinea pig. Frankly if we all have to squeeze into my tiny van for a few months until I find an alternative then so be it. I will not give them up for anything. My ex husband made me give up my dog when I was at uni and it has haunted me ever since. Sure, I know the dog went back to the breeder who adored him so much he kept him, but it still broke my heart and even 11years later it still hurts. Losing pets, red line.

No.3 Van. Not truly a red line because I can always buy another one and start again, but it does matter to me as it is effectively my freedom and without it I become housebound. So, that just means I need a plan for how to end up with a van when all is said and done. Since mine is part done it would be nice to keep it, but I wouldn’t be devastated to have to start again.

Everything else, optional.

Keeping the house is essential while dd2 is at college but any route that means I lose the house takes months anyway. Worst thing that happens if I lose the house after dd2 leaves is I might have to have some uncomfortable conversations with mum and brother since they gave me the deposit which I will have gone, but hey, I am sure they will forgive me.

So, new plan, figure out how to help myself so I can take the pressure off dd2 and she can get the best grades at college. If that means my job goes, so be it. I may not be able to put my health back in the box but I sure as hell can keep making decisions about how I spend my energy to best support her for another year. So yes, in a way I am agreeing with the sentiment of the post by @TheCheerleader, about prioritising dd2 and her A levels, I just don’t agree with the how. Still, as always I appreciate the challenge as it helped made me stop and think (a challenge in itself given the wonderful brain fog). It took me a while, but I found an answer, and most importantly it feels right in my gut.

stymied

We switched from that Tesco one to the equivalent Pets at Home one, £3.95 on subscribe and save but twice as much so ends up cheaper. But … I don’t think you’d want to get 140 L delivered without at least seeing if the cat will accept it first 😂

Did you already go interest only on your mortgage or is that still a possibility that you could keep in your back pocket?

EatingBeans

Thanks for the suggestion on cheaper litter, I’ll see if they have a small bag to test out next time I go in just to try it. Honestly, the cat is so funny about litter. We’ve tried so many different ones and for most of them she just refuses to step foot in the box. That said, cheaper is always good so I’d be willing to give it a go!

As it stands I’ve not contacted the mortgage company yet. I think if I wait for 3 months where Universal Credit is actually paying me something then I can apply for SMI (support for mortgage interest) and go that route. I am not sure interest only would work for me because my mortgage already runs to when I am 70 and realistically I am unlikely to be able to earn enough to compensate on the capital side in the future. I guess it might be an option but I suspect more suitable for people who are made redundant or something and wanting to push paying their mortgage off until later, rather than someone who may never work again. I don’t know, I guess it is something to look into at a later point. At least I have another year of my fixed rate deal so I know the maximum I need to scrabble together each month between now and the earliest point dd2 could go to uni. My mum said if necessary she will help cover the mortgage a few months so hopefully that gives me enough of a buffer during the gap between work stopping my pay and benefits kicking in. I have to say it is at this point I realise why it is recommended to have 3 months worth of expenses as savings! It would have been so much less stressful to have that kind of buffer. I left myself with one month from the voluntary leaves money but I am quickly realising that is not enough. Learn from my mistake peeps!

EatingBeans

I’ve been back to the GP today and now fully signed off until 16th November. I know that means I will completely run out if sick pay but at least I will stop trying to push myself to work and making myself more ill. Whatever happens now will just happen and I’ll have to deal with it as it comes. I saw a new GP today and she wants to redo my bloods and bring me in next week to test me for orthostatic intolerance which they might actually be able to do something for. It wont change the CFS diagnosis but it might potentially improve my ability to stand so I’m up for a few more tests.

While I was in town I also popped in to the CAB to book an appointment to get help with the PIP claim. That’s also booked in for next Tuesday now so that should be fun. I am glad I went because I didn’t realise that you are supposed to fill in a specific form for this process so I probably do genuinely need their help navigating it. That said, they still didn’t fail to disappoint me as one of the advisors pipes up (as I am leaving absolutely shattered on my mobility scooter), “cheer up, it may never happen!” she says. Seriously! I am sorry that I am so absolutely drained that I don’t have the energy to fake a smile for u! Honestly, where do they get these people. I literally came in asking to book an appointment for PIP but saying I couldn’t just do it there and then because I was feeling too ill and THAT is what she thinks is an appropriate response. Some people hey!

As it happens I am pretty cheerful on the inside as dd2 is coming home to visit today. I had a bit more energy yesterday and I even managed to put together the single bed downstairs and washed some bedding so she has somewhere to sleep. I really, really wanted to do some cleaning to make it look nice for when she got home, but honestly, that just ain't gonna happen. I’m sure it wont come as a great surprise to her and she’ll be glad to see us anyway, even if it is for just a flying overnight visit. Rest time now though.

EatingBeans

Up half the night again coughing and thought I’d double check all my credit cards are now set to only take minimum payments to give them the best chance of being paid. In doing so I noticed my MBNA card is offering me a 0% deal for 12months or low interest deal for 30months. Now I am sure many of you are thinking omg woman, just start a DMP already (or something similar), but to give dd2 the best chance for her A levels I am still in the mind to at least attempt to reduce all credit cards payments as much as possible and see what that looks like on a monthly basis before pulling the credit history wrecking plug by stopping all payments. Right now I have no idea of what my actual income will be going forward, so there is no way to be confident I’d be signing up to something affordable and I certainly would have no evidence to prove it. I know as soon as I raise that flag all hell will break loose so even if I can push that back a few months it would help because I would have better information to make decisions on. I feel I am much more likely to get creditors to agree to a plan if I can actually prove what my income will be. So, all credit cards have now been set to minimum payments and my job for today is to come up with a strategy to make best use of the balance transfer deals. It is only once all these changes have been made and next statements generated that I will have any idea what payments they actually want me to pay and hopefully by then I will also have an idea of income and I can finally come up with a budget again!

ellenvan

Sounds like a good plan to reduce interest paid. Can't do any harm.

You never know with some reduced working hours, see if you can do any selling, surveys , self employed income of some sort?

Don't give up on the house until you absolutely have to.

A proper budget or SOA when you have the time, and energy, might be enlighting.

daisy_1571

definitely apply for that credit card deal, the smaller the interest you pay the better

daisy_1571

Listen to the whole of the podcast from 15 October, its all about the balance transfer stuff and there might be useful information plus some tips

Dxx