Money Moral Dilemma: Should I borrow to help my husband pay off his debt?

squirrel59

ABSOLUTELY NOT. No way, no how.

If there were a good reason for the debt, that would be one thing. But there isn't. Your husband sounds like a child, to be honest. Would you lend money to a child? Of course not. Don't do it.

He'll have to get out of it himself. Whether he will or won't, either way it will be a good lesson for him. And your house and savings will be safe.

Emerion

Matt8888 said:

When you married this became YOUR (plural) debt so, you should. However, I am not totally naive. But don't be married if you are not prepared to help. What if you became seriously ill or lost everything or whatever? Sadly, it does happen. Would you expect him to walk out and say he didn't sign up to that when you were married, and it's a problem he could do without and does not want to share?

 Becoming seriously ill, or losing everything in a way that was not your fault, is not comparable with “just happening” to get into debt to the tune of £20k, without a word to her about what was going on, and then refusing to confront the problem when she finds out. This suggests long-term deceit. Also, a refusal to work with his wife to sort out the resulting crisis (or any other crisis) together is not going to work out well. In this situation, it could be disastrous for her, and probably not even helpful to him in the long run, to just pay off the debt and leave him to carry on spending as he likes whilst refusing to talk about it. 

puddles1

I am in agreement  with many people. Do not borrow money to pay off his debts. You will end up paying for all of it. He is also likely to get into further debt with his attitude.  Be careful how you proceed. Being married you do want to help him,  but he needs to want to be helped. 

Southendormargate

No but get him tested for autism

Emmia

LightFlare said:

Don’t borrow your way out of debt, but help him and support him

He is after all your partner, your husband.

Whatever happened to the vows that are said

I think not being upfront about debts of this scale with your future spouse is really fraud.

The vows may not have been made if this was apparent pre-marriage.

LittleMissSunshine2021

Word of caution.  I was always very sensible with money, my husband less so. I had a house before we met. He just spent beyond his means slowly building up debts over many years. It all imploded with the bank raiding our joint household bills account to pay his debts (the first I knew there was a problem), which meant the mortgage and other essential bills didn’t get paid, then it all just snowballed from there.  We ended up selling the house to liquidise our assets before the bank started the repossession route. It took a separation, divorce and another six years of building my credit back up to get back to where I started. Do not take on his debt or have anything joined where you could potentially be liable for the debt. He got himself in the mess, he needs to get himself out, and you need to protect what you have. Leopards don’t change their spots.  

Dampsquib_2

Absolutely and definitely no, no, no!

Bowties

It’s a difficult situation because obviously you want to help but you have to protect yourself. There is support, charities and plenty advice available, so maybe sign post him to somewhere he can receive non judgmental support. I would never advise taking on someone else’s debt, but you can support them out of it. Good luck. 

mlz1413

I'm with the majority,  it's a NO.

As many others have said, he isnt clear how he got into £20k of debt so there is a high chance of him doing it again.

You think he has got into debt because he is generous,  so is going to stop being generous?

He walks out if confronted,  but has created a huge problem and broken your rule of not bringing any debt to your house. 

I would take legal and financial advice of how his debts and your married status affect you and your home.  If you don't already have something in place you need to do asap.

If you want to help him you could put a plan together to help Him pay His debts off.   You say you have a small income but manage it well, show him how it's done and do NOT help him out other than emotionally. 

If he gives his money away just ensure it isn't your problem. 

ambioni

Borrowing to pay off a debt is just creating more debt, even when it's interest-free. you clearly love him and want to help him but giving him money isn't the way to do it.....it makes you seem like the parent and him the child, which is not the recipe for a strong marriage. this debt MUST have existed before you took your vows and therefore HE has to sort it out. You can give practical help by helping him source debt management advice (from a C.A.B. or elsewhere) or helping him create a repayment plan, but nothing more than that.