Money Moral Dilemma: Should I borrow to help my husband pay off his debt?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My husband of just over a year (though we've been together for seven years) has got into £20,000 of debt. It's not clear how, although he's a generous person. I own the house we live in, and told him at the start of our relationship I didn't want any debt in the house. I don't earn a great salary, but I'm good with money and have savings. I've thought about getting a 0% credit card or a loan to help pay off his debt, but he struggles with confrontation and has walked out a couple of times, so I'm reluctant to take any of it on in case things don't work out. Should I help him?

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suelizab

one word: NO

Emmia

Don't take it on. His debts for him to pay off.

Although you're married I'd keep your finances separate.

RAS

I'd have serious doubts about continuing this marriage. You've only been married a year, but have been together longer. 

Leave it any likely longer and you'll find that in any financial settlement he's entitled to half the equity and half the savings and you're going to have your portion reduced to allow for half his debt. If you're lucky you might get a better deal now. 

silverwhistle

Did he tell you before you got married?

Either way, my immediate reaction was 'NO'. If it's not clear how he got in to debt there seems to be no reason why debts wouldn't build up again.

NO.

mark_cycling00

Yes you should help with the debt because you're married and you made commitments to support each other.

However that's not the main problem.

Walking out, being scared of confrontation etc. Sounds like he's still struggling from a very unhappy childhood or some other issue that really needs some counselling.  Was he hesitant to get married?

There's a huge debt sub-forum on here full of really kind and good people who've got into debt and really want to turn their lives around.

The best thing you can do as a partner is to offer to help, but only if he commits to understanding the root causes of the behaviour and overcome them together.

Rob5342

No, you should absolutely not borrow anything to help him pay it off. Even if you were single and you were talking about your own debts then you should be looking at debt solutions instead of borrowing more. 

fatbelly

He has to want to get debt free and, if he does, then he needs to post on this board

tacpot12

I definitely wouldn't offer to help him unless he asks for help and agrees to be honest/transparent with you in future. 

He is likely to continue to struggle with his spending, so you need to try to understand what he is spending his money on and why. If he won't tell you, you should think about getting divorced to protect yourself. You can still stay together, but he needs to understand how serious his problem is, and getting divorced would reinforce this. 

Jarvi100

No, no and triple no.

[Deleted User]

You know the answer to this, with good reason you are doubting your marriage, it already hasn't 'worked out'.  In debt, and 'he struggles with confrontation and has walked out a couple of times'?  Perfect long-term partner.