Money Moral Dilemma: Should I borrow to help my husband pay off his debt?

Blondebairn

No.  Do not take on your partner’s debt. It will be your legal responsibility to repay if it is your name, and it will also affect your credit rating.  If your partner dies, is unemployed, or you separate that debt is with you to repay, not them.  

Debt is also a very big thing to hide from your partner.  I hope you have some trusted friends to speak to about this revelation to help you decide on what boundaries you want to have in place in this relationship going forward, and ultimately where your red line is with this person.  

Kalmuk

No. Not only has he probably got a secret vice i.e. gambling, drugs etc., he seems unreliable and will eventually bankrupt you! Confront him and tell him it is his debt and he should sort it. If he walks out, let  him and file for divorce. Get a good lawyer

Jcb7891

Spouses should always help each other on the condition of transparency and respect. “Evasive, and walks out when confronted”.. you’ve stated this unacceptable childish behaviour as some personality trait which you’ve accepted… and it makes me think this isn’t the only occasion he has done this and you are having serious marital problems. The debt is the symptom of something else, and when men in particular are like this, it tends to be as a result of addition (gambling etc) or an affair. Either way he needs to be fully transparent with you before you help him. You aren’t his mother. Good luck and blessings to you 

Amaslo31

Definitely do not pay off his debts. If he can't live within his means he'll likely run up more debt and bring you down with him. Keep your finances separate and question whether your marriage has a future. 

THV

No, as if he leaves you - your left with his debt.

WYSPECIAL

No.
When he is ready sign post him to sources advice and help him create a budget.
Paying his debts off won't help you, him, or your relationship.

LightFlare

Don’t borrow your way out of debt, but help him and support him

He is after all your partner, your husband.

Whatever happened to the vows that are said

alleycat69

Hi there

There are so many red flags here - please don’t pay off this debt.

1) Why didn’t he tell you about the debt? In marriage you are supposed to share everything, especially that which will impact the other person. This is very untrustworthy behaviour and a huge worry. As others have said, I think there is an addiction somewhere in this. It is easy to hide who you really are where addiction is concerned, even after seven years.
2) His behaviour upon discovery is also a huge concern, not just on this issue but as a warning for who he really is. Rather than gratefully accepting your support, he refusing to deal with a problem he has caused.
It’s selfish, immature and dangerous.

You sound like someone who has worked very hard to achieve what you’ve got, in an honest and fair way.
In a previous relationship I lent money to my partner who years later vanished without a trace and without warning.

Don’t pay the debt and seriously reflect on whether you really know this person and need to review this relationship.

All the best 

Emerion

My first thought was that of course I would help my husband if he got into debt. But, the fact that it’s not clear how he got there is worrying me. A lot of us could get into debt in a one-off way due to events. But, if he just kind of got there, and it’s not clear how,  he sounds like a relative of mine. He couldn’t hold on to money right from a little boy, and he never changed. Various relatives tried to help. They rarely saw a penny of their money again, and he kept spending the money on impulse, because he was generous and a “live for today” kind of lovely person. He’d do anything for you but he just couldn’t or wouldn’t be sensible with his, or anyone else’s, money. Incompatibility in attitudes to money are very, very hard to handle in a marriage. You are obviously a save to spend later kind of person, and he sounds like he might be a spend and owe forever kind of person. I think I would be inclined to pay more than my share for bills etc, where you can, whilst he gets himself out of this mess, and support him in seeking debt counselling. Hopefully this is a one-off and then you can move forward together. If he’s not getting himself out of it, because he’s still carrying on as before, then I wouldn’t want to be in debt myself with the situation getting worse. You would end up resenting him, and he wouldn’t want to confront the issue, and then this only ends one way. 

mumarich

There is some good advice in the comments but one very important issue is the fact that he sounds like he is money avoidant - he knows he has a problem but refuses to address it.  This is a physiological issue and no amount of love or kindness will bring him to the table - when you get angry he walks out.  The sooner you accept this the better and maybe get some therapeutic help together.