Facing the future alone - care and managing money

kempiejon

Worried_and_alone said:

@LHW99 Thank you - I have thought about looking into joining a church. I like the idea of being part of something. A community I can give back to as well as perhaps somewhere to turn during any turbulent periods in my life.

Or there's local groups, volunteering, perhaps some of your money could be directed to local needs, join society. All you are looking for is there.

Not so sure about the churchy stuff meself

MallyGirl

Worried_and_alone said:

Thank you again everyone for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. 

@powerspowers Yes, I have experienced some difficulties in the last couple of years. A bereavement and then ill health of one of my parents. There's also the fact that I would very much like a child, but feel I can't now have one as I am too worried about being an older parents. Also being an only child (as is my partner) I wouldn't be able to provide a child with any extended family, hence why I feel I couldn't bring a child into the world. It's sad because I look around me and most of the people I went to school with have managed to have children and they also have brothers and sisters and their kids are growing up together with their cousins. Their families are growing whist mine is shrinking and I am terrified that one day I will be completely on my own. I wish, to a large extent, that my own parents had never brought me into the world, even though I feel terrible saying that!

Children don't need extended family. They need parents who love them. I very rarely see my brother, and his boys, as we have nothing in common beyond genetics. My daughter - only child - made great friends at school and various clubs/activities. I had her in my mid 30s and was far from the eldest on the ward.
I joined a local running club as a beginner because I needed the exercise but it has turned out to be an amazingly social club with all sorts of events and social alongside the actual running. Maybe there is something like that out there for you?

Worried_and_alone

@MallyGirl Thank you. I get what you are saying. On a day to day basis I don't think children do necessarily need extended family, however my worry would be for if disaster were to strike and they were left without their parents. I have literally nobody who could take over a child's care.

Thank you for the running club suggestion. I do actually know of someone who has little family and she is very involved in running and seems to have made some very good friends though it. 

Archerychick

Can I firstly say how brave you’ve been by posting what is deeply troubling you - that’s a significant step. The worry is completely consuming you and unless you find a way to address the worry you won’t be able to move forward and get some enjoyment from your life. I’ve personally worked with a therapist for a few issues and the CBT has been invaluable to me. I would really recommend that you try and see a therapist and get some help and direction from someone who can provide you with some tools to help you move forward. 

Worried_and_alone

@Archerychick Thank you. I have been deeply troubled by this for the best part of two years now. I wake each morning with what I can only describe as an enormous surge of anxiety built up inside me. And I end each day with a horrible tension headache. The sadness and worry is literally eating me alive.

I do need to access some help. I did look at counselling a while ago and contacted a couple, but they basically said they couldn't help. They spoke quite honestly rather than being dismissive or rude. I think I need to try again though. 

Archerychick

Worried_and_alone said:

@Archerychick Thank you. I have been deeply troubled by this for the best part of two years now. I wake each morning with what I can only describe as an enormous surge of anxiety built up inside me. And I end each day with a horrible tension headache. The sadness and worry is literally eating me alive.

I do need to access some help. I did look at counselling a while ago and contacted a couple, but they basically said they couldn't help. They spoke quite honestly rather than being dismissive or rude. I think I need to try again though. 

I agree. I think I was quite lucky to find a therapist straight away, but it is important to find someone who you would be comfortable with. I do wish you all the best

Cairnpapple

Worried_and_alone said:

@Archerychick Thank you. I have been deeply troubled by this for the best part of two years now. I wake each morning with what I can only describe as an enormous surge of anxiety built up inside me. And I end each day with a horrible tension headache. The sadness and worry is literally eating me alive.

I do need to access some help. I did look at counselling a while ago and contacted a couple, but they basically said they couldn't help. They spoke quite honestly rather than being dismissive or rude. I think I need to try again though. 

I have a lot of sympathy! If you have access to a work EAP or private health insurance,  they may be able to provide a limited number of sessions for free and can do the legwork of finding a suitable therapist for that. Worth mentioning that you have a history of OCD.

I'm currently seeing a clinical psychologist by zoom and finding it very useful, but I've also had a good result from counsellors in the past. 

powerspowers

Worried_and_alone said:

@Archerychick Thank you. I have been deeply troubled by this for the best part of two years now. I wake each morning with what I can only describe as an enormous surge of anxiety built up inside me. And I end each day with a horrible tension headache. The sadness and worry is literally eating me alive.

I do need to access some help. I did look at counselling a while ago and contacted a couple, but they basically said they couldn't help. They spoke quite honestly rather than being dismissive or rude. I think I need to try again though. 

I think finding some help would be a really good idea xx

Worried_and_alone

@Cairnpapple @powerspowers Thank you both.

I did try to access help through my EAP a few months ago, but it just took the form of an online course and someone who popped on when I said I felt alone, to say I wasn't alone! I didn't really get anything out of it.

I have now found someone private online who sounds more like they would be able to help with what I am going through. I am going to contact them. 

I think perhaps also I need to work to find more friends, especially people who also have limited family. Ultimately deep down, my fear is being alone in life, which think is understandable and reasonable. Humans were made to live in communities. 

Thank you so much again for talking to me. I really appreciate it. 

Cairnpapple

Good luck @Worried_and_alone, sounds like you have a good plan!