Facing the future alone - care and managing money

Worried_and_alone

Thank you to everyone for the responses.

Regarding the above comment about seeing myself moving to a retirement village alone in the future, I think this is because I am a pessimist. Despite being happy and confident in my relationship, my natural state is to just assume something will go wrong, including that my partner will predecease me and I will face old age alone. 

Worried_and_alone

Nebulous2 said:

My life has been spent working in care. At one point I spent time reviewing care arrangements to ensure people were being well looked after. I know one retirement village and it works very well, but it has a minimum age of 50. 

Many people remain able to manage their own affairs throughout their lives, and never need power of attorney. Less than a third of people need a care home. 

Where people do need care there is a comprehensive legal structure in place with checks and balances to ensure people are being well cared for. Solicitors, social workers and nurses all play a part and have a professional responsibility. 

Of course things go wrong, sometimes care isn't as good as it could be, sometimes staff are rushed, and people can slip through the net.

However my overwhelming view is that there is a lot of good care out there, and a lot of compassionate carers working in care roles. I remain optimistic about care services and think they serve most people who need them well. 

 

Thank you, that is good to hear. I've spent a lot of time reading things which suggest that if you don't have family looking out for you, you are basically guaranteed to be stolen from and abused!

Moonwolf

I think the landscape will change quite a lot over the next few years.  In the last 40 years technology has changed so much. 

When I started work most offices didn't have a computer but ashtrays on desks were still the norm. I still used dial-up in my early 30s even for working from home.  Twenty years ago, voice recognition was expensive and unreliable. 

I don't think robots and AI will solve everything but things will change.  For instance, I don't think there will be a humanoid android bathing me but I do expect voice controlled tools like bath lifts.

An Alexa type assistant that manages things for you even if you are confused is not out of the question provided security can be made to work and keep working. 

The best thing you can do is keep building up funds in pensions and otherwise to pay for these things or humans.

There is the possibly apocryphal story of an old lady from New York who joined a cruise ship permanently on the grounds it didn't cost much more than a care home, they did everything for you and you got to meet new people and see the world.

Bostonerimus1

Moonwolf said:

I think the landscape will change quite a lot over the next few years.  In the last 40 years technology has changed so much. 

When I started work most offices didn't have a computer but ashtrays on desks were still the norm. I still used dial-up in my early 30s even for working from home.  Twenty years ago, voice recognition was expensive and unreliable. 

I don't think robots and AI will solve everything but things will change.  For instance, I don't think there will be a humanoid android bathing me but I do expect voice controlled tools like bath lifts.

An Alexa type assistant that manages things for you even if you are confused is not out of the question provided security can be made to work and keep working. 

The best thing you can do is keep building up funds in pensions and otherwise to pay for these things or humans.

There is the possibly apocryphal story of an old lady from New York who joined a cruise ship permanently on the grounds it didn't cost much more than a care home, they did everything for you and you got to meet new people and see the world.

The permanent cruise retirement is definitely a thing in the USA, but the issue comes when your health starts to fail as they won't/can't accommodate people with chronic health issues.

I'm in the US and at least here you can buy long term care insurance that will cover a lot of the cost. The UK has sort of fallen between the cracks in financing LTC are you went from it being largely provided by Local Authorities and NHS with very little out of pocket to pay, to being private, but without putting financial help like appropriate insurance policies in place.  I've looked at a couple of places in my area and I would never go into a place while I was still relatively fit ie a retirement community where you have to buy a condo or townhouse etc. as they can be very expensive and the units expensive to sell. I'm going to wait until I need care so I can activate my LTC insurance policy and go into a nursing type facility. But many people avoid LTC and those that do need it have an average stay of 2 to 3 years.

Rich1976

We are in the same sort of position except we are a few years older than you. But the circumstances are the same. We have no children, the relatives we do have is debatable as to whether we would trust them to do it. Friends come and go every few years so the ones we could trust trust now may not be in our lives in 30 years time, plus the ones we do trust do not live nearby or we don’t see them on a regular occasion. 

Other friends who do live nearby well they need to start managing their own money better before we would trust them to look after us.

plus not everyone would want to do it as it is a big responsibility.

we have had conversations ourselves about what would happen but there seems to be very little information available online. It all talks about appointing a friend, family member, colleague etc who you trust to do it.

But for those without such people it seems to be you appoint someone else such as a solicitor, at a hefty cost or someone else you know well such as a IFA, doctor maybe . And in our case the last solicitor we saw was 20 years ago to make a will and how many people know their solicitor that well?
or I’ve seen it mentioned that the courts will appoint a deputy but again that is a long drawn out process.

so really you are not on your own and there are those of us in the same situation. Equally we don’t know what the future holds. New trusted people could walk into our lives that would be willing to look after us. Or we may never need a POA.

best advice is to concentrate on being happy now and focus on the things you do have control over to a certain extent. Events in 50 years time that may not arise aren’t worth worrying yourself to death about .

Cobbler_tone

Bostonerimus1 said:

Moonwolf said:

I think the landscape will change quite a lot over the next few years.  In the last 40 years technology has changed so much. 

When I started work most offices didn't have a computer but ashtrays on desks were still the norm. I still used dial-up in my early 30s even for working from home.  Twenty years ago, voice recognition was expensive and unreliable. 

I don't think robots and AI will solve everything but things will change.  For instance, I don't think there will be a humanoid android bathing me but I do expect voice controlled tools like bath lifts.

An Alexa type assistant that manages things for you even if you are confused is not out of the question provided security can be made to work and keep working. 

The best thing you can do is keep building up funds in pensions and otherwise to pay for these things or humans.

There is the possibly apocryphal story of an old lady from New York who joined a cruise ship permanently on the grounds it didn't cost much more than a care home, they did everything for you and you got to meet new people and see the world.

The permanent cruise retirement is definitely a thing in the USA, 

A good option if you don't mind being stuck in Belfast for 4 months. 

Worried_and_alone

Thank you again for the replies everyone.

@Moonwolf I too have thought about how different the landscape is likely to be in terms of technology. Things have, of course, changed so much in the time I have been alive, and I am not even 40 yet. It is incredible really. Things which previous generations may have worried about like prescriptions and shopping etc can now easily be ordered online and delivered. Who knows what life will be like when we are old.

@Rich1976 There is a definitely a lack of information on this issue online. My anxiety is only increased by this. I am constantly Googling and trying to find solutions. That’s part of the reason why I started this thread. Thank you for making me feel less alone. I do actually also have a good friend who is the same position, although I haven’t spoken to her about my worries. I intend to one day. It helps to feel that I am not the only one facing this.  

Worried_and_alone

I don’t know if this sound ridiculous, but as well as the practical worries, I have this overwhelming sense that I will be burden on someone – whether that be a solicitor, a doctor, care home staff etc. Although perhaps people with families worry that they will be a burden on their children etc.   

I also need to work out how to sort my funeral. Well actually I have decided to go for a direct cremation. I don’t think there is any point in me having a funeral seeing as there will be nobody / very few people to attend.

I just find it so mentally difficult that I have to face up to all this and my own mortality at a relatively young age. (Appreciating that some people don’t even get to my age however).

Sarahspangles

I think maybe you’re having a variant on the traditional mid-life crisis, where someone realises they are in fact mortal and rush to make the most of life. You’re focusing on the end stage at the expense of the now. A bit of counselling might help you get some perspective and make some choices and plans. And also be cheaper than buying a sports car.

Worried_and_alone

Sarahspangles said:

I think maybe you’re having a variant on the traditional mid-life crisis, where someone realises they are in fact mortal and rush to make the most of life. You’re focusing on the end stage at the expense of the now. A bit of counselling might help you get some perspective and make some choices and plans. And also be cheaper than buying a sports car.

Thank you - that is a fair comment. I wish I could enjoy the 'now' more because it is good, but worrying about the future zaps my happiness. 

I think that if I could make some concrete plans for the future I'd feel much better, but it is impossible to do, because there seems to be no solutions.